Deconstructing The Wall I Faked
Removing The Façade of Myself and Facing The Consequences
The wall I’ve built around my life- I’m not sure is authentic and who I really am. I am a balance beam leaning heavier towards vulnerable, peace, harmony and tranquility; however, I have masked and coped through my life by building up a wall of supposed “un breakable toughness” because it felt safer and more comfortable to carry around that mask…I always wanted people to see me that way. Whether they actually did or not, I don’t know.
But now, there is no one that I truly feel 100% comfortable with. No one knows me or accepts me fully for who I actually am because I never allowed them to really see me. Other than through the Lord, I have become quite mysterious.
The destruction of my wall now brings me immense instability because through it, was the only way I had ever learned how to relate to others. I will now have to re construct who I really am to everyone and subsequently witness their ideas, beliefs and outlook on me change completely. What will this new version look like in my world? What do I have to expect? Ridicule ? Disbelief? Or acceptance? I feel frightened. How come I didn’t have the courage to show up in the world as I was?
This is scary because neither them nor I have ever seen anything different than the mask I wore. Because I was too insecure to be authentic in the first place, I now have to start over from scratch redefining myself and to the world around me.
