Dear Other Woman, Here Are the Things I Should Have Said
Saying them anyway.
When I found out that my abusive ex was cheating on me for years with a woman that I considered a mentee, I was beside myself. I couldn’t believe it.
Call me naïve, but I do think very highly of people. Even as an abuse survivor, I still can see the world through tainted lenses.
I am a writer who has had her script play on television and yet, it seems that I think betrayals happen more often on screens than in real life.
She was a young woman when we met—very hardworking and aiming to please. Yet, she was the one who stabbed me in the back—just like he did.
But her desperation to have me out of her way, both in the business I helped build, and to remove me from the relationship I was in, that whole situation would always marvel my senses.
I had questions:
- Why?
I could never have done this to you? I could never have… why? What did I ever do to you?
My abuser will always remain that to me but, your presence must have intensified the cruelty.
Why was my pain, the fuel that your affair needed?
I saw your chats calling me lazy and unemployed after you took my seat in the business I built. I saw your chats calling me evil and deserving of all my shame…
What did I ever do to you?
You already took everything. What would have been enough- my head on the guillotine?
My public shame and humiliation? You got that. You have my business and the man I used to love.
I would never understand hearts like yours.
- I know you do not care. You saw me. You did what you did anyway.
Did you always hate me or was it your love for what I had that turned you into the person you became?
- Do you have a heart beating inside of you? A conscience? How do you sleep at night?
Maybe on all of my hard work. I did good. I must say.
- Did you tell your mother all that you did? Cos my own mother would have asked how I went from employee to manager and banging my much older boss.
Did your mother tell you to beware of men like that? Did she ask you if that was how she raised you- that one woman’s pain was your springboard to all your heart desires?
- Is this all you aspire to? My end, your beginning? The man I left, your treasure? I am gone now, what next? Is your love still burning on the burning hatred of me? Was destroying me really the best anchor for your love?
- How long did you plan this with him before it all came out? Did he trip and fall into your vagina or did you trip and fall on his dick?
- I know you do not care. You never will- that will make you too human. Caring about me, about the pains you caused me, will demand that you confront your humanity. I do not think you have it in you to do—not yet. You are still in the throes of love.
But I want to ask, the sneakiness of forbidden love is its fuel, right? Who are you sneaking around with to still keep it burning or who is he sneaking around with to keep it burning?
Remember, I am gone. I always will be gone.
- Finally, I want to tell you that I see you. Before I had all the proof, I saw you. I saw the anger in your eyes before you took my seat. I heard the resentment in your voice every time you had to answer to me.
Somewhere in your mind, you think you were sly enough.
The thing with evil is that you begin to think you are the greatest evil mind that ever evil-ed. You weren’t.
I see you… I saw you.
I wish I had the confidence to tell you then that I saw through you. Maybe it would have ruined some of the fun of all that sneaking around like a mouse on steroids.
Dearest,
For the longest time, I had your number itching to dial and ask you these questions. I wanted to cry to you. I wanted to ask you- why you could do this- do any of this.
Maybe you will have lied. Maybe you will have screamed at me and gotten my abuser to hurt me even more. Maybe you will have laughed at me. I will never know now.
I was angry at you for the longest time. I was angry at him too. All the things he did- dogs deserve better dignity.
I had none. I told no one of the abuse I suffered until I was gone. I cried through the nights. I had panic attacks. I was anxious when he came through the door. I had no peace. I had no dignity.
Talking to him, he made me feel like a nuisance. You occupied all his time.
From your chats to him, you expressed your anger that he still had to leave your arms to come home to me. What did he still have to do with that witch (me)?
You hated if he ever got me anything good. In the business I built. In the relationship I worked hard on.
You reign supreme, queen. If this is your biggest hustle, I hope it works out well for you.
I do not wish you well. I do not wish you bad. I wish you nothing. And wishing you nothing took me a very long time to get to.
Hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is. I continue to heal from everything you both put me through.
While I may never understand all of this, I have learned:
- To be grateful for the present. My present is peaceful. There isn’t a soul running around cheating on me.
- Surviving abuse has made me stronger and smarter. I will sooner run from a good thing than fall into a bad thing because I chose to stick around to see if they will change.
- I am better at setting boundaries.
- I have met many more people, made more healthy connections and continue to grow.
- I love myself more. In my world is joy. In my world is peace. In my world, I choose what I want and do what I want.
So dear,
May our paths never cross again. In life, I believe we all get what we deserve in the end. May you get yours too.