Communication that Connects Us

Summary

The article discusses the importance of effective communication, drawing parallels with engineering principles, and emphasizes the transformative power of deep listening and sharing personal truths.

Abstract

The author, an engineer, reflects on the parallels between engineering communication principles and human interaction, highlighting the importance of active listening and understanding. They share a personal experience from a webinar on women's empowerment, where a breakout session led to profound self-reflection and connection with strangers. The key takeaway is that communication that involves genuine sharing and attentive listening can lead to personal growth and stronger connections. The author emphasizes the value of seeking and accepting personal truths and the impact of such communication on improving both personal and professional lives.

Opinions

The author believes that miscommunication is a significant source of fatigue and inefficiency in professional settings.
They advocate for the practice of not immediately responding in conversations, allowing time to process and understand what others have said.
The author values the power of vulnerability and openness in communication, as evidenced by the impact of the webinar experience.
They suggest that personal stories can serve as powerful tools for self-reflection and growth when shared and received with genuine intent.
The author appreciates the existence of spaces where individuals can be their authentic selves and be heard, fostering trust and openness.
They encourage readers to engage in deeper communication and to support writers by becoming Medium members, indicating a belief in the value of shared experiences and stories.

It will change us for the better

In engineering —and in my own version, communication is a process of transmitting any form of information from the sender to the receiver. The receiver has its own processing methodology to interpret the information it receives. Then, the receiver sends the ‘acknowledgment’ status back to the sender, whether the information is understood (or valid) or the information is corrupted (or invalid). The sender and receiver have to be connected. They are supposed to use the same protocol and data format.

As an engineer who knows this process by heart, I am puzzled by how we could not have this as a default in human communication. From the qualitative data I’ve got from my journal, the main reason I felt tired after working hours was a miscommunication or long discussion with no results.

One thing I wish I had learned much earlier is not to actively talk in the communication I am having. When I feel the urge to talk and interrupt the other from talking, my brain is so busy focusing on my ideas and structuring the sentences to be said. When I focus on listening to others, there must be a gap — some seconds, before I can respond to what they said. It is the time to process and understand what the others said and how I can correlate with the sentence I am about to say.

Just some time ago — the beginning of the pandemic, I joined a webinar and got the communication experience that fits the engineering definition. When that happens, it is a transcending moment.

The webinar was about women’s empowerment. The speaker was an outstanding and notable lady. The topic focused on identifying things that hold us back in personal and professional life. After some minutes of introduction, we were separated into a breakout session in a group of four. I had never done it before and was quite worried about how the discussion in a small group would be. The speaker provided some questions to be discussed in a group session.

The first question was what was holding us back. I said to myself, man, how to express the truth to people I don’t know. I saw three other ladies smiling at me through the Zoom window. We started with a short introduction of each of us: our names and where we live. I let the others start sharing their answers. I need a reference for how honest I need to be.

When they started revealing their holdbacks, I kept my jaw from dropping. Those extraordinary ladies look beautiful, look confident, and have great careers. And each of them bears a trauma and presents difficulties. They were brutally open but calm and charismatic, telling their stories.

It was my turn after a while. I thought, damn, I haven’t prepared anything. I remember this is what I said, “Honestly, I have a decent life. I am in my early 30s, work as a pretty good engineer, and just finished my MBA. I am financially independent. Just because I am single, I feel something missing. Something is wrong with me. I just think that I can do better in my life. I want to have more, but I feel guilty even to think about that.”

I thought someone would reply with a mainstream answer, don’t worry, my dear, you have to be confident with yourself. Don’t let others define your success.

A lady smiled at me and said, “I was in my marriage for 13 years. I had the definition of a happy and successful life to keep the marriage alive for our child’s sake. But I was unhappy every single day. The hardest part was figuring out my life definition. It takes time to seek the truth and accept it. Then it takes time to take action to go towards it. I decided to get a divorce and raise my child as a single mom, and now I feel the joy every day. “

I nodded and smiled — and tried to hold my tears. The breakout session was over, and we went back to the main presentation room. It was a 90 minutes session with more discussion. Only her story was fully engraved in my memory.

After the webinar that evening, I tried to write down as much as words I could remember from that lady’s stories in my journal. It takes time to seek the truth and accept it.

What is my truth, I asked myself. I know more about society’s talks than my own truth. It got messy where I could not distinguish which ones were mine and which ones were theirs. What she said has become my primary self-reflection material during the lockdown (there will be another article for me to share this).

It was another level of communication. I shared my thought, and she listened. She processed it, got its essence, and recalled her experience with the value that might fit my case. I took it and used it as a reference to do the self-reflection.

I am still amazed that there were strangers who could connect with me instantly with trust and openness. What a beautiful world we live in — to have communities or events where people could be their most original version and be heard. From this experience, I learned that communication would connect us if we prepare ourselves to immerse ourselves in the topic and try to use the same language. Communication that connects us and will change us for the better.

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