If You’re Living In A Simulation, Why Not Play God?
And remember, if this is a simulation, this article is basically a part of your simulation speaking back to you.
Let’s try something new. I’m going to try & list out as many simple & daily hacks that you can try in order to develop godlike control over your own life’s situations and of those dearest to you.
But before we begin, let me start with my ‘X’ theory, which seems to be gaining promising levels of traction in my inner circle. And no, I’m not running a cult (yet).
I’ve recently also been subjected to an honest bit of solicited feedback regarding my need to avoid the bush, beating around it et al, so I’m going to use simple cues. Layman terms, not Übermensch phrases.
Let’s say your name is Kiran. It’s the most ambiguous, neutral name I could think of.
When you were young(er), let’s say you were “Kiran — A”. The circumstances of your life, let’s call that “Kiran’s Life — A”.
“Kiran A” was the sum total of the body, mind & inner thoughts that occupied you.
“Kiran’s Life A” was the sum total of everything you experienced outside your body. This includes your home, your parents, the way you were treated as a child, how you scored at school, whether you were athletically inclined or not, how puberty was / is for you, your crushes, your love life, your academic & professional achievements — all of it.
Pick another age marker, let’s say your late teens, call that “Kiran — B” and “Kiran’s Life — B”. Kiran’s Life — B had its own nuances, which made Kiran- B feel a certain way on the inside.
Let’s say you are “Kiran — N” now, and your sum total life experience, including how much money you have in the bank, how many cars you own, how your relationships are performing, your health, all of that — is “Kiran’s Life N”.
If you’re all caught up until this point, the rest will be easy to grasp.
Look into the future. See “Kiran’s Life — X”. This shouldn’t be hard once I describe that “Kiran’s Life — X” is basically everything you’re dreaming of right now. Or rather, you’re probably feeling distressed at the amount of time & hurdles you seemingly have to cross, the number of people you have to please, or the impossible things you have to do in order to get “Kiran’s Life — X”. Maybe Kiran — X drives a Jaguar. Maybe they take their vacations in Hawaii! Maybe they’ve won a booker prize. Maybe Kiran’s Life X is 105254389.31 times more exciting & complete than Kiran’s Life- N (now).
Now, we will play with cause and effect. This is one of the most interesting things to experiment with, once you’re ready to work with the hypothesis that you’re in a simulation.
If you assume this life is real, then your base causal assumptions would have you believe that Kiran — A felt the way they did because of the material external circumstances, namely Kiran’s Life — A.
Or maybe you think Kiran — X is likely to feel a certain way all the time, act a certain way all the time, because of the sum total of Kiran’s Life — X and how insanely cool that is.
It helps if you can accurately picture your own ‘X’ life and ‘X’ self, the one you want to… ahem. Typing shyness here, because I’m going to use the painstakingly casual M-word. The one that you’re trying to manifest.
It’s okay. Laugh a little on the inside, and then continue.
It’s actually way easier than it’s made out to be — the whole future visualization business. You need to do it in steps. It’s already very easy for the speculative ego to fathom theories about the worst that can happen. In any situation, your causal mind can very quickly imagine the worst possible outcomes. Maybe the ideas are a little vague, depends on how much adrenaline you permit your body to generate. Nevertheless, you get the picture. It’s easy for our normal worldly selves to imagine a bad outcome, like an accident, or a boss that’s going to shout at us, or a spouse / partner who’s going to treat us poorly.
Now ask yourself, what’s the best that can happen?
It won’t happen easily. Take your time.
Once you have that picture — exactly how many cars, exactly how much money, exactly what body fat percentage, how chiseled you want your jawline, how firm you want every part of your body to be, how you appear to the external world in that utopia, call that your ‘X’.
Now imagine how you would feel in that utopian state of X. If you had all of that right now, how would you feel? Insecure, or invincible? Threatened, or empowered? Powerless, or powerful? My guess is, your answers will always lean into the latter choices.
Once again, we play with cause & effect. Your simulated mind is telling you that the reason for you to feel & act that way would be driven by the circumstances around you. I’ve spoken to a lot of people over the years about this theory, and the answers have some commonalities.
