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Abstract

ice was more vacant than a Buddha’s fat, wry smile</p><p id="ca2e">you see, they were a corporation of sorts, and they needed to make you into a team player</p><p id="581d">they lay you on the assembly belt — cut your wings, tied your beak shut, bound your feet</p><p id="7f01">every peep of protest was met with the reply —</p><p id="9a6d"><i>do you want to get paid or not? Well then, suck it up, newbie!</i></p><p id="a3d5">they could see they had some work to do with you — doubt is bad for sales sarcasm kills team morale — <i>give us smiles give us laughter, even if it’s fake or canned. we don’t want your real self — this isn’t kindergarten.</i></p><p id="9917">the unmistakable subtext shouting in between the lines of the week long induction belted out its mission statement like a demonic aria —</p><p id="69d3"><i>selling our product involves a mix of tenacity and deceit. your mask should become second nature to you —</i></p><p id="b303"><i>when we finish the operation, you should no longer be able to know what your real feelings and opinions are.</i></p><p id="9899"><i>your childhood will be a blur, real laughter will be a memory more vague than the smell and sound of the distant sea —</i></p><p id="0ad1"><i>your transformation will be complete — compressed, canned, stuffed, masked, depressed —</i></p><p id="5245"><i>one of us,</i> <i>a real, genuine team player.</i></p><figure id="fc31"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*27XLUx1AJEL_dOjUw0skLw.jpeg"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@wonderlane?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_

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source=unsplash">Wonderlane</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/high-rise-building-9rBujSNF9Qg?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="5be6"><b>© Carlo Zeno 2024</b></p><p id="cc33">_____________________</p><p id="2371">Thanks for reading, and thank you to the supportive team at <a href="https://medium.com/scuzzbucket">Scuzzbucket</a>. Here are two workplace related pieces I wrote some months ago 🙏</p><div id="bfe6" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/an-honest-job-application-af8b389c942c"> <div> <div> <h2>An Honest Job Application</h2> <div><h3>Hitting send as we speak</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*WkilHl-QEx2kNwcAQyOY2A.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="e922" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-to-be-authentic-at-work-socials-8977edbbfb1"> <div> <div> <h2>How To Be Authentic At Work Socials</h2> <div><h3>A guide for introverts</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*BfNCklCehYAaOj2OUv7n9Q.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

TRANSFORMATION TEAM

Corporate Lobotomy

First, they took your voice

you didn’t ask many questions during the interview

you were on your best behavior, angling for the job

shut up, smile, talk about your strengths, skirt around your weaknesses

your circus act did the trick, which, in a funny way, half terrified you

you showed up in the operating room for your first week of training

they went in with a small knife —

first, an innocent strand of hair, to gain your trust, imitating laughter, simulating normality, a light touch — all part of the onboarding process

but then they went for your vocal chords, your distinct voice, that thing inside you that says

YES

even going so far as surgically removing certain words from your vocabulary

you didn’t recall seeing this in the terms and conditions of the contract, but a paycheck was a paycheck, and the HR office was more vacant than a Buddha’s fat, wry smile

you see, they were a corporation of sorts, and they needed to make you into a team player

they lay you on the assembly belt — cut your wings, tied your beak shut, bound your feet

every peep of protest was met with the reply —

do you want to get paid or not? Well then, suck it up, newbie!

they could see they had some work to do with you — doubt is bad for sales sarcasm kills team morale — give us smiles give us laughter, even if it’s fake or canned. we don’t want your real self — this isn’t kindergarten.

the unmistakable subtext shouting in between the lines of the week long induction belted out its mission statement like a demonic aria —

selling our product involves a mix of tenacity and deceit. your mask should become second nature to you —

when we finish the operation, you should no longer be able to know what your real feelings and opinions are.

your childhood will be a blur, real laughter will be a memory more vague than the smell and sound of the distant sea —

your transformation will be complete — compressed, canned, stuffed, masked, depressed —

one of us, a real, genuine team player.

_____________________

Thanks for reading, and thank you to the supportive team at Scuzzbucket. Here are two workplace related pieces I wrote some months ago 🙏