Chronicles of a Married Sex Addict: The Connection (Book One, Part Two)

Rekindling an old flame

**Author’s note: This is book one, part two in a series of articles. To start from the beginning, go to https://readmedium.com/chronicles-of-a-sex-addict-the-beginning-7a8b72d29a86. **

“Should I friend him?” I thought to myself. Just as I had decided that I shouldn’t, a notification appeared… “Is it Jack?” I thought with a weird anticipation. As I went to click on the bell icon, my phone died. Who knew streaming porn for an hour would drain my entire battery? Wonderful. Now I can worry myself wondering what I’m missing while my phone charges. I got out of the tub, got dressed, and went back to my bedroom to charge my phone. Ben was still laying in bed, watching the game. As I sat on the edge of the bed looking for the charger, he reached over and rubbed my back under my shirt.

I was confused at first. Why would he bother being nice now? What is different now from an hour ago? I decided to sit there, waiting to see what his next move was while giving a quiet moan. He rolled over towards me and started kissing the small of my back. I felt that familiar warming sensation all over my body as he pushed my shirt up as if to say it was in the way. I took off my shirt as he moved back a bit so I could lay down. He looked down on my half-naked body, slowly stroking my stomach with the side of his hand. Then, he stopped. I said, “What’s wrong?” He replied, “Nothing. I’m just tired.” “Then why did you even touch me if you weren’t interested?!” I said annoyed. He turned over in bed and continued to watch the game. I said, “Well, whatever I guess. If that’s how you feel, then that’s how you feel. I can’t change that.”

At this point, enough time had lapsed that my phone could turn on now. I put my shirt back on and propped myself up in bed with my phone in hand. I tilted my phone away from Ben (not that he noticed anyway) and I opened Facebook. The notification was still there, waiting for me to click the bell. I clicked it, and it was actually a “mention” by my best friend (Lily) that had both Jack and me tagged in it. It was a picture from a high school dance with all of us and a few other friends. I commented, “I was so tiny!” A couple seconds later, Jack replied “And don’t forget pretty.” I blushed a bit. His nickname for me was ‘Pretty’. As I tried to think of what to say back, a new notification appeared. This time, it was a friend request from Jack.

I closed Facebook quickly. Does he know I saw it? Can he decide not to friend me now? Is there harm in accepting his request? My mind was racing with paranoid thoughts. We can be friends, right? Just then, I received a text from Lily. It read: “Wow. He’s still in to you after all of these years.” I messaged back, “That’s silly. It’s been forever and I’m sure he’s got other people in his life now. I know I do.” I decided to distract myself with some reading, but couldn’t forget his notification. I reopened Facebook, and there it sat. I decided to scroll through his profile and see what his life was like. He had what appeared to be either a wife or a serious relationship and also a young daughter. What’s the worst that could happen? If he doesn’t respect my boundaries, I can unfriend him. No harm done.

Then the thought occurred to me, what if Lily is right? What if he is still in to me? How would I respond to an advance? I was raised in a family that praised long marriages and monogamy, no matter how miserable people were. Would I cross a line? If I did, what would happen to my family? I’m the golden child. The college graduate that got married, rose to the middle class, and had an actual family. What would an affair do to that? My anxiety was high and moving way ahead of me. We both have families. Sexually frustrated or not, I’m a good wife. But, that’s the problem with first loves. The “what if” scenarios live with you for a lifetime and, in my case, haunt your dreams. Losing Jack was my fault, and I always wondered “what if”. What if he wants me? Or worse, what if he doesn’t and I find that I want him? Finally, I just said, “Don’t live in the what ifs, live in the known.” And with that, I accepted his request. As soon as I did, I could see everything in his timeline, not just the public posts. He had a girlfriend and a three-year old. He was still local and left the Marines a couple years ago. He owned a small business in our hometown that specialized in nostalgia. Looks like he has a happy and successful life. That gave me relief, knowing that he was probably going to want friendship and nothing else.

A moment later, I received a message from him:

Jack: “It’s been a lifetime since I saw you last. Still pretty.”

Me: “It’s nice to talk to you again. Handsome as ever. Looks like you’ve got a little one. I have two that are about her age.”

Jack: “She’s the best thing in my life today. I couldn’t imagine life without her.”

Me: “I feel the same with my girls. How’s everything else in your life?” I wanted to know who the woman was without asking directly.

Jack: “Pretty good. I have a mostly girlfriend if you want to call her that and I own a business.”

Me: Trying to figure out what “mostly girlfriend” means, skips it and says “I saw the store. It looks really neat.”

Jack: “Come by and see it. Tell me when and I’ll make sure I’m there.”

Me: “How about tomorrow around noon?”

Jack: “Perfect. See you then.”

Well, that was fast… I guess tomorrow, I go see Jack… Continue to Part Three: https://readmedium.com/chronicles-of-a-sex-addict-the-meet-up-part-three-f4f1423e44a8.

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