Dear Sexual Abuser — how did you git so sick?

Summary

The author recounts their experience of being sexually abused by an older cousin during childhood and discusses the importance of understanding the abuser's background to facilitate healing and forgiveness without excusing the abuse.

Abstract

The author shares a deeply personal account of sexual abuse suffered at the hands of an older cousin during their formative years, which coincided with a time of frequent visits to their uncle's house for dirt biking. Despite the enjoyable family activity, the author was subjected to repeated sexual abuse by their cousin, an experience that has left them with lasting trauma and PTSD. Through trauma group therapy, the author has gained insight into the nature of abusers, recognizing that their behavior is often a result of their own unhealthy past experiences. The author emphasizes the necessity of not blaming the victim for the abuser's actions and advocates for compassion towards the abuser's background, which can empower survivors to forgive without condoning the abuse. The author also calls for the creation of a Medium Community to support others affected by similar traumas and points readers to their other articles on the subject of trauma.

Opinions

The author expresses discomfort and distress about the sexual abuse they endured from their older cousin, emphasizing the inappropriateness of the cousin's actions.
The author believes it is crucial to reconceptualize abusers as individuals influenced by their own damaging experiences rather than as people fully in control of their harmful behavior.
There is a strong opinion that healing from trauma involves understanding the abuser's background without transferring blame to the victim.
The author advocates for compassion towards abusers as a step towards empowering survivors to forgive, while also being clear that this does not absolve the abuser of responsibility for their actions.
The author is critical of the Medium platform's view-counting mechanism, feeling that it does not accurately reflect reader engagement with their content.
There is a desire to build a supportive community on Medium for individuals who have experienced similar traumas, suggesting a need for a space to share experiences and heal collectively.

Secrets kept inside hurt — let them out!

My father grew up with his two brothers and their families, but it was his brother’s two sons that had the biggest influence on me during my critical formative years. Growing up my family’s favorite activity was dirt biking, so we frequented my uncle’s house to build a racetrack in the field and race on it, making it our second home for the years 4-8. Sadly, during this time I was also sexually abused by my older cousin, making this period of my life a particularly difficult experience.

I was always uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed as my cousin, who was four years older than me. He tried to make it seem alright to touch me in sexual ways that I did not feel comfortable. It happened every night for over a year!

I want know why you thought this behavior was something okay. What made you this way, and why did you think you could get away with this? Explain to me your purpose in this matter and why you thought this was okay.

In attending trauma group therapy, I’ve come to understand that it is essential to conceive of abusers differently than how you would conceptualize yourself: not as people entirely in control of their behavior but as people whose brains are in unhealthy ways due to their past experiences. Indeed, the pain they’ve inflicted can never be undone; however, a meaningful step towards healing is not to place the blame for the abuser’s condition onto the victim. Instead, it is to be mindful of the abuser’s background and be compassionate. Recognizing this can ultimately empower the survivor to forgive the abuser without necessarily exonerating the abuser’s actions. I will end on this note. Trauma caused so much PTSD in my life, and there were so many verbal triggers I had to figure out; it was hard. I want a Medium Community where we can help one another get through the abusive times concerning our abuser’s sickness of being sexually devilized! Check out my other articles on trauma —

Please keep on scrolling, and do a backflip 360, so I can see that you VIEWED my article, so I can lose this Imposter syndrome of Medium views not even working in my favor… hopefully, they fix that crap! Many readers who READ my stuff called me and told me about it, and I still have one view. UGH! Oh well, I’m here to help others, not get a penny for a scroll job!!!

Dear sexual abuser — you’re a past relative; how did you become so sick?

Secrets kept inside hurt — let them out!

Trauma is my friend. I hate that!

Trauma can be your friend w/o you aware. Do you know him?