Summary

The article is a humorous and candid letter addressing writer Will Hull, offering advice on overcoming writer's block and emphasizing the importance of writing to avoid the metaphorical 'funeral' of one's writing career.

Abstract

The web content is structured as an open letter to writer Will Hull, discussing the challenges of writer's block. The author, with a playful tone, reassures Will that the title's reference to his funeral is not a threat but a metaphor for the creative death that writer's block can cause. The letter suggests various strategies to overcome this block, such as avoiding the pressure to 'push through,' reading extensively, embracing imperfection, and organizing one's draft files. It also humorously proposes unconventional activities like writing an obituary or a play about one's own death to spark creativity. The author, Jennifer J. McDougall, acknowledges the struggle with writing funk and credits the letter itself with helping her out of it. The article concludes with a list of related links and a call for shared strategies from other writers.

Opinions

Writer's block is likened to a form of creative impotence, similar to male sexual dysfunction, where anxiety can hinder performance.
The author expresses a genuine concern for Will Hull's writing productivity, suggesting that his inability to write could have a profound impact on his fans.
There is a belief that perfectionism can exacerbate writer's block, and writers should focus on authenticity rather than flawlessness.
Reading is promoted as a powerful tool to inspire and overcome writer's block.
The article encourages writers to engage in spontaneous, fun, and absurd activities to stimulate writing.
The author uses Australian slang humorously, which may or may not be accurate, to add color and personality to the letter.
There is a sense of community and shared experience among writers, as the author invites others to contribute their methods for overcoming writing challenges.

Dear Will Hull: Will You Be Writing Or Planning Your Funeral?

How to kill writer’s block before it kills you

Dearest William,

First off. Perhaps I am not entitled to refer to you by what I assume is your full moniker by birth. I don’t even know whether your passport says Wilhelm or Willis or William. So I should probably just stick to Will. I’m sorry if your parents stuck you with Wilbur. Adorable for Charlotte’s porker playmate but not so much for a grown arse Spunk like yourself.

Secondly. I don’t have enough cold hard cash to secure an ex-militia-hit person, so you needn’t worry that the funeral part of the title is an actual threat. If some large, porn-’stache-boasting, gun-toting pack of muscular Yobbos are stalking you it has nothing to do with me. I swear. On my grandmother’s prosthetic toe that still inhabits some dark corner of my basement.

Third, let’s get to the meat of the matter, my lil vegemite-covered Lamington. Writer’s Block. Not Writer’s Bloke — though I’m sure one of those might release my creative juices. We all have moments where our feathers wither and the ink dries up. Only natural. Especially at your age.

But what to do about it is the issue here? And we need to be quick. We need a solution before your funeral is planned and your post-limerick body is quaintly resting on satin softer than your embalmed elbows.

What does Viagra for authors look like? According to my highly sophisticated online search using afore-mentioned keywords: nothing. Even Grandmaster Google has no idea how writers can get it up. Medium offers up some tidbits juicy enough to waggle your felt-tip. Robert Bacal advises that we avoid “pushing through”. He explains that

“Writer’s block is a little like male sexual dysfunction. Once you get stuck in the cycle, your anxiety goes up, making it more and more difficult to…well, perform.”

However, I am less worried about your, um, tired quill, than I am about attending your funeral. And not just because a flight to your corner of the world is more than I will earn in my lifetime. I always hate to see a comrade-in-writing’s corpse. Funeral directors always consider it absolutely adorable to add a pocket protector and ballpoint just above heart level. Or spraypaint Shakespeare quotes below the $83,000 piece of side panel molding.

Death is so final. And without your wise words, your fans would likely execute a mass suicide. So how can we get you writing again? How can we up the ante and release the shame of poetry as a last resort? It might seem a little absurd to ask me. I am also currently existing in a space where life and writing don’t seem to mingle.

But here are some suggestions I have discovered. Amanda Clark-Rudolph promotes reading more than you poop, eat, and ogle your keyboard combined. Maya Sayvanova protests against aiming for perfection, claiming to just go ahead and write because “You are good enough. Give us you. That’s why we’d read your writing anyway.” Oh and some chick named Jennifer McDougall advises cleaning up your draft files.

If you’re truly desperate you could always script your own obituary. Or write a sixteen-act single-actor theatre piece entitled The Day I Died. What about penning love letters to every one of your Beatles-like fan base? Whatever you create will be amazing.

Or maybe you just need a few days off. Try swimming with sharks, picnicking with a basket full of Funnel Web spiders, or snorting a relaxing mix of Polydrug Punch. Use toothpicks to handcraft a toilet large enough to house Kiama’s Big Poo. Binge and cosplay Bridgerton.

May these ideas help you start authoring pieces bigger than your, um…six-word-photo-challenges. And help me avoid attending your funeral. Though often the nibblies at those death parties are rather impressive. Even if they are dowsed in vegemite.

Yours Truly,

The Ace Larrakin Who Barracks You All The Way

P.S. I do believe this letter just outed me from the funk. Back to the keyboard, people. Will Hull has done it again.

P.P.S. I apologize if I have offended any Australians with improper use of slang. I’m just following the advice of studiesinaustralia.com Spunk — a good looking person of either sex Yobbo — a rowdy/loud/disruptive person Vegemite — spread for toast or bread, savory in flavor [it’s disgusting] Lamingtons— sponge cakes coated in chocolate and grated coconut Bloke — male Ace — great, excellent Larrakin — a prankster, someone who likes to have a laugh Barrack —support (a sports team)

©Jennifer J. McDougall 2021

What prompted this?

Anyone Else In A Writer’s Funk?

Holy crap, I’m looking to poetry to save me

medium.com

How Thinking Like A Kid Can Overthrow Writer’s Block

Be Spontaneous, Have Fun, Be Absurd…and Get Writing

medium.com

Anyone out there struggling as well and/or happy to share whatever go-to’s you use in these uncertain times? Could be fun. And helpful.

Anne Bonfert,Dave Logan,Rodney Brazier,Susan Foster,Alice Cunningham,Michael Burg, MD (AKA Medium Michael Burg),Lucy Dan 蛋小姐 (she/her/她), Kristi Keller, Anthony O’Dugan, yesnodunno,Carlos Garbiras,Christopher Robin, Squeeze the Avocado,Kyomi O’Connor,kasey sparks, K. Barrett,Susan Alison,Australian Alien,Mary Chang Story Writer, VV Valentine, Amanda Wilson

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