Curiosity

Can we recover back our capacity to be curious? — A poem

curiosity requires courage to play live

not in the safety of highlights in head

to play live with reality as it unfolds

it’s not about fulfilling my plan

but the courage to risk with what comes

curiosity cannot be exercised with crutches to hold

make no bones with it

it’s either curiosity or mechanical dullness

it got nothing to do with courageously executing my ‘how-to-s’ — ignore the irony

curiosity does not come with a set of solutions

set of what to do if such and such arises

curiosity requires us to exercise our own whole being intelligence — freedom

and that can’t be achieved without tolerating “presence”

unfortunately, we are so used to being hijacked by fear

and fill it up with some pre-planned tricks because I hate fear

rather than cultivating the capacity to be curious about fear

— to be present and attentive with it with fresh eyes

requires us to get back our control from the thinking-mind slavery.

Fear has become an excuse to give up curiosity.

Difficult thoughts and confusions has become an excuse too.

It’s not even an outside force that is forcing us to give up.

But our own internal pressure and endless excuses thereafter.

It’s not like we are dragged while being nailed to a cross, like Jesus,

begging us to give up.

Nevertheless, we get to fill time — no escape there.

Conformity is within. Rebellion is also within.

I got fear so I give up — lol.

We might even cultivate fear to excuse.

( me too or just me ☺ )

( Truth be told. )

Shit, I ain’t curious at all and I hate the fact, so I give up. ☺

I want to be curious but I ain’t already, so I give into thought indulgence.

Seeing one’s own inertia to conform without excusing is a quiet, yet difficult, inner rebellion.

After all, there cannot be such a thing called conditional curiosity.

Atleast we could start being curious about the excuse to give up curiosity.

And no one can be blamed for our stubbornness — no one can help with it

to deal as it is then and there what may come

without any memorized formulas to look for

it’s either courage or merely pretending to be courageous.

We can’t keep holding on to our book in our armpits

and yet hope to raise our hands without letting go of the book.

We are even scared to exercise curiosity during a 100-meter walk

we would rather be busy with how I reach the 100-meter point

how to get the thing and get back — saving our ass, that’s all!

while missing everything reality demands to be attentive to

— be it in our own body-mind or outside.

Yeah, after all, what if something disturbs my fake confidence in the way?

Or the fake confidence I hope to cultivate in the future?(always not yet there)

I am a frog in the well priding myself for my profound inability — success.

I better hyper-focus on my goal and get on with it — fuck curiosity, right?

We had been weakened yet we do not want to see that.

We are doing it to ourselves.

We are busy fulfilling some end-point goal

all the time blind to being weakened.

We are in fact celebrating our ability to weaken ourselves, not to mention being even proud.

Beating down the monkey-mind is an easy and lazy way to escape exercising curiosity.

If I don’t have the capacity to be curious about my own unique internal world as it is,

how am I going to be curious about the external world and even other human beings? — not a chance, at the best I might put up a show as a cover-up.

My layers of lethargy.

Curiosity demands of me to be first curious with my rationalizations and fears that I come up with to escape being curious.