Developments in My Open Marriage
Chronicle of an Open Marriage #15
My husband’s chosen lover has finally returned from a month-long trip to his home country where homosexual sex is against the law and punished severely, including with corporal punishment and prison time. Hubs’ lover has been somewhat aloof since returning. They haven’t yet met. Their reunion will be tonight. So I haven’t got a lot to report on that front, just some conjecture. Has spending time in his conservative home country kindled shame and regret in Hubs’ lover? I wonder… And I’ll report back after their date, perhaps tomorrow.
If you don’t know the back story, Hubs and I opened our marriage five months ago because of our differing libidos. We were on the brink of divorce when I asked him to seek sex outside the marriage because I wanted to stop fighting about sex. I knew he’d been bi-curious as a youth, and I didn’t relish the thought of competing with younger, potentially more beautiful or charming women, so I asked him specifically to try sex with men. It’s all laid out here in my Chronicle of an Open Marriage.
Opening up for Hubs also meant opening up for me, of course, but I wasn’t much interested in trying to line up outside sex. I’m older. I’m satisfied. I already was having more sex than I wanted or even could handle. I feared rejection and discomfort and I didn’t see a big benefit. Hubs encouraged me to put myself out there, but I didn’t want to. Still, knowing I had permission to stray changed my perspective. My eyes and ears were open and receptive to potential play partners.
At the same time, I was becoming more awake sexually. Hubs’ excitement and happiness at scratching his long-suppressed itch was contagious. I found myself having a lot of strong feelings about him and our experiment, including newfound tenderness for him, and I found myself getting much more easily and more often aroused.
Also, his attention being diverted from me was a big relief. My life loosened up in all its tight, constricted corners. Whereas before, it seemed I was Hubs’ only friend and felt guilty when I pursued interests that he didn’t share, now he had other people who captured his attention. It took the pressure off me. I made a few short trips out of town on my own, including to visit a younger female friend who, after hearing about our experiment, dubbed me brave and then invited me to a burlesque party.
That’s coming up on Saturday, and I’m thrilled and a little nervous about it. Hubs won’t be there, since everyone who attends has to put on a performance, something he doesn’t want to do. (Would never want to do? That’s hard to say, considering the recent and surprising big changes in our decades-long marriage.) I’ll be working on my outfit and practicing my performance tonight, when Hubs will be away from our one-bedroom apartment on his date with his lover, giving me some restorative solitude.
There’s another pretty big development, too. I’ve started “sexting” someone. When an unknown man flirted with me online, I responded. It was safe. It was easy. It was harmless fun. And very quickly, it became scorching hot.
This new development is really working for me.
Why? I don’t know. I guess because I’m a writer? Also, I consider it good fortune that he lives thousands of miles away. There’s no way that we could get together in real life without massive effort. So again, the pressure is off. Instead of cavorting in physical reality, we play together in an email fantasy world, sending sexual scenarios back and forth, interspersed with real talk about our real lives.
I’m guessing you want a taste? I’m going to give you one, shortly. But first, let me add that as a reader, my fantasy partner, whom I’m calling Hungry Man, already knows my deepest darkest secret before ever meeting me — if he will ever meet me, if I ever will want him to — and that is that I have a spanking fetish. I guess it’s not a HUGE secret anymore, since I wrote a detailed story about it.
Not only does he know my dark secret, he directed me to stories by Eva Rotolo about spanking that made me feel more at ease and less embarrassed about it. This one packed with dry, scientific citations, and this one about her personal experience. So that got me going and freed up my ability to include my fetish in a short scenario I sexted to him this morning.
This scenario is also what I thought about when I had sex with my husband, and that’s ironic. Because writing to my fantasy partner makes me all hot and bothered, and then my real husband gets the benefit of that.
The “boss” in the scene is my mysterious sextual man. We haven’t seen each other yet. Haven’t exchanged pictures. I don’t know what he looks like, and he doesn’t know me. But I put the scene together based on a few details he’s shared, including the fact that he owns a small business with about a dozen employees. So this is his short scene…
An attractive woman comes into your office. You’re behind a big desk. “I know you’ve been embezzling the company’s funds,” you tell her. “You have two choices. You can deny it, and I’ll call the police in right now…” You pause to lift the big black desk phone receiver to your ear. “Or you can return the money and I’ll come up with another punishment.”
“What kind of punishment?” she asks, wide eyed and nervous.
I’m thinking you can work out the rest… :p
What happened next? Read Chronicle of an Open Marriage #16. Find all of my stories about opening our marriage on the list below, or about sex in general on this one. Get an email whenever I publish. And have a yummy day.
