Compliments That Resonate: Five Unforgettable Ways To Appreciate Someone

Not all compliments are created equal

We all know compliments are great. Who doesn’t love feeling appreciated? But it’s funny how some compliments stay with us forever while others fade quickly from memory.

There’s a reason you think back on certain comments and get the warm fuzzies all over again. Some people are Compliment Ninjas (CN) — they strike when least expected and effortlessly get you in your feels.

I’ve studied the ways of the secretive CNs and figured out a few strategies for us common folk to leverage their power. Enjoy.

Make people feel seen

Think about the most memorable compliments you’ve received. What do they have in common?

Chances are they reflect something specific about you. They send the message: ‘I know you, and I dig you.’

It’s nice to be told “you’re awesome,” or “you did great,” — but specifics mean a lot more.

Years ago, as I was leaving a job, everyone in the company signed a goodbye card. Two comments stood out:

“Who’s going to tell us about the good lunch places now?!?”

“We will miss you and your funky shoes.”

These are both fun and facetious but also reflect specific aspects of my personality.

• I’m a foodie who loves to suss out the “lunchpportunities” near work.
• I like cool shoes

They aren’t the deepest reasons to miss someone, but I remember these comments years later because they showed appreciation for more eclectic aspects of my character.

It’s rare to truly feel seen, but a compliment about someone’s unique quirks can do just that.

Tell them they’re worth your time

Because of how I was raised, I’ve always worried about being a burden to others. As part of this, I tend not to share my problems or ask for help. I don’t want others to be inconvenienced.

I know many people struggle with this.

Maybe that’s why people telling me they want to be there for me has always been especially touching. Two compliments I remember well are:

“You can call me collect from Costa Rica at 4:00 in the morning. Whenever you need.”

“You have American Express Front of the Line access to me at all times.”

My eyes are spilling as I write this because those compliments still mean so much. That’s someone telling you they love you, and that you’re never a burden to them.

That’s therapy right there.

Appreciate their expressions of love

You’re likely familiar with Gary Chapman’s Love Languages books. He maintains that we all give love and feel loved in different ways, including:

• Physical touch
• Quality time
• Words of affirmation
• Acts of service
• Receiving gifts

My primary love language is quality time, but I also like to express love with gifts. I know that’s a little controversial because we’re not as into physical objects these days. I’ve taken to gifting friends with experiences instead of things.

With my family, though, I still give gifts at Christmas. If you’re not into that, cool, but I really enjoy finding the right, unique gift for people.

That’s why I appreciated it so much when a family member said to me: “You could get a job as a personal gift shopper. The client could tell you something about the recipient and you’d find the exact right thing.”

The reason it’s so touching is that it acknowledges the love I put into finding the right gifts. I appreciate someone noticing that effort.

Think about the compliments that go with love languages:

You give the best hugs

You always know the right thing to say

I appreciate that you help me out with no expectations

They all mean a lot because they make the recipient feel appreciated for something they do from the heart.

Compliment the thing they’re less well known for

One of my university roommates was the most naturally beautiful human I’ve ever met. She never stopped hearing about it, either. Men practically wrote sonnets about her.

Unfortunately, women often saw her as a threat, which didn’t really reflect who she was.

So whenever we went to a party, she’d spend the first few hours hanging out exclusively with women. Only after that would she talk to the guys who were eagerly waiting for a turn.

Noticing this, I told her:

You’re so considerate of others. I’m lucky to have you.

She’d dismiss any compliment about her looks, but her eyes welled up when I said that. She had few female friends because she happened to have won the genetic lottery. Most people never got past the exterior to her kind heart.

Of course, it also works the other way. Another friend who is very personable once complained: “I’m tired of everyone telling me how great I am! How about telling me I’m hot!”

If someone is always appreciated for one trait, be the person who appreciates their other qualities.

Compliment their prowess

One of the compliments I always hold dear is when I’m told:

That means a lot coming from you.

I usually hear that when I tell someone their output was smart and strategic. While they’re really saying thank you, what I hear is: “I have respect for your opinion.”

Whatever it is that person excels in, when they compliment you for that same attribute, let them know how much you respect them. I guarantee they’ll feel honored.

What’s your favorite compliment you’ve ever received?

I don’t have a big finish here, but I’d love you to share your favorite compliment in the comments. It’s kind of a big deal, your favorite compliment. I think it says a lot about you, and also about the giver.

This post is in response to Compliment Ninja Ali Hall’s writing prompts for her publication Spread The Ripple. Thanks, Ali, for the inspiration!

Thanks for reading. If you enjoy this, you may appreciate my other post on kindness — and what not to say.

Come and write with us at Spread the Ripple.

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