Coronagamy

When non-monogamists are forced into monogamy by a virus

We have not had sex with anyone but each other in weeks now!

I’m not complaining (much), but this is an aspect of our current social distancing which I haven’t seen written about much in the endless online COVID-19 content deluge.

Let’s talk about this. What are those of us who enjoy sexual and even romantic relationships with multiple people supposed to do now?

Frankly, I don’t pay any attention to all the helpful pieces about how to maximize my productivity during our global pandemic nor am I even slightly interested in someone else’s ideas of fun things to do, interesting shows on Netflix or books I need to catch up on during our enforced downtime. I have my own lists of books, movies, and fun things to do these days (but thanks).

That includes sex. Lots and lots of sex.

Having met my current partner ten years ago at a queer underwear party in Brooklyn (two rules: strip to your skivvies and no heteros, please), it was understood from the start that we were not going to settle down and be a nice monogamous couple.

A lovely feature of non-monogamy is that everyone gets to decide for themselves how that looks and works. AleXander came from years of polyamorous relationships while I was your basic, everyday fuck-who-I-please slut. One of the most profound aspects of building relationships within non-monogamous and polyamorous paradigms is the absolute necessity of in-depth, honest communication. This often leads to bumps especially in the early stages of relationships. We’ve had our bumps. Everyone does.

Our agreement is that, as bi/pansexuals who love sex, AleXander can have at it with men and I can roll around with women as we please observing safe sex practices. Should either of us meet someone of the opposite sex (assigned or decided) who gets us going, then we explore opportunities for threesomes or moresomes. And, although it hasn’t arisen, we would also discuss the possibilities of one on one with the opposite sex if that was the best option.

Sin in 21st Century NYC

Contrary to popular belief, New York City isn’t exactly a hotbed of illicit sexual opportunities. The party we met at, SPAM, ran for nearly fourteen years before folding and Le Trapeze, the (expensive) swingers club down on East 27th Street, closed down around that time as well.

There are private sex parties and some can be quite fun. We went to one not long ago, but well before our current plague, at a hotel room in midtown and had a lovely romp.

A number of the private parties, however, are geared toward a younger crowd and some even require full-body photos before they’ll send their location to prospective attendees — not for us. We’ve done our due diligence, however, and often enough have found ourselves sidelined while the youngsters had at it (and good for them; they’re fun to watch anyway).

After the AIDS crisis decimated the gay sex landscape of the city, two clubs remained, one on the west side and the other on the east side. These are, I should add, clubs for men to gather and have sex.

While I was a card-carrying member of the Lesbian Sex Mafia years ago, I eventually let my membership lapse after realizing I’d need to pretend not to be bisexual at play parties. Over time, I went to fewer and fewer women’s sex parties partially because of that reason and quite honestly, menopause has done a number on my libido.

Curiously, while I’m not the animal I used to be sexually, I still really love sex and being non-monogamous with my partner. It excites me to think about what’s going on when he’s out with one of his play partners. My opportunities to roll around with women may be more limited, but that’s been the case for years and thanks to my cooled jets there is no sense of deprivation. Have a blast, baby!

It’s not as if I’m sitting home reading my Book of Common Prayer and watching the clock (use your imagination).

Sexual Distancing for Pandemics

But here we are, all monogamous and making the best of it.

It helps that we each find the other to be just about the sexiest person we ever met. Another plus is that, over our decade together, we have built up an impressive repertoire of ways to play. There are numerous body parts that can be pleasured in numerous ways. While AleXander may usually prefer bottoming to other men, he’s very versatile in our play so we take turns topping.

Keep in mind that it’s only been about three weeks since we realized our pleasures were about to be limited to what we could come up with all on our own. But I think we’re doing pretty well.

In the “old days”, Saturday night was usually set aside for Monkey Sex, our name for numerous hours of dedicated tearing it up with fancy dress-up and often a yummy session of either pegging or other perversions. I still have the best toys from my days in the biz and AleXander brought some fun stuff when he moved in. We’ve also been known to drop wayyyy too much money for just the right toy at The Pleasure Chest (not an affiliate link).

Now we can have Monkey Sex any time we feel like it (that first week was SMOKIN’!).

It’s looking like New York City is going to be closed for business for some time to come no matter what the reality television star in DC is trying to say, so we’ve developed a casual schedule for our pleasures. Generally every third or fourth night we have a Big Night with all the bells and whistles. Other nights there are still fun, little romps we enjoy and about once a week we snuggle in for a little recreational fellatio and sleep. Such are the ways of these two senior citizens with diminished libidos.

Several of AleXander’s play partners have been in touch via email and text, letting him know what their situations are like and checking on his. This bodes well for resuming relations after we’re released back into the world. We also had a good enough time at that party in midtown that I’m ready to check that out again.

And who knows, I could still find a play partner of my own (sure, yes, that’s an invitation). I’m 62, not dead.

For now, we’re coming up with a variety of fun things to do together and having a great time but we’ll be glad when we can return to our perverted ways with others.

Turn off that TV and — go play!

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