‘Cuckold’ Is The Wrong Term

Free AI web copilot to create summaries, insights and extended knowledge, download it at here

2702

Abstract

ended up enjoying that way more than I imagined that I would. These days, our most regular extra-pair sex partner is a woman named Tamara, whom we both adore and find very desirable.</p><p id="d86e">Eventually, we did find a man to engage in a threesome with. Although James probably did prefer the FMF threesome we’d had a few weeks before, he still really enjoyed the one we had with a man — and not because he felt humiliated or submissive because of it. He also wasn’t uncomfortable, jealous, or worried about being naked around another man. We both left the encounter feeling kind of high, not on any substance, but on the whole energy of the experience. I had finally gotten to live out my fantasy and it was everything that I imagined it could be and more.</p><p id="48cb">James and the other man did not have any sexual interaction with each other and so I was the complete center of attention. While that has an obvious appeal, it also completely disrupted any sort of usual bedroom dynamics between me and James, and he enjoyed that. I was more assertive than I usually am and just kind of sexually unleashed, which he definitely benefitted from. Then there’s the live porn aspect as well as getting to watch your partner from different angles than you are used to.</p><p id="960d">We both agree that threesomes put us more directly in the present. The everyday distractions of life just don’t intrude in the same way that they can sometimes when it’s just us. James likes to refer to MFM as “goddess worship” and he definitely feels compersion — the joy one feels at seeing your partner having a pleasurable experience.</p><p id="bc5e">When we debriefed afterward, James told me that he likes that the common narrative about MFM is being interrupted. Rather than a woman servicing two men at once, or being taken advantage of in some way, I am the one who is taking the lead and being the focus of the action. It turns him on to see me sexually empowered and having a pleasurable experience and James enjoys getting to participate in that.</p><p id="f016">That seems to me like the complete opposite of how the term <i>cuckold</i> is typically used. Sure, there are some other men who like watching their wife or girlfriend with another man for reasons that don’t have to do with it challenging their assumed ownership of her, but I don’t think cuckold is the right term for them either. There may be some element of sperm competition taking place, as well as other factors similar to the ones that I have described which are just about pure, naked enjoyment of the dynamic.</p><p id="9671">In general, I’m not that big on labels, particularly since the world of polyamory means there are a

Options

lmost infinite permutations of how to be in relationship with your partners. Still, some people have referred to what James and I do as cuckoldry. At times it has been meant in a judgemental and derisive way, but at other times the intention has been more neutral.</p><p id="a753">Maybe it’s because I am pretty attached to the notion that words have specific meanings, but I just don’t like that word when it’s used in relation to us. I have no issue with the word itself or with people doing whatever they want in the bedroom, for whatever reasons, as long as it’s consensual. If somebody enjoys feeling emasculated, that’s fine with me, although I’m not all that crazy about the cultural messaging that men are weak or submissive if they don’t control the woman in their life. If people want to engage in that dynamic, hey, whatever… it doesn’t really affect me.</p><p id="22b4">But I do wish there was a better way to make a distinction between adultery and those who engage in extra-pair sex with other men with their partner’s knowledge and consent. I also wish there was a way to better distinguish between men who get off on being humiliated and men who actually just like seeing their partner having a great time — because those strike me as very different dynamics.</p><p id="d919">© Copyright Elle Beau 2021 Elle Beau writes on Medium about sex, life, relationships, society, anthropology, spirituality, and love. If this story is appearing anywhere other than Medium.com, it appears without my consent and has been stolen.</p><div id="79e5" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-first-near-mfm-threesome-3a1ba5413d7e"> <div> <div> <h2>My First Near MFM Threesome</h2> <div><h3>And how it planted a seed that would only be fulfilled years later</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*3E9sj_TtFbbnkPhYV1qqQA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="ad61" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/she-comes-first-ba85c58aee8c"> <div> <div> <h2>She Comes First</h2> <div><h3>A Blonde One/Dark One MFM Erotica Story</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*zLJSULieVVlSzQ1t.)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Although my husband does enjoy seeing me with other men

Image Licensed from Adobe Stock

The dictionary defines the word cuckold as the husband of an adulteress and goes on to explain that it is typically a term of derision. The word implies that the guy is being made a fool of because he can’t control his woman. Even among those who consensually have sex with other people, the term still often implies humiliation for the man — something that some guys actually get off on. It’s widely considered a form of submission — once again because he isn’t in control (as apparently, as the man, he is supposed to be).

