Dating Series: The Guy Refuses to Pay for Women, Because Women Should Find Jobs and Pay for Their Own Food

Unless it’s the girl’s Birthday — that’s the only time he would get the cheque

You can find the first two parts of this story here:

Let’s pick up where we left off: I jumped into a subway train and was on my way to meet Kris. As I was approaching the station, my train stopped in a tunnel. Unfortunately, this is normal for my city — trains and buses break down all the time. I texted Kris, saying I might be a little bit late.

“It’s okay,” — he replied. “I got here early, sipping coffee from Second Cup.”

My eyebrows already got into a habit of jumping to the sky while talking to this man.

“Second Cup?” — I asked. “Isn’t it as expensive as Starbucks? I thought you wanted to save money”.

“Yeah, but I really wanted it,” — he replied.

I decided to brush it off, although it was weird. This guy changed plans with me twice, because he wanted to save $2–5; yet he was okay spending $4 for a pricey coffee? I didn’t have time to think about it as my train started moving and I reached my station. I quickly found Kris, and we went to Starbucks.

I Only Had 45 Seconds to Talk

Kris seemed okay. He looked shy and nervous, but I’m guessing there isn’t a protocol for meeting a girl who went from “yes, I’ll date you” to “no, I won’t” in three days. I felt comfortable and more confident than nervous. I figured he would calm down and we’ll have a nice conversation.

As we stood in the line at Starbucks, I asked if Kris wanted another coffee. He said it was okay. Then he looked at me and said very quietly:

“If you want, I can ever pay for your coffee… But only If you really want,”.

That sounded strange, but I assured him I’m totally fine paying for my own coffee. I wanted to ask him to order something for himself as well, as I didn’t mind buying a beverage for him, as I also made him wait because my train got stuck. But he already said no, so I bit my tongue. I got a small Frappuccino, and we sat down.

It was dead silent for almost a minute. I realized I should break the ice and asked him a few questions. We started talking. Well, he started talking. I only had about 45 seconds to tell him about me and my life, and then he interrupted and delivered a tirade about his job. Unfortunately, I didn’t get too many chances to participate in the conversation. I made multiple attempts to jump in, but Kris kept going. At some point, I just gave up and just sat there.

The worst part was him describing his work, which took a lion share of the conversation. I wish I could enjoy it, but Kris worked with cars, and I didn’t know much about them. He went into details and elaborated on every single thing. I’m afraid I didn’t understand most of what he was saying.

For about an hour, I humbly sat there, sipping my Frappuccino and trying to pay attention to the guy’s monologue. Then Kris got bored and asked if we can walk around the mall. I agreed.

We started talking. Well, he started talking. I only had about 45 seconds to tell him about me and my life, and then he interrupted and delivered a tirade about his job.

He Took Me to a Video Game Store and Kept Talking Some More

Kris told me he wanted to look for a video game at the game store nearby, so we went there. As we entered the store, he started another monologue about what games he plays. I’m not an avid gamer, so I couldn’t participate. Kris talked in-depth about which games he likes the most and what’s happening in those games. I tangled along as he walked around the store.

“Should I spend another $100 on the games?” — he asked. “I already dropped $100 in the last week; I don’t know if I want to spend more”.

It took me aback for a moment. Wasn’t this man asking me if I’m okay to pay for my food, because he spent money on work-related expenses last week? But now it turns out he actually splurged on video games, and he wants to drop another $100 on those?

As I mentioned in the previous part of this story, I always expect to pay at a date. Since this wasn’t even a date, I was 100% prepared to pay. But at this point, this entire situation was iffy. I was standing at the video game shop as Kris looked at every game on the wall, and was wondering if all this talk about finding a cheaper place to meet occurred just because the guy didn’t want to spend $4 on me. It was weird and funny at the same time. But what I didn’t know was that it would get worse.

We Went to Eat, and He Said All Women Want Is His Money

We left the video game store, and Kris decided to go to a restaurant after all. If I had to guess, he saw me paying for my own coffee at Starbucks, and realized I was telling the truth about being fully capable of getting my own drink. We went to the same place I originally selected and ordered.

As we sat down, Kris opened his mouth and started talking. I wish he never did. We spent two hours at the restaurant, and the entire time he was saying that girls only want to date rich guys and that all women want is money.

