5.1

Cries and Laughters

“Oh, shut up, just kiss me already!”

5.

Book of Memories:

I’m very sad to hear that you are leaving.

Whenever I entered your third-period class, the beauty of your mind and disposition always caught my eye. Though I can no longer see you near, I’ll be just as delighted if you let your inner beauty shine through in your life, wherever you go.

I hope you find happiness in others.

Diary:

Whatever I do, wherever I go, I’m delirious, I’ve never felt this way before. It must be love because I can’t stop thinking about her. I imagine her doing things with me. Sitting in a restaurant, smiling, looking into each other’s eyes, saying small nothings I can’t comprehend except they’re tender and sweet and kind. Feeling her softness even though there’s no physical contact, feeling her affections even though I couldn’t possibly know, even though she’d never fall for someone like me. This must be how it is when you’re in love. You imagine only the ideal, only the best outcome. They always love you back. They always reciprocate. It seems so real you’re delirious, bordering on hallucination. Either it’s love or I’m ill.

Her name is Stephanie. I’m all illusion, all disguise, and she’s just the opposite. Playful, graceful, innocent, completely genuine. It would burst her bubble if she knew this was a play. No, this isn’t a play for her, she lives in the real world while I live in a play. If only I could join her there . . .

Foolish hopes, foolish dreams, but they’re all I have. When things get unbearable at home, I withdraw to my fantasy world, my dreams. It’s a nice world where I can ignore the hostilities and pretend everything’s all right. She doesn’t know it but Stephanie’s an antidote to the poison at home.

Come on, kiss me.

Do I have to?

Yes.

Okay, but only because I have to.

No, Mister, you’re not gonna get away that easy. On the mouth!

You know you’re adorable when you’re demanding.

Oh, shut up, just kiss me already!

OK . . . that better?

Yes, much.

Anything else, Princess?

Yes, let’s dance.

Sorry, I don’t know how.

Don’t be silly, this is your dream, you can do anything.

Good point. Shall we?

Thought you’d never ask.

Try to keep up, this is a little tricky.

Think someone has a big ego.

Who? Me? Just because I’m the smartest, best-looking boy in school?

OK, maybe not.

Besides, you’re the one with a big ego.

Oh?

You expect the cutest boy to fall for you, how’s that for an ego?

You’re right.

But I forgive you, you’re kinda cute too.

Kinda?

Ouch!

“Wake up, man.”

What?

“Since you obviously know this material and don’t feel you have to pay attention, why don’t you solve this problem for us?”

“Sure.”

Nice. Daydreaming in class. How foolish I must look.

“Use this.”

“Thanks.” Easy problem . . . no big deal.

“That correct?”

“Ah . . . yes . . . very good.”

Why the stares? You’ve never seen a student fall asleep in class?

Just sit down, and pretend you’re oblivious to everything.

“Hah, you showed her.”

Shrug.

“What’d you do? Study today’s stuff in advance?”

“No, just an easy problem.”

“OK, whatever you say, but that look on her face was priceless.”

Dizzy . . .

Your lips are moving, but I hear no sound. Oh, page 168, problems 1–40 odd only.

Assigning homework already? Aren’t you supposed to explain it first? Guess it’s easy enough.

Bell. Next class. Float down the hall to the right. Sit down and try to wake up. Wake up!

It’s no use, this is a dream. Everything’s too sweet, everything’s too quiet, everything’s too blurry. But it feels nice. I could dream my life away. Yeah, leave me alone, and let me just dream my life away . . .

Close them tight.

I did.

You better not be peeking.

I’m not.

OK, you can look now . . . So?

Wow. Dazzling.

You really like it?

Yeah, that’s a lovely desk.

No, silly, the dress!

“Hey. Hey!”

“What?”

“You forgot your book.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

“You all right?”

“Sure.”

Stephanie, my dearest sorceress, what have you done? One sight of you and I become a drooling idiot. One whiff of you and I forget how to speak. One thought of you and I lose myself, drifting through life on cloud nine. What magical powers you must have.

Do you know what you’re doing? Do you know what enchantments you’re casting? Are you aware of your powers?

Release me from your spell. It’s too strong, too much. Let me go unless you mean it, unless it’s intentional . . .

Come fly with me, Steph, we can see everything from here.

OK.

That’s your home, right?

Nope.

Maybe that one.

Wrong again.

Okay, I give up.

It’s wherever you are, silly.

In the sky?

I guess so.

Let’s move it then, I’m getting dizzy.

Where to?

How about that nice couch?

Sounds good.

Can I just hold you like this forever?

Forever . . .

This is where I grew up. For a while anyway. Little houses all over this area, school on that side. And if you go that way a little, you see the big city. Tall buildings and busy streets . . . Hey, wait up!

Catch me if you can!

Light to darkness, the day giving way to the night, but sparkling brighter than ever. The vivid twinkles of the city offering a lovely canvas for our portrait, a portrait we create with our tease, our play. A doll darting, fading, leaving a trail of echoing laughters behind. Playing catch with an angel in the land of innocence. Dancing a heavenly dance of giggles and hugs, drunk with life’s infinite possibilities. Riding the exhilarating freedom into the night sky with no earthly concerns . . .

“This is a nice picture, Steph.”

“Thanks. Now let me see yours.”

“Aw, you don’t want to see mine.”

“Yes I do!”

“It’s embarrassing, I look really stupid.”

“Come on, I’ll see it in the yearbook anyway.”

“All right, but promise you won’t laugh.”

“I promise.”

“Remember that you — you promised!”

“I’m kidding! This is — “

“Yeah, I know.”

“No, no, it’s just that . . . you look so adorable!”

“OK, you don’t have to lie.”

“Can I keep this?”

“Sure.”

Little hands, tucking it away carefully like stolen treasure. Adorable little hands . . .

Gotcha!

Yes, you got me.

Shouldn’t have run so close to oncoming traffic. You had me worried.

Really? That’s so sweet.

Yeah, that’s me, sweet. Is that why you love me?

No.

Then why?

I don’t know.

Because I’m really, really smart?

No.

Because I’m incredibly talented?

No.

Because I’m devastatingly handsome?

No.

Oh, I know why you love me.

You do?

Because I know just where to tickle you . . .

A serialized coming-of-age novel about a boy who must decide whether to live or die after surviving an abusive family and the death of his love. Read in order: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 3.1, 3.2, 4.1, 4.2. Next.