Kiran X almost always :
- Exercises rigorously every morning
- Eats extremely healthy. Think Subway Salads for breakfast & cold-pressed juices & smoothies for dinner every day
- Is confident that they have more money than they know what to do with
- Is never worried about their finances, declining health, or anything to that effect
- Is most likely involved in a profession that never ever feels like “dredging work”
- Never feels incomplete
The answers have some variance, but mostly these traits are commonly predicted by anyone who tries to describe the general state of being for their “X” self.
My suggestion & process is going to be very simple & straightforward. Also hopefully it will present itself as a fun experiment rather than a series of dull chores.
If we are able to successfully able to convert you from the inside, from “Kiran — N” to “Kiran — X”, then my theory states that your life, your external circumstances, will have no choice (yes, as if everything was alive, your laptops & phones & favourite stars in the sky & the moon even) but to turn into “Kiran’s Life — X”.
Capisce? Now we’ll break it down into steps.
First things first. Exercise.
This is not random advice. I used to be an overweight & overindulgent compulsive eater until 2016 when this happened. Since then, I’ve never skipped a workout, never gone back to my old eating habits, in part due to a newfound addiction to body dynamics, but more so now, due to the seemingly magical powers of movement. Turns out I’m not the only one who used to skip lunch for a quick mid-workday workout. The author of No Limits — A prolific creator & tribe-builder by the name of Mukesh Bansal, actually goes as far as using the phrase “Movement is magical” in his stellar, no-bush book, which is a much better & more structured read than this article.
If you’re the type of person who’s more motivated by numbers, here are some.
I once had the unique privilege of working at a cancer-tech firm that’s changing the landscape of cancer care by making it more accessible around the world. During that time, I learnt an interesting fact — 75 minutes of rigorous daily exercise / 150 minutes of moderate daily exercise, when performed as a combination of cardiovascular (run, skip, cross-train) & strength training, is one of the best ways to stay cancer-free throughout your life. Of course, this is just one of the material benefits of regular exercise. When you turn your daily grind into a ritual of the spirit, you will inadvertently develop an instinctive understanding of spirituality. This much I can guarantee. It will not let you understand the complexities of stories put forth by religion, but regular rhythmic movement repeated over a circadian pattern seems to break the monotony of selfish existence to a point where it almost guarantees a change of pace in the way your life works.
Learn yoga. Start running. Buy a skipping rope. Invest your time & money in Hula Hoops. Signup for every sport that your “X” version would signup for. These are all things you can control now. It’s proverbially the lowest hanging fruit, everything else I’m about to suggest is ten times harder. Start with a daily exercise habit.
Control what you eat. Go nuts. Go tasteless.
Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi created magic with his hunger strikes. When I was trying to lose weight via Kris Gethin’s method, most of my friends who were around me were very scared that I was going to starve myself to death. I wasn’t literally starving. I stopped consuming any form of carbohydrates other than rolled oatmeal blended with honey into a pasty, tasteless smoothie. It was hard at first, but I was lucky enough to be sufficiently motivated at the time. I lived on encapsulated multivitamins, my smoothies, activated charcoal lemonade, fresh salads without dressing — the works. I stopped eating anything that my taste buds found remotely appealing. And that was the early days. To be honest, these days I just go back to the drawing board sometimes if my plans aren’t working out in any aspect of my life and just blindly stop eating tasty food and go back to that crazy restrictive diet.
One very simple reason. If this is indeed a simulation — then there is a sense of mathematical equilibrium that must govern all causes & all effects like Newton’s third law. It would be impossible to map out every possible circumstance when programming / designing / divining a simulation for every individual name / place / animal / thing, hence all life must be tied to the concept of response to stimuli (interestingly, also the same base theory which Jagadish Chandra Bose posited in order to propose that plants were alive).
In whatever form your senses draw pleasure, if you withdraw from the most basic desires, you will create a vacuum that once again has no choice, but to be filled with something much bigger, to restore your inner balance.
Which brings us to the next subject. If the topic of sex bothers you, stop reading, it’s okay.
Sexual Restraint
I’ve written too much about my adolescent sex life in the public domain already, so let’s skip to the part where, for a change, I explain the benefits of sexual restraint.
There are many forms in which sexual restraint has been practiced in ancient times, beginning with straight-up celibacy (papal abstinence), to coitus interruptus, and the more postmodern version of tantrik, or non-ejaculatory orgasms. I assure you, if you run enough Google queries on the subject, you’ll find your way there too. But yes, there’s too many hours of pressing your perineum involved, breathwork is necessary, it’s just bonkers for men.
Celibacy is just plain easy. Let’s be clear. I’m not saying “Kiran — X” does not get laid. I’m just saying, it’s easier for you to make the jump if you’re conserving sexual energy, which fulfils the same equilibrium laws I’ve explained above.
Thought Control
Staying centred is an important hack out of chaos.
Right now, you’re reading this because there is some sense of unresolved flux / inexplicable chaos that bothers you. But by bothering you, it is mixing with the energy that really creates events in this world. In other words, your fears are turning true all the time around you.
It therefore makes sense to be objectively fearless.
Don’t go jumping off buildings believing you can fly — I am seriously not suggesting that. Gravity is real. But so is the power of you being able to convince yourself that you’re in the right place at the right time all the time.
The practice of thought control is easy to achieve if you can just sit quietly for 15 to 30 minutes a day in a comfortable place in an isolated space such as your private bedroom, doing absolutely nothing and thinking of absolutely nothing. This is not meditation. This is voluntary boredom. Keep your phone aside. Don’t go online. Don’t think about good things or bad things. Don’t chant a mantra. Allow your mind to be completely bored. Have fun with the boredom.
Fall in the love with the minutes, seconds & nanoseconds passing by.
Fall in love with passing time.
I assure you that time will start falling back in love with you.
This step is also a good key towards developing infinite patience, which in the long scheme of things, is a pretty neat characteristic / weapon to possess.
S.M.I.L.E like a supervillain
Well hello, Lola!
The simulation has been dropping hints for you all over the place. Smiling is a serious superpower. Starting from Boman Irani’s famous portrayal of “Dr Asthana” who counters anger with laughter to Heath Ledger’s “Joker”, it’s like seriously, out there. It’s hardly a secret.
If you suddenly get laid off, Smile. Bank account got defrauded?Smile. Things not going to plan with your secret / not so secret crush? Smile. Parents / Teachers / Bosses giving you a hard time? Smile. Feeling bad about anything, ever? Smile.
चित्रहार में बिजली उड़ गयी ? टेक इट easy policy.
There are muscles & nerve endings that do the rest for you. Quote me on this. When caught up in a bad space, when troubled with a really bad situation around you, the last thing your ego instructs your body to do is to smile. So if you do the opposite — opposite of that, and just smile as if it was a miracle cure, it will change the way your situation is progressing. Not a nervous giggle, but actual confident laughter. Smile as if your “X” life depended on it.
Smile the way you have always seen supervillains smile in the simulation’s theater of “movies”.
Let’s sum it up.
It’s almost 3 AM where I am, so let’s act quickly and take notes.
- 20 minutes of daily boredom (excitement control)
- 2 hours of daily exercise (laziness control)
- 24 hours of healthy nutrition (taste indulgence control)
- 24 hours of sexual restraint (orgasm control)
- 24 hours of smiling (negative energy control)
- 8 hours of sleep (fatigue control*)
If you do this with a certain amount of devotion, you will find complete control over situations in your life with so much ease, you will get bored of everything else around you. You will have no choice but to seek & pursue your true purpose. You (in your glorious individuality), like other things, like me & like this article, are a part of this simulation, and it is completely up to you to tell yourself the best story that you can.
*There are people who have tried sleeplessness (forced insomnia) as a step. It gives very fast results, it’s like crash dieting. But it often leads to irreversible clinical insanity. I do not recommend that step in good consicence.
Oh well. Before I forget. You are god.
This article is dedicated to Vedic Choubey, who sometime in the year 2020 asked me, “Okay, Shawm, if you were to believe this is a simulation, what are some good things to do that day?”, Niharikaa Kaur Sodhi who seems to be doing all of those things, and my friend Dirk Gently.
Aum.
