Congress Passes Bill Authorizing $10 Billion To Build Wall Around Trump

Congress announces funding allocation to wall off President Trump

Today Congress passed an emergency bill that authorizes 10 billion dollars to be allocated for the building of a wall around President Donald Trump. The bill came as a surprise to many who have faulted the government with failing to follow through on their promises to reign in the president, which has resulted in countrywide protests. The money will supplement the $2.3 billion that has already been raised by the American people through a Gofundme fundraiser.

“We were left with little choice,” one congressman said. “He’s managed to get around us and any possible disciplinary action that would reduce his abuse of power. When he announced he would be gutting the checks and balances system, we knew it was just a matter of time before he eliminated the judicial and legislative branches all together. He’s already gotten rid of presidential term limits and impeachment proceedings, claiming he is president for life. Other countries have expressed concern that he might try to take over the rest of the world as well.”

There has been widespread criticism of the president’s policies which have largely consisted of him doing whatever he wants, however he wants, whenever he wants. The IwantitandIwantitnow policy, (abbreviated Iwant) has also created numerous problems with other nations. The policy was blamed for derailing talks with England’s Queen Elizabeth about the possibility of the U.S. becoming part of Great Britain again earlier this year.

“Unless there is an agreement that President Trump would not be allowed to remain in the country, we cannot move forward,” said a spokesperson for the Queen. Talks were broken off after it was determined that no other country in the world would be willing to take the U.S. President in. Once this was announced, many people from the U.S. fled to other countries.

“We need to do something now or there will be no one left in the nation we worked so hard to establish,” said the leader of the National Segregation Movement. The movement sprung up suddenly forming a coalition whose purpose is to secede from the U.S. and in order to set up a new country that is run by someone other than Donald Trump.

To date, more than 20 million U.S. citizens have immigrated to Canada, more than five million have gone to Europe and 10 million have fled across our southern border. In an ironic twist, the Mexican government has built a wall in an effort to prevent more immigrants from the U.S. illegally crossing their border.

“We do not have the resources to support all these immigrants and we will no longer allow them to cross into our country,” said Mexican President Lopez Obrador. “We regret that we must now close our borders to prevent further influx. We appeal to other nations to adopt some of these poor souls who are fleeing the rule of a tyrant.”

President Obrador has further suggested that Trump himself pay for the wall from his personal funds. The countries in Central and South American have joined Mexico’s effort to prevent further immigration from the U.S.

“We understand that these Americans attempting to immigrate to Mexico and Central and South America are legitimately seeking asylum as they flee from a dangerous political system,” said Belize Prime Minister Dean Barrow. “We are not without compassion and we will allow those already in our country to remain.”

Mexico and the other Central and South American countries have likewise stated they will allow those who have already crossed their borders to remain in the country as they take the steps to become legalized citizens.

President Trump has responded to the number of Americans flooding into other countries with a seeming lack of concern. “Let them run. It just means more land for the rest of us. And I will still rule them from afar as a King rules his subjects in colonies abroad.”

Though many have attempted to explain the difference between a colony that is still under the rule of its sovereign nation and immigrants who become citizens of another country, Trump has turned a deaf ear. This has contributed to the fear that he will attempt to take over other countries in an effort to continue to control former Americans who have become legal citizens of foreign nations.

The reference made to a King instead of a president has resulted in much consternation in Congress, the U.S. and the rest of the world.

“Obviously, the reference made to a King when the President was speaking about himself is alarming. Our founding fathers established a government that was intended to be democratic. They purposely rejected the idea of a monarchy. The president threatens the very basis of our nation and any attempt to establish himself as a monarch would absolutely contradict the Constitution,” said one U.S. Senator.

While the design for the wall to be built around the president has not yet been decided upon, the Capital Architect has said that it will be a complete enclosure that is 100 percent soundproof. In addition to safeguarding the country, it is also anticipated that the enclosure will result in a significant reduction in hot air, which will slow global warming.

It is currently unclear how the wall will actually be built since the President, is unlikely to sit still for this effort. Some have suggested waiting until he’s asleep to build it, but due to his paranoia he is known to sleep with one both open so no one can surprise him.

Other possible solutions have included shooting the president with a tranquilizer gun, luring him inside by disguising the enclosure as a Realty Office specializing in buying Nordic countries, and bribing President Putin to tell the president that he wishes to meet him there to discuss establishing a new golf course in Moscow.

According to a government official, once the President has been walled in, the Congress with the help of the courts, hopes to to re-establish an effective government in accordance with the Constitution, restoring all rights and privileges that have been stripped from the American people.

“We may allow him to remain President for the duration of his term as long as someone else actually leads the country, if he behaves himself. We will decide whether it is in the best interests of the country to allow him to leave the walled enclosure at the end of this time,” said the official.

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