Dear Editor: Unfortunately, I’ll Have To Take A Pass On This One
In response to your email rejection of my latest submission
Dear Hip, New-ish, Popular Publication Editor:
I wanted to personally thank you for your recent email rejection in response to my latest submission. As I’m sure you know, with freelancing, writers pitch and receive a large number of boilerplate email rejections from highly qualified editors like yourself. I’ve been particularly fortunate during this pandemic, though, in that this week’s inbox contained perhaps the largest pool of rejection emails in the history of my writing career. At times I’ve found it necessary to reject even those rejection emails that would have otherwise satisfied my weekly rejection quota. It is therefore impossible for me to accept every qualified rejection, and thus, I’ve had some very difficult decisions to make.
After careful consideration, unfortunately, I’m going to have to take a pass on this one. It is with great humility that I am unable to accept your rejection at this time.
Please trust that throughout my decision-making process, I have kept in mind the enormous time and effort it takes to reach a conclusion regarding which pieces of writing to elevate or reject. I assure you that I’ve reviewed each rejection email with diligence and thorough precision. The process of narrowing down such a large applicant pool and determining which rejection to reject is always a challenging decision, and one that takes many factors into consideration.
Ultimately, it came down to the overwhelming conclusion that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time, and I will therefore assume the status of featured writer for your hip, new-ish, popular publication beginning Tuesday, May 26, 2020 — right after the holiday. I look forward to being prominently displayed on your homepage and pushed on your social media accounts then, as well as for the indefinite future.
I am keenly aware of the disappointment this decision may bring to you and your publication, but I hope you might take some comfort in knowing that no freelancer delights in ever having to turn away adequate (and often creative) rejection emails.
Unfortunately, all of my rejected rejection decisions are final; there is no further appeals process. I fully appreciate how difficult it may be to understand why your rejection was not accepted. Please know that this in no way diminishes your efforts. I would be delighted to consider any future rejection emails that you may wish to send. I am indeed humbled by the commitment you’ve demonstrated in all of your rejection endeavors thus far.
I hope that receiving my final decision will prove helpful to you as you edit and curate content for the remainder of this pandemic season.
Sincerely,
Martie Sirois Writer |Editor |Human Cc: Humor: my coping mechanism in dark times
A response to this supremely cathartic writing prompt for Broads Non Grata:
Martie Sirois (“sir-ROY”): Flawed human. Gen X. Laughter addict. Have gone viral a time or two. Mom of 3 who kneels for #BlackLivesMatter and stands up for trans rights. Found a home on Medium after learning I could earn $$ writing the same stuff I’d been posting on Facebook, for free — that’s it, that’s my secret. Now writing at the intersection of culture, politics & equality w/work featured in HuffPost, Scary Mommy, etc.; heard on NPR affiliates, SiriusXM, TIFO Podcast, and elsewhere around the ‘net. Connect with me further: