MAD MEDIUM DISEASE
Cow Tipping and Writer Tipping
Same or different?
If you let this play while reading you’ll get all the good tips you need to cow tip.
And, as it turns out, you’ll also get all the good tips you need to tip a writer on this platform.
In case you’ve been operating in a sane part of the universe, Medium has recently started a new program to bait readers into tipping writers. The program also serves to give writers new — and likely vain — hope that their earnings will rise.
Since no one has ever received a tip on Medium, this “earnings boner” is unlikely to occur.
My urge to compare “writer tipping” to a cow pie, since both fall flat, is nearly overwhelming.
Full Disclosure: I signed up for the tipping program but indicated that my nonexistent “tips” should go to support a worthy cause. I’m holy like that.
Now, on to the tipping.
The YouTube video above outlines seven key cow tipping steps that are easily adaptable to writer tipping.
Let the vid play while you read and you’ll see. (I think I said this already, but whatever. Edit! Schmedit!)
1️⃣ Choose the right writer
Anyone with an ounce of talent or self respect will not be into your shenanigans, so choose wisely. Any popular writer won’t even notice your ham-handed attempts to suck up by tipping.
Someone like me, lacking talent, self respect and popularity, is the perfect target for your writer tipping ventures.
2️⃣ Pick the right “entry point” and escape route
I don’t know what kind of “tip” you had in mind, but when you begin thinking “entry point” I start to sweat.
Whatever escape route you choose is fine with me. I’ll even help you get TF outta my space.
3️⃣ Do it after dark and wear boots that can be hosed off
Natch. What are you, some kinda ignorant cow-tippin’ hillbilly?
4️⃣ Weave your way through the scads of money-grubbing writers to an isolated, pure-as-the-driven-snow soul, like me.
Then get ready to tip like a motherfucker.
5️⃣ Don’t try to tip a bull
Yeah, this guy has no sense of humor.
Or, as is said in the video:
If the writer is good Stay outta his ‘hood If instead, he sucks moose Drop him like a deuce
6️⃣ Sneak up and push
I’ve never tipped anyone so I don’t know how the system works, but if it’s like clapping, then just hold the little button down until a shit ton of cash gets deposited into the writer’s tip jar.
7️⃣ Run!
Anyone with a shred of decency would.
Happy read, writing … and tipping.