Common Ways That Kill Your Spirit

And how to restore self-love and happiness

There are some common things that humans do to improve life that simply don’t help in reality. Here is how to realise a chosen track is not even close to making you happy — and how to get back to being yourself.

Putting Other Peoples’ Values or Opinions Above Your Own

All kinds of people do this because they feel pressurised for one reason or another, either by relatives, partners or religion. However, no matter how well meaning people are, they cannot know what is better for you personally than you can.

If you live out someone else’s values in order to please them (or think they will love you more — which they won’t), or impress society at large, you can end up somewhere you seriously don’t want to be and may not be able to find a way out of the situation for years. Unfortunately, this scenario isn’t rare.

Personal Implications

You will feel fake (because you are) and weakness/shame (because deep down you know when you have lost self-respect) and may end up having mental health problems. You may eventually lose any real spark of life interest you once had, all because you didn’t honor, value or love your truth in the first place — and now can’t recognize yourself.

I personally knew someone who did all of the above and then suddenly died at a relatively young age, so I would not like to see this happen to other people. Life is hard enough without this tragic overlay.

‘Those who lack the courage will aways find a philosophy to justify it’ —(Albert Camus)

If you choose to live at the mercy of someone else’s thoughts, opinions or validation, I can guarantee you won’t find any real peace in that way of living, but can look forward to heaps of misery, anxiety and low energy levels.

Who You Are — Really

Only you can know yourself in intricate detail and you need to have the courage of your convictions so you can, at the very least, try for what you think holds meaning for you. Once you do this and become your own person, your self-respect and confidence will grow, as your energy comes from within.

‘Don’t compromise yourself. You’re all you’ve got’ — (Janis Joplin)

If you feel you don’t know who you are or what you really want, you are not alone and this isn’t a problem unless you think it is.

However, if you would like more clarity, this is something you can work on by becoming curious about yourself and things that ‘light you up’, and it doesn’t matter what age you are. Some people never understand themselves or what they want in life, but they are always a work in progress — like everyone else.

Interference In Life

It is nobody else’s job to decide for you how your life should be, (even if they are the most confident, influential person you know), especially when you are a fully functioning adult.

Your mistakes in life are for you alone to make, independent of anyone trying to control, divert or protect you from oncoming pain or suffering, which is all part of a rich and natural life experience.

‘Don’t let schooling interfere with your education’ —( Mark Twain)

When we let other people control our lives, it does not help us and in fact hinders our personal growth and confidence. You only have to look at fully functioning adults that rely on someone else constantly for direction, acceptance, etc., to see how incompetent they become at thinking and caring for themselves independently.

‘Control your own destiny or someone else will’ — (Jack Welch)

It is not kind, helpful or healthy when you allow someone to overstep the mark in your adult life. If someone really respects you, they will not stop respecting you just because you have your own mind.

Once you understand this and the fine line between people helping and interfering, you can start making positive changes that help you thrive in your own way, in your own time.

Being among pessimists, closed minds or people with no vision

These people are everywhere — or at least in my experience. The best thing you can do, if you only know people like this, is to limit your time with them and to consciously decide that you won’t take anything they say personally or seriously as they simply aren’t on a positive or helpful wavelength.

‘All bad behavior is really just a request for love, attention or validation’ — (Kimberly Giles)

If you often indulge in negative company, it’s likely you will feel tired, bored and miserable and that you are never going to learn anything from being with these people, so not a good use of time.

There is also a danger that if you are exposed to only negative people for a long time, you can end up believing all people are like this.

‘Pessimism never won any battle’ — (Dwight D. Eisenhower)

It’s better and more enjoyable to be alone and creative in your own company than to be with people that bring you down or don’t see the value in you.

Seek Human Inspiration

I first had proof that there are inspiring and helpful people in the world when I started volunteering. This had a hugely beneficial impact on my belief about how different people are.

However, most people need proof of this or they won’t believe these special souls exist, but I managed to find some, so I know they are out there for others too.

‘The most important thing is to try and inspire people so that they can be great in whatever they want to do’ — (Kobe Bryant)

Wherever possible, try to seek out positive people and groups, or listen to uplifting podcasts or talk videos of people with interests and values like your own. You will be amazed at your increase in energy and how much better you feel about everything — in good company.

Thanks for reading!

© America Zed. Other writing by America Zed.