Ding Dong The EU Is Gone Day in the UK

Boris Johnson was a busy bee because he had to complete the arrangements for Get Brexit Day Done. February 1st will be a national holiday from 2020 to celebrate forever the fact that the UK had shaken off the shackles of the EU. The official exit day but it really wasn’t because it would take years and years to negotiate the nitty-gritty. But any excuse for a holiday, eh?

He could not help but agree with Nigel Farage when he said:-

“I frankly think that, around the world, at that moment at 11pm, if Big Ben doesn’t strike, our country looks like a joke.”

But there were loads of problems to get it all organized. First, Big Ben was not even ready. It was still being repaired. Now to get that bloody bell to ring at exactly 11 pm on January 31st would cost the nation just a mere £500,000. Peanuts!

He was bitter that the crowdfunding for the “iconic peal” so far had raised a miserable £200. No problem. He would siphon off some money from the NHS (National Health Service) to pay for it.

After all, that BONG would be such a boost for the health of the whole nation that hospital admissions would immediately fall.

Everybody would be so well and happy. Worth every penny, he thought. OK, done!

Next on his list were those damned clergymen, clergywomen, and bishops. All of them whinging that this was not a national celebration. They only rang the bells for “end of world wars” and so on. Well, this was the end of a 40-year war with the EU so they should shut up and get up in the belfry.

He managed to get a Bill (Public Safety in Parishes) through the House of Commons which would ensure that any rector or bishop who opposed the bell ringing on this wonderful day would be under “rectory arrest”. That should keep them quiet.

As for the bell ringers, the pompous Central Council of Church Bell Ringers were trying to discourage their members from ringing the bells. They too would be under house arrest.

He decided to call in the Army to ring the bells and they would have to start practicing pretty soon to get ready for the momentous night on January 31st. Every single bell in the land would ring. There would be special hymns and songs composed. Children would have to learn them off by heart at school to be ready.

“Onward Brexit soldiers Marching as to war With the cross of Boris Going on before. Onward then, ye people Join our happy throng Blend with ours your voices In our triumph song.”

Then the beautiful adaptation of the Jerusalem hymn much beloved by the older voters who had all voted so intelligently. They didn’t go to church now but they would certainly remember these stirring words:-

Bring me my bow of burning gold! Bring me my arrows of desire! Bring me my spear! O clouds, unfold! Bring me my chariot of fire! I will not cease from mental fight, Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand, Till we have built the Brexit realm In England’s green and pleasant land.

Excellent. Then street banners and posters for all towns and villages

Ding Dong The EU’s Gone

Tide’s In — Dirt Out

Don’t Mess With Brexiters

Give Us Liberty or Give Us Death

Hands Off Brexit

We Voted For Change And Won

Next. The Queen. Boris thought he would have no trouble with her and he was right. The Queen was only too delighted to distract the nation from her own dysfunctional family. Her favorite son in hiding and her grandson deserting The Firm for Canada of all places. This Brexit Day celebration was a wonderful opportunity to forget her family and move forward to a glorious future.

She would be delighted to broadcast to the nation. She had already rehearsed a few of the lines. At the age of 93, she needed more practice.

“My husband and I are only too b̶e̶l̶l̶ well aware of the challenges facing us now as we celebrate our break for freedom from the EU. I have been struck by how our government is leading us all to a new d̶o̶w̶n̶ dawn when the United Kingdom will again p̶l̶e̶a̶d̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ lead the world in every s̶p̶e̶a̶r̶ sphere.”

The Queen insisted that her broadcast to the nation should be at 8.30.pm so that she could then enjoy looking at the sexy hunks on Love Island at 9. pm.

“Very well Your Majesty”, Boris said humbly. He rushed off to take his dog Dilyn for a walk.

The UK has finally left the European Parliament. Tears of joy or sorrow?