Do Not Put Yourself Second by Putting Them First
Think about it. How often do you put your partner first in the name of showing love and care?
If you do this, you are not alone.
There are many people in the world who tend to value the needs and priorities of their partner more than theirs.
But in most cases, they do not understand that this is a mistake — a big one with catastrophic consequences.
Truth be told, I have made this mistake countless times in my romantic relationships.
But I did not understand at the time that what I was doing was seriously wrong.
I learned it the hard way on different occasions.
Once I realised the mistakes I had made, it had helped me evolve as a better person.
The same will happen to you once you understand what it truly means to put them first.
How it happens
It starts like this.
You are dating them, or have become exclusive with them. Everything is going fine.
Through various acts, you want to show them that you really care for them.
Now, this is very natural. Once we love someone, we automatically feel the desire to care for them.
Do not make the mistake of putting yourself second by putting them first, thinking this will work wonders for your relationship.
This is completely fine and is of paramount importance to build a deep, healthy relationship.
But the problem begins when you go overboard for them.
Too much love is something that becomes too obvious to the person on the receiving end.
When you become too enthusiastic about them to show your love and care, you will do things that will overwhelm them sooner rather than later.
For example, you will text and call too much. You will frequently pick up your phone to type a message or make a call.
You will do this, thinking it will further strengthen the bond with your partner.
But at one point, your partner will feel like this is too much.
A story from my life
I used to talk a lot on the phone every day to this girl I was with several years ago. In the beginning, she enjoyed it a lot, and I did, too.
I would routinely take time out of my work hours in office to call her frequently.
I would ask her multiple times if she was feeling fine and doing OK.
I would ask her if she needed my help in any area of her life.
If she said she was upset for some reason, I would start counselling her right away and try to cheer her up at any cost.
Then, there came a time when she started showing disinterest in me.
She would pick up the phone but would act very cold, as if she was disturbed to hear from me.
Her reluctance in talking to me was more than obvious.
This went on for a while. I was alarmed.
I thought perhaps I had made some mistakes or had pissed her off.
I badly wanted to correct those “imaginary” mistakes.
I did not think twice to offer more love and care by increasing the frequency of calls and texts, naively believing this would certainly fix the problem.
Too much love is something that becomes too obvious to the person on the receiving end.
But when I did that, it backfired. I did not understand why that happened.
The more I wanted to prioritise her and take care of her, the more she acted like she was feeling pestered.
One day, she told me, “You are always thinking about me. Do you think about yourself as much?”
I was a bit surprised, and replied, “I think about you more than myself because I care for you. I am putting you first because I love you.”
She said in an impatient tone, “But it is too much. I am overwhelmed. You do not need to put me first always. I would still be fine with that. And also, you need to prioritise yourself.”
There I was, completely dumbfounded, as I was thinking whether I should take her words with a grain of salt.
At the moment, it felt like I had been stung by a cluster of bees.
But it was a priceless lesson for me.
What it means to them when you put them first
In a word, it means you put yourself second.
And nobody — absolutely nobody — finds this attractive in a partner.
Sure, your partner wants to be loved and cared for, but if you are always catering to their needs without doing the same for yourself first, it is a recipe for disaster.
You need to have a balance, and that should be maintained always.
Now is the time for an honest assessment of the pattern of your interaction with your partner. You must put yourself first, no matter what.
When you do that, you are projecting confidence, and your value will automatically go up in their eyes.
Do not make the mistake of putting yourself second by putting them first, thinking this will work wonders for your relationship.
Such affection will only become a source of annoyance to them in the end.