Dating Series: Three Days In, He Started Naming Our Kids and Pets

Because, you know, three days is enough.

Gather around, children! Auntie Joanna is going to tell you a story of the worst date she has ever had. You already saw the title — I now realize, it spoils the story, because you already know what happened. But trust me, THERE IS MORE! The gentleman I met for a coffee came up with so many pearls of wisdom. I had to take out my phone in the middle of the date to take notes.

Backstory: How It All Started

I was 22 at the time, recently broke up with my boyfriend and was trying my chances with online dating. The reason I’m starting the Dating Series is exactly for that reason: I have accumulated so many stories; they deserve to be shared with the world.

Anyway, I responded to a guy who sent me a lengthy message. I wasn’t sure if I liked his profile: he put zero effort into his profile picture, but I’m not very interested in those — it’s the bio that catches my eye. He wrote a lot of nice things and overall seemed like a decent human being, so I responded. Five minutes into the conversation, he mentioned his passion for astronomy, so I, being a wholesome person who can discuss many different topics, said something about Stephen Hawking and his work. The guy — let’s call him Kris — went silent for a moment and then proceeded to tell me how unique I am and how no other girl has ever wanted to talk to him about science. He made it clear he was impressed and very interested, which didn’t sit right with me: why would he say he has never met a girl like me after 20 minutes of chatting online? Isn’t this too much, too fast? But I brushed those thoughts off, and we kept talking.

First Red Flag

Kris wasn’t a bad guy. On the contrary, he was really nice and sweet. Too sweet. Way too sweet and clingy, in my opinion. I feel bad for saying this, but there are norms associated with human interaction and communication. I’m happy to hear a compliment, but I don’t need twenty of them per day. I also don’t want to listen to a guy talking about other women not being as smart as I am — he might think it’s a compliment, but it’s really not. Men who degrade women aren’t appealing to me at all. That was the first red flag.

Second Red Flag: Baby Names

I can fall in love reasonably fast, but when I have feelings for someone, they are genuine. Kris’ feelings, unfortunately, were questionable. Him showing me with too many compliments already made me skeptical. But when he started naming our children after three days of texting, I knew I had to pause and rethink the entire situation.

We only talked via chat and text so far. There was no first date or even a phone conversation. I talked a little bit about myself, and he told me a lot about himself. I didn’t see any warning signs of being bombarded with baby name ideas. Kris told me how many children we will have and what their names are going to be. Once I hinted, I’m not sure about those names, he said:

“It’s okay; we can use those for the pets.”

I didn’t know what to say. As a girl, and especially a girl who is barely over 20, I was trained to be nice, polite, always agree and smile. I would do it even I disagreed. I would also do it online, not only in person. However, that didn’t mean I was happy with the way our conversation was going, and I started thinking about an exit route.

When he started naming our children after three days of texting, I knew I had to pause and rethink the entire situation.

It Felt Wrong and Overwhelming

I knew I had to put a stop to this connection. I’ve met guys who hide their emotions and don’t reveal true feelings, and that’s not ideal. I have also met men who were too emotional, and that wasn’t great either. But this gentleman was beyond emotional, and probably the most emotional male I have ever encountered.

After a few days of talking, I became extremely overwhelmed. I tried to calm down and convince myself it was okay, and he was probably a nice guy, etc. But the baby talk made me not only overwhelmed but borderline uncomfortable. Going from a zero to a hundred, without any indication from me that I want to pick names for our future children, or that I even considered myself having kids with Kris, was too much. I did not! And I probably wouldn’t after several dates.

It’s relevant to mention that I struggle from depression, which entails me taking care of my emotional health and staying away from stressful situations. I realized I chose the wrong time to date or at least the wrong guy to date. I decided to end this connection after it barely started.

The baby talk made me not only overwhelmed but borderline uncomfortable.

Turning the Guy Down

I always try to be honest while doing my best not to hurt anyone’s feelings. Unfortunately, in this situation, it was evident Kris wouldn’t like what I had to say. First, he was understanding and accepted my decision. I explained how I feel and mentioned my depression. I said I should probably focus on getting help and taking care of myself, and a relationship would not be a healthy choice for me right now.

Obviously, that was only a half-truth. I didn’t want to tell him I was appalled by him talking negatively about other women. I chose not to tell him that complimenting someone twice in ten minutes is sweet but doesn’t seem genuine. I decided not to mention how inappropriate it is to share the baby names with a girl three days into an online conversation. It might be appropriate for him or for someone else, but people are different, right? Kris just had to look for someone with the same level of emotions. To me, such behaviour seemed overwhelming and presented red flags.

I Didn’t Expect to Hear About What Sex Position He Liked

The same day I turned Kris down, it’s like a water dam broke loose and I started drowning. He unleashed the emotions and thoughts I didn’t expect to hear. Kris started telling me how afraid he is to spend his life alone and how he’s afraid of loneliness. This is a very vulnerable and earnest thing to share. But the problem was, he shared way too much of it. Kris was talking about his old girlfriends and what happened with them. He told me how his family was conservative and didn’t allow him to spend the night with women. The thing that shocked me the most was him mentioning what sex position he likes the most.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a sex-positive person, and I don’t have a problem discussing intimacy with people. Having that said, I only do it with close friends. If someone I don’t know very well starts talking about sex, it has to be mentioned the proper way. Let me be clear: hearing about Kris’ preference in bed right after him talking about how his immature his girlfriend was, and also about how lonely he feels, was a little bit too much and uncalled for. Being the person I am, I sent him a message along the lines of: “Oh, I see, good choice,” but this encounter made me cringe.

I’m Not a B**ch, I Swear

If a guy-friend of mine told me he developed feelings for someone instantly, stated his intentions right away and started thinking about baby names; I would find it incredibly cute. If that same friend informed me the girl ended things with him within a few days and didn’t even give him a chance, I would have told him she’s emotionally immature and that he dodged a bullet. I’m sure this is how Kris saw me and how someone from the outside would interpret my behaviour.

There is a proper way to communicate, and it’s different for everyone. I don’t necessarily want to take things slowly, but a man who names our children a few days after matching online is too much for me. It may be normal for him, but I’m different. Seeing other red flags was a problem as well. I felt extremely bad, but this connection felt wrong, so I had to end it.

I’m not afraid of commitment, and I’m looking for one. I also know I want to have children and would love to discuss this topic. I agree that sharing feelings and emotions is imperative, as well as establishing proper communication. But in this case, we were speaking different languages on the emotional and personal level. He presented 90% of emotions, and I accounted for only 10% of them. He was also moving with the speed of a race car without ever meeting me in person or hearing my voice. Unfortunately, this wasn’t my guy. I’m a Honda Civic, not a Ferrari.

This story has continued, and it got much worse. I can’t say it was bad, but this experience made me feel sad. I wrote a short series about Kris and our encounters. I broke this story down into three pieces so that it’s not overwhelming to read. Check out two articles below to see what happened next: