Dedicated to.. | Chapter 7: Depression Pt. 2
A Collection of Short Stories on the Flower That Grew From Concrete
Content warning: This piece makes brief, non-descriptive references to suicidal ideation and depression. In case you or anyone you know might need it, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1–800–273-TALK (8255).
It’s 2pm, and I haven’t brushed my teeth.
My dentist would be appalled.
I spent most of today curled up in a fetus position.
But it isn’t like this every day.
There’s something about today that’s made it inevitably hard to be functional. To be a human.
Today, existence is pain.
This is what depression looks like.
My therapist tells me to be grateful, but it’s hard to find gratitude when you’re trying to just survive — this day.
There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to keep going. It’s hard to move under the weight of misery. But I know I’ll leave behind a lot of those that love me. That isn’t to say I’m suicidal, although I believe we all have the thought at some point in our lives. But I hold the pain of shame from holding such thoughts.
I’m learning to accept these very human feelings.
I guess that’s another part of what it means to be human. Those thoughts of despair don’t make me any more or less weak or faultily wired, but more so, purposefully crafted.
Today, I’m as human as I am when I’m not in a depressive state of misery, of self-loathing, of doubt.
I guess that’s the silver lining of life that I’m in therapy for.
I’ll get through this day — just one day at a time.
All we ever have is right now.
I’m accepting to appreciate the lows as much as I do the highs. Tomorrow will be different, I tell myself as I finally find the energy to get up and brush my teeth.
DEDICATED TO..
is a collection of flash fiction short stories on the stages of life we grow through, the battle of youthfulness, and the transition into adulthood.