Comments That Cut Deep
Remember there is a human behind the story.
I write under a pen name primarily to protect myself from my angry, abusive ex-husband who considers me his property. This decision allows me to write freely in the hope that my story will help others living in what feel like, hopeless situations.
It also protects my privacy as a reasonably well-known professional in my local community.
However, a pen-name doesn’t protect you from ignorant or cruel comments made in response to your writing.
It’s still your story and it’s still your pain.
First time for me
I have been reading on Medium for a couple of years and writing for a few months. There is great potential in personal testimony. Therapists can be extremely helpful when you are dealing with trauma, and books written by experts can provide insight, but there is something very powerful in reading your story in the life of another woman.
The encouragement I gained from reading the stories of other abuse survivors on Medium is what motivated me to start telling my own.
Last week I published my most personal piece to date. It explains how my ex-husband is using our disabled child as an instrument of control, and the heartbreaking steps I have had to take to protect myself from a complete breakdown.
It was difficult yet cathartic to write.
The response was generally encouraging and I’m glad I wrote it. However, I’ve had my first encounter with judgment and finger-pointing as a result.
Victim blaming is alive and well.
I was foolish to have a child with such a man, to not recognize that he had bad genetics, that I have done a disservice to society by breeding with such an anus.
Of course, I made mistakes. That’s one reason I write, someone else might avoid them.
This is why we need to tell our stories. Because trial by gender is not the only thing that is rampant. So is ignorance, victim-blaming and judgment.
It takes courage to tell your story.
There is pain coming out of those fingers.
There is a person behind the story you are reading.