Dear Zoombomber,
Hit the road, asshole
Dear Zoombomber,
Do you ever wonder if you’re a spiritual asshole? Do you ever sit around, bored to tears, despondent about the garbage floating around in your brain? Oh, sorry, dingaling. Despondent means in low spirits from loss of hope or courage. It’s a big word, but clearly, from your ragey Zoombomb, you got big feelings.
Do you ever wish you had more compassionate ideas, kinder thoughts, and a more creative and intelligent mind? I have two suggestions for you, good books and late-night comedy. Much better than Zoombombing a party you were not invited to.
Do you ever look in the mirror and think, “Who can I attack today? Who’s life is working better than mine? Who’s happy?” And then you think, “I’m going to fuck someone’s shit up today.”
Aw, honey. You can take someone's happiness for an hour with your vitriolic racist, pornographic bullshit, but when they disconnect, they’re going back to their happy life while you’re stomping around the abyss of your misery. Oh, sorry, dingaling, an abyss is a deep or seemingly bottomless chasm. A chasm is — oh forget it. Educate yourself. Anyway —
Anyway, pal, you see Einstein posters, do you weep because you realized you got a bad brain and other people got good brains? Does that make you want to lash out? Share your ignorance with everyone? Maybe Kyle Rittenhouse your way into a private Zoom meeting and tamper with someone else’s life? Do you have a life, Zoombomber? Or are you piggybacking on other people’s journies? Pooping on their trail, so to speak.
Yours was not my first Zoombomb. I’ve experienced a few, but this was the first tone that included child porn, so congratulations, sir. You are the bottom of the heap, the scum of the earth, the nastiest of the nasty. You should get arrested.
When your tragic images popped up, my friend and I froze. We were there for laughs, not tears, not fury. So, good job, asshole, you effected change, but you're no hero. FYI — Effecting change is usually a positive thing associated with making the world a better place, but I guess ya didn’t get the memo. Next time, add something to the world. Don’t take a shit on it.
Meanwhile, In the chatbox, you were also attacking one of our Zoom participants with racism. I’m sorry, did you think we were talking to you? Our friend was invited, not you. Friends chat with friends, fella, not with racist Zoombombers.
Alas, we left the meeting and reported your attack to Zoom. You feel like a man now, ding-dong? I hope the authorities find you and remove you from the internet — it’s gross enough here without you. No one will even notice you left.
Once you are removed from the internet, I hope you are forced, out of pure boredom, to read a book or talk to people face to face. I think you need some self-reflection time, looking down at the water or up the mountains. You’re broken, fella.
Maybe it’s not your fault. Maybe someone or something made you into this person who is unable to live a fulfilling life. Maybe you can’t help pulling people down to your level. Maybe you don’t even know you are a sick puppy, but I’m here to tell you, you are.
My advice. Start with a good book. Make a pie. A book is something made out of paper with words in it. The words tell a story about other people’s experiences in the world, which helps beef up your empathy and compassion. It might even help fill your gaping chasm. A chasm — oh forget it.
Also, think of something nice to say to someone and say it. Learn a song. If you can’t play an instrument, sing the words. Be happy. Leave people alone. You weren’t invited.
Maybe if you work on yourself instead of treating other people like garbage, you’ll find a lovely world to play in. You might even get invited to a Zoom meeting. And in case you’re wondering, you’re not invited to our future meetings, and we know how to kick you out now.
Regards,
The person who never sent you an invite. Why are you even here?
