Summary

The website content discusses the personal aesthetic preferences regarding men wearing dresses and the appropriateness of expressing such opinions in a public forum, with a focus on respect and inclusivity.

Abstract

In the "Dear Cisters" column, host Stephenie Magister addresses a reader's discomfort with men, particularly cisgender heterosexual men, wearing dresses. The reader, who identifies as "Hyphothetical Phobia," expresses a lack of attraction to men in dresses and questions the societal expectation of praising any choice of attire regardless of aesthetic appeal. Magister responds by emphasizing that personal preferences should not dictate how others present themselves and that the reader's viewpoint, while their own, is unkind. Another reader, "Gas Is Expensive, But Gaslighting Is Free," follows up, questioning whether only supportive opinions are acceptable. Magister clarifies that the column is not a space for negative or harmful conversations and reiterates the importance of respecting diverse expressions of gender and fashion.

Opinions

The initial reader, "Hyphothetical Phobia," believes that men, especially cisgender heterosexual men, do not look flattering or attractive in dresses and is critical of societal praise for such fashion choices.
Stephenie Magister, the column host, views the reader's opinion as unkind and emphasizes that individuals are not obligated to conform to others' standards of attractiveness or presentation.
Magister also asserts that while everyone is entitled to their own opinions, the column is not a platform for expressing views that could be harmful or disrespectful to others' gender expressions.
A second reader, "Gas Is Expensive, But Gaslighting Is Free," implies that there might be a limitation on expressing dissenting opinions, particularly those that are not positive or supportive, within the column's space.
Magister reaffirms that the column's purpose is not to engage in conversations that are negative or that invalidate the identities and choices of others, highlighting the need for a respectful and inclusive dialogue.

Dear Cisters: What if I just hate how men look in dresses?

And what if I want to tell you why?

Welcome to Dear Cisters, the column that’s more like Dear Abby than the Savage Lovecast. I’m your host, transgender writer/editor/nerd Stephenie Magister.

Today’s question is taken from a dear listener who understands this is a safe place to disagree with whatever we say.

DEAR CISTERS,

What if you have zero issue with men wearing traditionally women’s clothing but don’t find that it’s flattering or attractive on them?

Like when some singer posed in a dress in a magazine he was not trans but he just didn’t look good (in my opinion). Some clothing is more flattering to some peoples body types and some men do not look good in a dress.

I don’t mean like, “Is it okay for me to not feel attracted to different kinds of people?” Obviously anyone can feel attracted to whoever they want.

No it’s more like people go “Wow look at this dude being so stunning and brave wearing a dress” (while the person is not a cross dresser as far as we know), but in reality, they look terrible.

Nobody actually goes, “Wow that dude looks smoking hot in a dress” (as far as I can tell). It is as if the magazines and media expect that everyone should be praised for any choice regardless of the aesthetic appeal.

If he wore a potato sack, someone would probably praise it without mentioning that the potato sack looks awful.

This isn’t a cross dresser who is looking to bring light to their dress style, it’s a cis gendered heterosexual man wearing a dress. So….”ok”?

Sincerely, Hyphothetical Phobia

Hi Hypo-Phobe,

Ah! Well, since you asked, what you described is an incredibly unkind view toward others. We are not all extensions of you and your preferences, nor are all people here to serve your preferences for what you and people like you find attractive. Having said that, you are entitled to your own way of seeing things.

Sincerely, Stephenie

BEEP BEEP — WEEWOO WEEWOO WEWOO— INCOMING REPLY

DEAR CISTERS,

Alrighty then so only positive supportive viewpoints are allowed or I can have the opinion but not express it?

Sincerely, Gas Is Expensive, But Gaslighting Is Free

Dear GiGi,

That’s not what I said. I’m not here to have that kind of conversation with anyone ❤

Sincerely, Someone Else’s Trans Mom

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Today’s Transphobic Question: Are Trans Women Really Women?

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