Dislike Ghosting? Do Your Part To End It
Kill the culture with your kindness.
Goodbyes aren’t easy, even on favorable terms.
Most people think they only have to say goodbye to avoid being a villain.
It takes a few more courtesies. But I promise it is pretty simple.
#1. Reply
A tip for the one getting the breakup message.
If someone says bye, reply. Say goodbye back.
If you don’t acknowledge the note with a sentence or an emoji wave, the sender will think the closure wasn’t necessary.
The ex or potential partner after you won’t get this kindness if you don’t return civility over text. Don’t say “K.” respond with “Thanks.” or “It was nice knowing you.”.
Here’s what a Harvard Business Review study says about appreciation.
“Feeling genuinely appreciated lifts people up. At the most basic level, it makes us feel safe, which is what frees us to do our best work. It’s also energizing. When our value feels at risk, as it so often does, that worry becomes preoccupying, which drains and diverts our energy from creating value.” — Harvard Business Review
#2. Reduce the awkwardness.
A tip for the one ending the relationship.
Imagine you are the one breaking up with the person. Your emotions are mostly distant. That’s good.
Use the detachment to not send a long paragraph.
Open Twitter and let the tiny character count guide the length of your response. Copy, paste, and send. Be honest about your feelings and the greater need to move on to someone else right now.
Too often, we write and shrink the text to its essence later. Twitter forces you to say want matters most to get it over with fast.
#2. Don’t say sorry.
A tip for the one initiating the moving on.
You’re not sorry. The word makes the experience disingenuous for you and the receiver. If you want to type and send the goodbye message, say less.
Studies suggest “sorry” is the worst word to say when you are not apologizing or aware of doing anything wrong. Sorry is an elementary expression of guilt. Upgrade the phrases you associate with your emotions.
- “My apologies for wasting your time.”
- “Look [person’s name], this union or text exchange isn’t working.”
- “You might be the one who got away. But I am not in a great place to appreciate you yet.”
What does psychotherapist Beverly Engel say about sorry backfiring in her book, The Power of an Apology?
“Over-apologizing isn’t so different from over-complimenting: You may think you’re displaying yourself as a nice and caring person, but you’re actually sending the message that you lack confidence and are ineffectual. It can even give a certain kind of person permission to treat you poorly, or even abuse you.” — psychotherapist Beverly Engel
Thank you for reading this post.
© Annie Wegner 2022-Present.
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