When interviewed about why they enjoy being cuckolded, here’s what a few men had to say:

“The main reason I like cuckolding is because it’s completely backwards and doesn’t make any sense. I like the rejection and the humiliation.”

“Once you get the girl of your dreams, you’re bored. The best way to keep it spicy is by letting her turn you down. And what better way for her to do that, than to have sex with another man right in front of you?”

But what do you call it when a man really enjoys watching his partner with other men because he likes seeing her sexually empowered and unleashed — when it has nothing at all to do with feeling like something that belongs to him is being taken right in front of him? I don’t think that cuckold is truly the right word in that instance.

My husband James and I first opened up our relationship to other lovers about 6 years ago. One night over a couple of glasses of wine, I had finally gotten up the courage to tell him that I’d had a very brief (2 minutes long) threesome with two guys in college and how I’d always wondered what that would have been like if we had actually gotten to continue. Our discussion around what that fantasy might be like fueled our lovemaking and I figured that was the end of it.

But the next morning James told me that if that was something I really wanted to do, we should — just as long as could have a threesome with a woman as well. Our first experience with other people was actually with a couple, and that was fun, but it still didn’t scratch the MFM threesome itch for me. Next, we played with another woman and I ended up enjoying that way more than I imagined that I would. These days, our most regular extra-pair sex partner is a woman named Tamara, whom we both adore and find very desirable.

Eventually, we did find a man to engage in a threesome with. Although James probably did prefer the FMF threesome we’d had a few weeks before, he still really enjoyed the one we had with a man — and not because he felt humiliated or submissive because of it. He also wasn’t uncomfortable, jealous, or worried about being naked around another man. We both left the encounter feeling kind of high, not on any substance, but on the whole energy of the experience. I had finally gotten to live out my fantasy and it was everything that I imagined it could be and more.

James and the other man did not have any sexual interaction with each other and so I was the complete center of attention. While that has an obvious appeal, it also completely disrupted any sort of usual bedroom dynamics between me and James, and he enjoyed that. I was more assertive than I usually am and just kind of sexually unleashed, which he definitely benefitted from. Then there’s the live porn aspect as well as getting to watch your partner from different angles than you are used to.

We both agree that threesomes put us more directly in the present. The everyday distractions of life just don’t intrude in the same way that they can sometimes when it’s just us. James likes to refer to MFM as “goddess worship” and he definitely feels compersion — the joy one feels at seeing your partner having a pleasurable experience.

When we debriefed afterward, James told me that he likes that the common narrative about MFM is being interrupted. Rather than a woman servicing two men at once, or being taken advantage of in some way, I am the one who is taking the lead and being the focus of the action. It turns him on to see me sexually empowered and having a pleasurable experience and James enjoys getting to participate in that.

That seems to me like the complete opposite of how the term cuckold is typically used. Sure, there are some other men who like watching their wife or girlfriend with another man for reasons that don’t have to do with it challenging their assumed ownership of her, but I don’t think cuckold is the right term for them either. There may be some element of sperm competition taking place, as well as other factors similar to the ones that I have described which are just about pure, naked enjoyment of the dynamic.

In general, I’m not that big on labels, particularly since the world of polyamory means there are almost infinite permutations of how to be in relationship with your partners. Still, some people have referred to what James and I do as cuckoldry. At times it has been meant in a judgemental and derisive way, but at other times the intention has been more neutral.

Maybe it’s because I am pretty attached to the notion that words have specific meanings, but I just don’t like that word when it’s used in relation to us. I have no issue with the word itself or with people doing whatever they want in the bedroom, for whatever reasons, as long as it’s consensual. If somebody enjoys feeling emasculated, that’s fine with me, although I’m not all that crazy about the cultural messaging that men are weak or submissive if they don’t control the woman in their life. If people want to engage in that dynamic, hey, whatever… it doesn’t really affect me.

But I do wish there was a better way to make a distinction between adultery and those who engage in extra-pair sex with other men with their partner’s knowledge and consent. I also wish there was a way to better distinguish between men who get off on being humiliated and men who actually just like seeing their partner having a great time — because those strike me as very different dynamics.

© Copyright Elle Beau 2021 Elle Beau writes on Medium about sex, life, relationships, society, anthropology, spirituality, and love. If this story is appearing anywhere other than Medium.com, it appears without my consent and has been stolen.