‘Baby’: With An Abuser, You Really Are.
Like pawns on a chessboard.
Aww…. you are in love. How is that working out for you?
READ WHY: I Would Have Been A Murderer
When you look back at life after abuse, you will realize that abusers infantilize the objects of their control. I deliberately used ‘object’ because I do not see anyway an abuser will think of you as a human being. You are an object for a means to an end.
Consider these 3 ways abusers infantilize people:
. You cannot speak your thoughts or share your opinion freely?
Even a baby is encouraged to speak up. But hush! Your abusive owner does not like you to have a mind of your own, to think that you can speak freely or for you to think you are capable of smart independent contributions.
I remember sharing a valid contribution towards my ex abuser’s developing business and publicly he shouted at me- “what qualifies you to give your opinion? Your just spoke because you are girlfriend!”
Yes sir!
How often do you bite your tongue with your ‘baby?’ How often do you write, rewrite your texts, so there is virtually no personality in it because something ‘colourful’ like the wrong emoji, can trigger your ‘baby?’ How often do you practice your speech before you say it to them?
Sorry babe.
. An abuser tells you what to wear because how you dress is somehow a reflection on them.
At first you will think it is a joke but soon, you realize- no one is laughing. “My girlfriend/wife” will NEVER wear so and so or look in a so or so manner!”
Do you not see- they are your father (or mother) and the same way your bad manners embarrassed your parents, is the same way your ‘inappropriate’ dressings embarrass your new parent (owner, I mean).
Soon, you will realize that you will be making dress choices with their voice sternly berating you- even in their absence.
Yes baby!
. “Your only brand is “Okwy”. You have failed at everything you have ever done”. (Actual quote)
If you succeed- your ‘baby’ gets the praise. If you fail- baby tongue lashes you like that gem that was once used to cut me down.
Abusers always tend to rewrite history to suit their narratives and fuel their need to control you. Your memory is never now complete with them. They take credit for your breakthroughs and damn you if you ever go against them and fail at something- you are a failure!
Sorry babe!
They have to crush you so completely that you will fear any form of dissention around them again.
They call you ‘baby’ and you are actually a baby to them NEVER a partner. Partnership assumes some form of equality.
READ: Every Time I Have To Discipline My Child
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One of the reasons I stayed in abuse for so long was because I thought a time will come and everything will fall into place- be alright. Baby dear- it doesn’t all ever fall in place.
If you are still hesitating about leaving an abuser- look outside- life is right now happening. In this big vast earth, how in the world is your abuser the best thing to ever happen to you? Who did you offend? Life is happening- get in!
I haven’t called any grown up “baby” in a while and no one is baby-ing me. Both are okay by me. I am a badass grownup woman and I am loving being grown up and acting my age.
Thank you for reading. Buy me coffee?