RELATIONSHIPS|PSYCHOLOGY

Desperately Seeking Catherine Crowley (My Half-Sister)

Maybe you will be the piece that helps me solve this mysterious puzzle

A little more than 4 years ago, I submitted my saliva sample to the genetic testing company Ancestry.

One day during a lecture, my physics professor mentioned the fact that she’d taken a DNA test and was devastated to find out that she had no Native-American ancestry, contrary to what her mother had told her for many years.

She was, in fact, part African, which accounted for her unusually thick and curly hair as well as her darker complexion.

I found out that she is only 6 months younger than me and had been teaching physics at a collegiate level for around 20 years.

I had been curious about taking one of those DNA tests, but skeptical about their accuracy until I spoke with her in detail regarding the process.

My grandmother used to go on and on (and on) for countless years about the fact that her family was part this and part this of various Native-American tribes. I began to doubt the credibility of her stories as she got older, when 5 tribes turned in to 7.

I doubted it even more when I started doing my own research online as the Internet grew its database and I had easier access to more information at my fingertips.

I also knew nothing about my father, aside from what my mother had told me over the years, and I’d begun to doubt the truths of her “facts” as well.

She always said that he was Irish, attended Yale and had written his full name and birth date on my birth certificate.

However, when I’d contacted Yale, before and after the Internet became a useful search tool, there was no record of Christopher Charles Crowley found.

At one point, I’d even hired a private detective to see what could be found in police records, birth records, marriage certificates, etc.

The private detective told me that he believed my father did not want to be found or my mom got his birth date wrong because there was no man- living or dead- he could find who remotely came close to his name and age throughout the United States.

From time to time I continued to look for him on various search engines and social media to no avail.

By the time I went back to school in my late thirties, I gave up.

Then this happened:

I hoped to find out accurate information regarding my ancestry on my father’s side, but I did not expect to match with him or anything this close to him.

I stared at that image for a long time.

Catherine Crowley

Simply seeing her name, my father’s last name, confirmed that my mom really did have his name right (she said she saw it on his driver’s license, but over time I began to doubt everything) and he was, in fact, Irish.

I think that he’s Jewish as well.

It took me a little while to compose myself and write a message to Catherine.

I sent her my first message in January of 2018. I could see her activity on Ancestry which showed that she had been on the website just 6 months prior.

No response.

After several months, I sent her another message.

No response.

I didn’t know whether she was my grandmother, half-sister, aunt or niece.

However, now that my mom, my mom’s brother (as well as his son), my half-brother (from my mom) and 2 of my half-brother’s children have all taken the same DNA over the past few years, it has become clear that this woman is my half-sister.

Look at how close the percentage of DNA shared is and the centiMorgans.

Compare that to my uncle, half-niece, half-nephew, and cousin:

I recently added the “half-sister” part to her match with me because I am that sure of it now.

I also emailed her again this past December, hoping that she’d feel some kind of “holiday spirit” or sentimentality to respond to my messages.

It shows when they’re been read.

She always reads them- eventually, but she has yet to respond.

It’s frustrating because I’m pretty damn sure she can tell me SOMETHING about my father and I know virtually NOTHING.

My messages are always kind and I’ve made it clear that I’m not seeking another more than a few simple answers — at the very least, medical family history for my health.

I’d love to also know if he is a musician or if he’s ever played any musical instruments because it’s eerie how easy singing, dancing, songwriting and playing multiple instruments has come to me.

My mom said that they met at a club while dancing and that he was a really good dancer.

They knew each other for one year. After she became pregnant and she told him, he left and she never heard from him again.

Her pride stopped her from seeking child support and I used to wonder if fear of having to pay it kept him away.

However, I’m 45 years old now. Clearly that’s a moot point.

There are very few times in my life that I’ve felt so much at the mercy of someone else.

It’s ironic that it happens to be my half-sister.

I have looked for her a few different times over the past 4 years and have yet to find anyone with her name whom I consider a good enough lead to contact.

With the “Irish holiday” St. Patrick’s around the corner, and having read a couple of stories by Misty Rae about her time in Ireland, I have been thinking more about Catherine and my father.

Thus this story.

I thought that maybe someone out there will read this story and possibly be the missing link that can somehow get me closer to putting all the pieces of this mysterious puzzle together.

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