Cruise-Ships and Candor: A Clash Of Two Worlds

Otondo Diaries II

It’s still the month of love. Dive in, let’s talk about another variant of “love”: Cruiseships. This is another documentation of my NYSC camp experience and inspired by how much more complicated the concept of love has become in the less than three decades of my living on earth among homo sapiens.

Read the first part of the diary series here:

“Are you seriously looking for love in NYSC camp? Dey play!” (Sprinkles amused laughter here and there like confetti)

Camp was a place that afforded me the opportunity to meet eclectic young Nigerians from all parts of the country, with diverse viewpoints, perspectives, world views, and languages. It was an experience that helped me broaden, challenge, and continue to challenge my own worldview and opinions I strictly hold onto but there are some things I still find too puzzling. This is one of them.

What comes to your mind when you think about going on a cruise ship?

You’d probably reply:

Fun, relaxation, a well-needed break, a distraction that you’ve been craving but one thing that we all know and seem to agree on about going on a cruise ship/boat is its inevitable end. This end is the crux of the matter here. Once you’re aboard this ship, it is expected that you don’t aspire or hope for something that even remotely resembles forever. You’d only be setting yourself up for massive heartbreak and Burna Boy’s ‘Last Last’ on repeat.

You my dear reader are probably well acquainted with relationships, you have heard of situationship or maybe even been in one or several, but in this chaos I managed to put together out of my head into writing, I’ll be introducing you to cruise ships. There’s this opinion I hold about situationships that might change, who knows?

You’re not just the right guy/girl. People go all out and all in for the ones they truly like. They know there’s a possibility of hurt or breakfast but they brave it and take that risk.

So you’re just not the one. The one won’t have to fight tooth and nail for the effort you seek from them. I have pretty similar sentiments about cruise ships.

When people post controversial, sometimes really disturbing, borderline psychopathic opinions that take in the form of memes, and you confront them, they say, “It’s just cruise. You’re such a killjoy.”

Someone boasted about cheating on her boyfriend with his brother/father if he messes up, (messing up means, not by her human hair), you ask her,

“What the heck?”

She says it’s just a cruise. Soon, I realized that people use the word cruise as a mask to conceal what they truly want to say, do, believe, or support but are too cowardly to do all that with their full chest. “Women are trash and should be treated as such!” Abeg o, na just cruise. Oga you lie! Own your misogyny with your full chest, nobody will beat you... oh well someone just might. Cruise = just kidding! Dey play my fans!

There were two categories of young people in Orientation camp. Those who came to "catch cruise" with people’s hearts and feelings and those who genuinely thought they could look for and find love in camp. If you ask me where I pitched my tent among the two, I’ll tell you somewhere in between or more accurately, nowhere at all. The hopeless romantic in me believed but somewhere deep down, the me who has been disillusioned by the dating world we currently find ourselves in knew that the majority of the people there were cruisers only interested in cruise ships. A friend in camp wanted to set her friend up with me but changed her mind because he was looking for something temporary. In her words, “No o, my bunky is not a plaything or looking to be one.” Great looking out *Nelly!

Flashback to before camp. It was pretty late and public transportation was no longer running, so my friends and some of my coursemates were trekking under a rain shower coming back from our final year dinner, (an eventful way to end the evening if you ask me) and the following conversation ensued:

Daphne: (teasingly) Matt, you really did come for a Bachelor’s degree. You didn’t date throughout your years in school.

Matt: I know right. Omo! God dey sha.

Daphne: Who am I to even talk? (Everyone laughs) Daphne: (jokingly) since I couldn’t find in university, I think I’ll be able to find man in camp o. I’m excited.

The Girls: (as if on cue, their voices overlapping) ahhhh don’t try it o! Oo maa le roko gidi ni camp o. Camp husband is not husband o.

Daphne: Ahan, but why na? Is love not love?

Dara: (proceeds to narrate the story of her friend’s friend who saw shege at the hands of a guy she met in camp. He was already married with two kids under 3. Long story short, she fell sick when the cruise-ship came to an end.) Daphne, don’t do it o.

My coursemates’ stern warning about dating someone I met in camp is proof of how widespread the cruise mentality truly is among young people. Cheating scandal upon cheating scandal and I saw it firsthand.

I was talking about this same issue with a friend I made in camp and he told me that most of the “love birds” we see now know that what they’re doing is temporary and will end once camp is over. The majority were not looking to form deep, meaningful romantic connections/bonds. A one-week stand here, an STD transmission there, or two. A fine playboy wanting to boost his sad ego, a fine ‘set’ girl wanting to spend as much boys' money as possible. The sad thing though is that between a couple or throuple as the case may be, someone, one party has already picked out aso ebi and written out a list of cute baby names. I remarked to him how sad it was and he replied,

“They know, it’s all just cruise.”

However, this is about those who truly did not know. Those who showed up with their hearts on their sleeves. Those who thought love was love and could be found anywhere. Those willing to give Cupid as many second chances as possible even though that kid can sometimes be incompetent. My heart goes out to them. Chike’s ‘If You No Love’ is my plea to the cruisers and the general dating public. After all, we can’t keep blaming Cupid for our own mess-ups.

Glossary

Abeg o, na just cruise: Please o, I’m just kidding.

Dey play my fans: Stay delusional.

God dey sha: There is God.

Set: Physically well-endowed

Oo maa le roko gidi ni camp o: It’s impossible to find a serious relationship in NYSC camp.

shege: Hell.

aso ebi: matching clothes, in this context for a wedding.

*Actual names have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

Thanks for reading always!

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