Chronicles of a Married Sex Addict: The Beginning (Book One, Part One)

The beginning of a ten-year affair

Let me start by saying, these stories are true. Is there some embellishing? Of course there is. But the people, places, and events are all true though altered to protect myself and those involved. Am I the sex addict in the title? Well, you be the judge. I’d like to think I’m more of an opportunist on someone else’s addiction.

I was a young bride. I didn’t know much about men and was starved for attention. I was the youngest of a large family with many older siblings that were ill. I felt neglected my whole life because of it and sought affection elsewhere. I had two boyfriends before I met my husband (we’ll call him Ben). One was sexually aggressive and handsy (deemed ‘the loser’ herein) and the other was tall, strong, and handsome (we’ll call him Jack).

I first dated Jack when I was 14. My mental health struggled due to some issues in my family, and I fell into a deep depression. I broke up with Jack just before I tried to kill myself as a way to protect him. As you can tell, I didn’t die by those pills. When I woke up the next day, Jack was all I could think about, but I couldn’t put him through my nonsense. Somehow, I got saddled with the loser instead. I lost my virginity to the loser (not entirely by choice), and we broke up soon afterward.

A year later, Jack wanted to try again. I was on cloud nine with him, but I couldn’t move our relationship forward. The loser had traumatized me enough that I didn’t want to be touched. I loved Jack more than anything, but it was for the best for us both to move on. We graduated in the winter, and he left for the military. Shortly after, I met the man that would become my husband.

A friend introduced us. I felt an immediate spark that was very foreign to me. I didn’t realize it at 17, but I know now as an adult that it was sexual attraction. Ben was tall, strong, witty, and awkward around me, but had a confidence that was alluring and sexy. He was five years older and that intrigued me. He spoke of his experiences, things he had done and had regretted, people too. I hung on his every word like a love-smitten kitten. I turned 18 soon after and that’s when the sparks started to fly.

I consider Ben to be my real first sexual experience. The loser lasted a couple seconds and didn’t even pop my cherry. Ben was experienced, and it showed. I began to want sex every day, multiple times a day. In parks. In the shower. In the car. In libraries. In amusement parks. Every house we visited led to us sneaking away and an orgasm (or two) for both of us. I felt more alive than I ever thought I could, and I couldn’t get enough of that feeling. I watched porn to study sex positions and read about Karma Sutra. I visited sex shops and got into light bondage, toys, and games. I learned methods for increasing the intensity of my own orgasms and learned how to perform the perfect blow job. Sexually speaking, we were both very satisfied for 10 long years (nine of which were in matrimony).

Our home life wasn’t great. He stole from me, didn’t celebrate my birthday (or any holidays), and was a compulsive liar. He didn’t work and didn’t take care of the house outside of making dinner occasionally. I tried to get him help and he refused. He convinced me everything I thought was wrong was actually ok. The sex was good, so maybe that was all that mattered to me. I wasn’t physically abused or even yelled at, after all. Somehow, there was always a way to justify his behavior and stay together.

I completed my Master’s degree and we started trying to have a child. When I became pregnant, everything changed. He refused to touch me. Even though the Dr. reassured him there was no harm, he absolutely refused. I gave birth very prematurely and he shifted his focus to our children, as did I. Fast forward to more than two years later and still no sex.

The kids were happy, healthy two year olds at this point (twins by the way), but he still refused to let them sleep in their own beds. I felt he was keeping them there as a barrier but talked myself into thinking I was being absurd. After all, men claim they cheat on their wives because women don’t like sex as much as they do. Surely, he had to be as interested, if not more interested, in sex than I was. Maybe he thought I wasn’t ready?

One night, I just couldn’t guess anymore and needed to feel him inside me. I took the girls to their beds to sleep. They cried for a few seconds and fell fast asleep. Alone at last. “This is my chance”, I thought. It’s been almost three years at this point since we’ve had sex, and toys in the tub just isn’t enough anymore. He must need me too, right?

I went into our room and there he laid watching a baseball game. I snuggled up next to him in a short t-shirt and panties, caressing his bare chest. He didn’t even acknowledge me. I said, “The girls are asleep and actually in their own beds. We should celebrate.” I kissed his neck, then his shoulder as I moved my mouth down his body and started to pull down his shorts. His response: “I’m watching the game.” I stopped abruptly and said, “Don’t you want me anymore?” He pretended he didn’t even hear me, which was his standard non-response to everything he didn’t want to deal with. I was devastated. I had the confirmation I needed. With tears quietly streaming down my face, I took my phone and toys into the bathtub.

My butterfly continues to be my favorite toy to this day, but even it just wasn’t enough that night. I couldn’t get off when I was so upset, even if I needed it. I gave up and started scrolling Facebook instead. I was rather new to it at the time and didn’t put much thought into it. That’s when Jack popped up in my “People you might know” section. I stared at his picture for what seemed like an eternity. I hadn’t seen him since we left high school and he was even more attractive than he was then. “Should I friend him?” I thought to myself. Just as I had decided that I shouldn’t, a notification appeared… Continue to Part Two: https://readmedium.com/chronicles-of-a-sex-addict-the-connection-part-two-6f5eb260044a.

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