Here are a few other examples of his pearls of wisdom:

“If I’m dating someone and it’s her birthday, then all right, I will pay. But every other time, the girl has to pay for herself”.

“Women can’t expect guys to pay on dates. Women need to find jobs, so they can pay for their own food”.

“I have a friend who’s always broke because he pays for dinner with his girlfriend. He’s an idiot”.

“Girls don’t like me. When I show up to the date, they just want me to pay for them. I don’t want to do that”.

“Girls are sometimes disappointed when they first see me. Sure thing, they only want to date tall and fit men. Good guys like me are not good enough for them”.

At this point, I was debating if I should come up with an excuse and sprint out of the restaurant; or if I want to stay to hear more of those. This was remarkable! Never before I heard anyone saying such things. I was flabbergasted and amused at the same time.

Our Waitress Made My Day. She Also Made The Guy Very Irate

The funniest part occurred when we asked for the cheque. I swear on my life, the waitress must have heard this “nice guy” talking when she was serving us. Because when we asked for the cheque, she didn’t confirm if it should be separate or not; and once she came back, she presented the entire cheque to Kris. Judging from his facial expression, he was confused and angry at the same time.

“These should be separate!” — he exclaimed.

The waitress proceeded to explain that the top items are his and the bottom ones are mine, but I didn’t want her to interact with him for too long. I jumped in right away and gave her a $20 bill. My part of the cheque was $12, which added up to $13.50 with taxes.

“I will get your change right away,” — the waitress replied.

“No-no, it’s okay, this is for you. You are amazing” — I responded.

Our eyes locked, and we both smiled. Do you know that special smile the girls give each other as if saying “I know what you mean, girl” or “good job, you’re a queen”? It was THAT kind of a smile. I knew exactly why she gave Kris one bill instead of two, and she knew I was grateful for that. Kris, still upset about the bill, paid and we left. He walked me to the subway station, and I went home.

We spent two hours at the restaurant, and the entire time he was saying that girls only want to date rich guys and that all women want is money.

He Thought Our “Date” Went Amazingly Well

I was still talking to Kris for about a week, and then I blocked him. It wasn’t because of the miserable meet-up experience, but because he started texting me non-stop and expected me to reply right away. I would be at work, and he would text every hour. Not only that but if I didn’t text back, he would send follow-up texts asking if I was there and if something happened.

“Nothing happened, I’m at work,” — I replied every time.

Unfortunately, he kept texting me like there was no tomorrow. On top of that, he was quite emotional and was talking about his dating life again. I got overwhelmed, and one day, after he double texted me five times, I blocked him. I couldn’t handle it emotionally. I got the impression that he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend or a friend; he was looking for someone who would listen to him talking. I was disappointed after meeting him, not to mention all the red flags and constant texting. I didn’t want to even be his friend, let alone consider dating him.

Here’s the kicker: I tried another dating website a year ago — and he found me there! He messaged me, asking where I went and what happened. I felt guilty, apologized and told him I needed to disengage. I then decided to be honest and let him know that our “date” didn’t go too well, and it was better for us not to stay in touch.

“What are you talking about? It went amazingly well! — replied Kris.

I couldn’t handle it. I facepalmed and blocked him again. First, I considered typing out a humongous message explaining WHY it was horrendous and WHY I didn’t want to talk to him. But I decided against it. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, plus the guy was insecure and extremely shy in the first place. I figured, if I told him what I thought, I would ruin his confidence and hurt him. I’d rather stay in his mind as “the b**ch who refused to date him and then blocked him twice” than “the b**ch who completely destroyed the shreds of his self-esteem.”

I haven’t seen Kris after that. I hope I never will. If I do, and he presses me about why I blocked him, I don’t think I will tell him the truth. I still feel bad about the way I behaved, but considering the 3 hours I spent listening to him talk about how all girls want is his money, I suppose I paid my dues. Many other girls would probably stand up and walked away.

By the way, I never figured out what money Kris was talking about. He worked for a minimum wage and didn’t earn a big salary. I made almost twice as much, and I would be totally fine buying him coffee or food. This is what I do for my friends, and they act the same way.