Did he really just jump out of a second-story middle-school history class?
What was this highly-motivated student’s reason for leaping fearlessly?
Lean Lance Beamon unlatched the window lock, slid the window up, and athletically hopped up onto the classroom window ledge like a rockstar.
He slowly stepped outside the window, gave us a last-minute glazed, empty look, displayed a Cheshire Cat-like smile, and leaped out from the second floor some thirty feet up.
We all gasped in unison and wondered if we would ever see Lance again.
A dare
The bell had just rung for third-period history class, and bearded Mr. Farley was still in the hall chatting with flirtatious blonde, bosomy bombshell, Mrs. Green.
Eighth-grader, middle-school starting quarterback Rob Love sang and tapped his fingers to Styx’s “Renegade,” then stopped, yelled out across to fellow football teammates Will Burrow, Scott Stevens, and Brad Hess, “Hey, you cocksuckers, watch this.”
“Piggy Wiggy (Will), go check to make sure Trick Dicky (Mr. Farley) is still drolling over Legs (Mrs. Green).”
Will awkwardly climbed Jennifer Tawley’s desk, then playfully pops Phillip Tannenbird atop the head, and peaks out in the hall.
“All clear, Lovey.”
“Cool. OK, this is going to be good,” Rob promises.
‘Shout it, shout it, shout it out loud’
“Hey, Lance!” he shouts across the room.
Lance, donning a KISS baseball sleeve shirt and bell bottoms, is headbanging though no music is playing, looks over at Rob, and just nods his head.
“Lance, dude, I will give you five dollars if you jump out the window?”
Lance stares at Rob for five, long seconds, and appears high as a kite, then responds, “Alright” in a emotionless, monotone voice.
A deadly disappearing act?
He calmly gets up from his desk, walk like a zombie to the window, climbs up, and poof! disappears downward.
Myself, Rob, his football pals, and the rest of the class are in shock, and say nothing. We wait anxiosuly, expecting to hear cries of anguish and pain. Yet, we hear nothing.
“You think he’s dead?” Brad Hess finally asks.
Rob can’t handle it any longer, and sprints to the window fast as a jackrabbit, and like the Pied Piper is followed by twenty others students.
“Hey, what’s going on in here,” hollers Mr. Farley emerging in the door. “Sit down cheddar heads unless you want lunch detentions.”
A few of us giggle, but most of us hastily and quietly dart back to our desks.
A ghostly appearance
Two minutes later, the door opens and Lance Beamon emerges.
Our class looks like we’ve seen a ghost. Is it a ghost?
Lance has a huge grin on his face, and says, “Hi, everybody.”
Then looks directly at Rob, who is decked out in a Terry Bradshaw, points at him, and says, “You owe me five bones, dude.”
Love turns a bright tint of red, and he first shakes is head, then also shakes his hand like a poker player not wanting to be hit.
KISS convo
“Lance, you’re late. Let’s have sit,” Mr. Farley says. “It’s your second time this week. That’s detention, Ace Frehley.”
“I’m more a Gene Simmons guy,” Lance says and sticks his tongue out damn near further than Simmons does that gives the rock sign, sticking his hand high in the air with the pinky and index fingers pointing out.
“Ok, Beamon, you can ‘Rock and Roll All Nite’ later, but please take a seat,” Mr. Farley says, with a stronger tone and growing more impatient.”
“Alright,” Lance says, and does one more air guitar rift before sitting down.
Faster than you can say “I Was Made for Lovin’ You,” the school secretary’s voice comes over the intercom and announces, “Lance Beamon please report to the principal’s office immediately.”
“Damn,” Lance responded.
“Busted,” Scott Stevens blurted out.
The legend of Lance
The Lance Leap as it was fittingly named occurred on May 5, 1981. Lance was given two weeks of detention. Surprisingly, he suffered no injuries. Students in Mrs. Butterfield’s algebra class claim he landed on his feet. Lance was later caught a couple of weeks later with marijuana in his locker.
The next year when we all moved on to the local high school, Lance wasn’t in at our school. Rumors spread like wildfire. Initial rumors had him joining a rock band or the circus. Some say he moved to Canada or California. Others reported in was enrolled in military school. None of these tales were ever confirmed.
What is confirmed is anytime any KISS song whether it’s “Lick it Up,” “Rock and Roll All Nite,” or the ballad “Beth” comes on the radio, I instantly return to Murray Middle School and the time a stoned Lance Beamon bravely and stupidly nonchalantly jumped fearlessly from the second floor of Mr. Farley’s eighth-grade history class.
Thanks for reading my story.
Tagging history buffs who enjoy humor hijinx in class: Scot Butwell, Scott Younkin, Sreese, Lu Skerdoo, Jan Sebastian, Evonne Tsai, Evon, Ruby Lee, MarkfromBoston 🐾🍻, Alison Levine, Sarah Jean, Kristine Laco, Susan Wheelock.
You might also enjoy:
