Do I sound pessimistic if I say I don’t have a bucket list?

My list of the things I want to do before I die is empty. Why?

Yesterday I read an interesting post by ⭐ Ryan Justin and a beautiful story written by Stephen Sovie. I am thanking them for having inspired me to write another story, this time, about my bucket list. As Victoria Ponte wrote, a bucket list is a list of the things you want to do before you die.

After I read their articles, I was stuck on this question - what is my bucket list? I was thinking about this for almost the whole day, but I couldn’t get any answers.

Maybe I am taking it too seriously, something very important or big. I also could have made up something, but I think I should be honest with you so I must say, I don’t have it.

Now I don’t have anything which I am desperate to do before I die, but I used to. Because I love travelling, I used to have a list of the places where I wanted to go to; such as Machu Picchu in Peru, the Taj Mahal or the Great Wall of China, where I have never been to, even though I lived for 10 years in China and Hong Kong. However, I don’t have as much passion for travelling as before.

Having said that, it sounds like a little sad or disappointing, doesn’t it? Do I really have nothing to do? Where have my ambitions and desires gone?

Do I have any places I want to visit or something I want to experience? ―Well, I want to travel on the Trans Siberian Railway, but I don’t mind even if I cannot. Do I have any food I want to taste before I pass away? ―Not really. Do I want to meet somebody before I die? ―Maybe my family, if they are still alive, but it doesn’t seem to be an item on the bucket list. Do I want to do a sort of challenging trip, for example, biking across Europe from Hong Kong? ―No, thanks.

I wondered, why is my bucket list so empty? Why is this question difficult for me to answer?

It may be because I am often thinking about death.

I don’t know why, but I feel like death is always sitting next to me. Am I going to die soon? ―Possibly. Anyway, I am going to die sooner or later. We are all living towards death, and so are you. It could happen tomorrow, or even an hour after I finish writing this.

When I am doing gardening, touching my flowers and vegetables, I think about death as I think about the beautiful lives and nature on the earth. When I am swimming in the lake or sea, I think about my ending moment. Will I die before my boyfriend dies, or after his death? ―Something like that. I know it is a bit silly, but I cannot stop thinking.

Life is short and unpredictable, so every single moment is precious for me. It is an enjoyable moment now that I am writing this article towards the world. It is an appreciating fact that you are reading this, what I wrote, somewhere on this planet right now.

While I am typing, I also think about what I am going to cook for dinner this evening and what we are going to drink with it. This normal life is already good enough for me, and just hoping that I will be smiling when I go to bed tonight as last night.

If I had to force myself to say something about a bucket list, it could be the answer, I want to continue my life happily until the end.

Thank you for reading, and so, what is your bucket list?

I will tag the other writers as Ryan did, who may want to share this topic:

Victoria Ponte, Celine Lai, Roz Warren, Roz Andrews, Jason Newton, Agnes Louis, Zachary N.A., Kathryn Dillon, Hawkeye Pete Egan B., Michelle Monet, Lucy King, Lin Cochran Burgin, Bebe Nicholson, Stephen Anthony, Stephen Sovie, Zach J. Payne. Brian Rowe, Kyrie Gray, Luke Rowley, Fredric Schwartz, Kevin Horton, Keith Horton, Mollie Lyon, Donna Galanti, Will Millar, Craig Weldon, Shannon Ashley, Laura Johnson, Carolyn Murray, bernthis, Angela Noel Lawson, Oren Cohen, Sherry McGuinn, Shaunta Grimes, Jun Wu, Zolie Zioli, Marie Wise, Jason Weiland, Natalie Frank, Ph.D. (Clinical Psychology), traceybyfire, Andi Lutz, Katrina Nutter

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