Prioritizing Mental Health

Coming Back from Burnout

4 un-sexy self-care strategies for the over-overwhelmed

I hear it all the time. The question: Are you feeling burnt out? The answer: Obviously. The answer to the answer: You need to practice more self-care. To which I have literally said: What does that even mean?

I’m in the process of coming out of an episode of burnout. I say episode because this is not my first time. There is a part of my mind that lives there and gets very homesick when I’m away for too long.

Like a moth to a flame, this part of my brain doesn’t feel right — doesn’t feel safe — unless I am over-overwhelmed.

This last burnout was really, really bad. One of the worst I’ve experienced.

I push myself too hard. I strive to be “normal” and that causes me to force myself to “handle” situations and scenarios that are oppositional to my very being. I push myself to be more, to do more, because I think:

If everyone else is doing this, then I should be able to, too.

There are a lot of issues with this statement and the reasoning behind it. I am learning to oppose the word “should” at all times. But that’s not what I’m writing for today.

I’m coming out of burnout and self-care is a sham.

Self-care is inspirationalized. It is sexualized. It forces me to buy more things to feel like I’m doing it right (thank you, capitalism).

Self-care is being sold for a profit. It’s a hot ticket item right now because everyone is on the continuum of zero to burnout and everyone is looking for answers that are quick and pretty.

I find myself longing to practice the self-care that looks pretty, but self-care?

Real, solid, stop-in-my-tracks, give-my-brain-a-break-and-my-body-too self-care? It’s anything but pretty.

Self-care is taking naps

I had to sleep an hour a day every afternoon to function. It wasn’t sexy. I may have drooled. I put my life on hold to give my brain a break — a break that my mind wouldn’t give it unless I slept. Napping is free. It’s also self-care.

Self-care is starting or continuing therapy

If it weren’t for therapy, I might be underground. Of course, a great support system is useful; I love my partner, family, and friends, but they can not reach the places in my brokenness that a therapist can.

Therapy is hard. What I put in is what I get out of it, but showing up for my mental health looked like putting everything on hold for an hour so that I could sift through the muck I create for myself and learn that it’s not all my fault. Self-care is showing up for therapy.

Self-care is finding an outlet

Writing is my outlet. I get to use my favorite words in my favorite ways. I get to put my thoughts in order as they stream onto a page.

When I write, I feel connected to something greater than myself. This connection to a universal mind makes me feel heard and whole. I can do it for hours and not notice the passing of time at all. Self-care is doing something I love.

Self-care is quitting one thing

Quitting is the unsexiest of all self-care strategies. Burnout is not a bad thing. It feels terrible, but it isn’t bad. Burnout is a message.

Burnout is a signal my body and mind use to tell me that I’m doing too much.

The secret to the best kind of self-care is doing the unsexy work. For me, that work included the difficult task of deciding which item or set of items to remove from my to-do list.

Quitting is glossed over on the interwebs and in self-help containers. Companies that sell self-care don’t want people coming back from burnout; keeping self-care in demand is in their best interest.

I needed to make decisions for myself about what was in my best interest. It was and is in my best interest to do less. Talk about unsexy; I didn’t even like typing that last sentence. Let’s try it again, harder this time.

I’m doing less and it’s okay.

Hmm. Close.

I’m doing less and I’m more okay than ever.

There it is.

I’m Brett Jenae Tomlin, The Anxious Enthusiast.

Thank you to Heidy De La Cruz for being my inspiration for this article. Read her heartfelt personal story on burnout here:

If you love, love, love my writing and want to shout out, “You get it, anxious girl!” You can contribute to my cookbook collection here or join Medium to put your own stamp on the web and the world. I get a little love if you use my link ^^

More by the Author: