How to survive the holidays when you’re chronically ill
Getting through the holidays when you’re living sick or in pain isn’t easy, but it is possible.
by: E.B. Johnson
For the chronically ill — whether you suffer from constant pain or another physical and mental ailments — the holidays can often feel more like a struggle than a celebration. Participating is not only desired, it’s required in many circumstances, and that can make us feel like we have to do it all…to the detriment of our longterm health and wellbeing in the new year.
Surviving the holidays when you’re surviving chronic illness requires not only perseverance, but a lot of acceptance and a little compassion too. It’s a journey, and it’s one we can manage when we’re honest with ourselves and honest about the limits of what we’re really capable of. By adopting a few simple techniques, while showing ourselves a bit of understanding, we can protect ourselves while finding our festive joy again. We have to shift our perspectives, though, and look after ourselves as well as we would look after others.
Chronic illness and the festive season.
Chronic illness is a serious problem in America and throughout the world, leading to pain and suffering that impacts millions. Though we may find it impossible to believe, 7 out of 10 deaths daily deaths are thought to be caused by chronic diseases, and in 2010 the U.S. spent almost $347 billion on the care of chronically ill. It’s a growing state of being, and the toll of being chronically ill is serious — especially during the holiday season.
Those who suffer with chronic illness can deal with an array of physical ailments, but their physical health can also take a major toll on their mental health too. With chronic disease and suffering comes worry, emotional distress and even depression and anxiety. It’s not a pleasant place to live, and it’s made even harder during this festive time of year when there are even more pressures and demands placed on our time, our money and all our other resources too.
The unique challenges of being ill during the holidays.
There are a number of unique holiday challenges that are faced by those who suffer with chronic illness. From the pain of gift-giving to the social commitments that take so much more than just a demand on time — getting through the holidays when you’re ill mean confronting the difficulties that this time of year entail. Only through this can we find our resilience and festive joy.
Gift-giving
Gift-giving is tough no matter who you are, but it can be especially tough for the chronically ill. Many of those who struggle with chronic illness struggle financially, as their illness takes a toll on the type of work they can perform and how much. More than that, shopping itself can present a number of physical challenges that make it hard to get around and accomplish the tasks you need to get done.
Social commitments
Though many of us look forward to the social commitments the holiday season brings, to the chronically ill it can be a daunting uphill battle. While spending time with friends and family is lovely and reassuring, it also takes a lot of physical, mental and emotional energy — something those of us with chronic illness just don’t really have going spare.
Finding joy
It will perhaps come as no surprise that living with chronic illness can make it hard to find joy in this oh-so-joyous season. Living with constant pain, illness or exhaustion has a way of eating away at your mental and emotional fortitude, leading to increased feelings of hopelessness or depression even when you want to be happy. Finding joy when you have a chronic illness often takes getting creative, and learning how to embrace your boundaries for what they are.
How to survive the holidays when you’re chronically ill.
The good news is that there are a number of coping techniques you can use to manage your festive season if you’re living with a chronic illness. By creating a coping plan and focusing on shifting your perspective with a little compassion and acceptance, you can create a holiday you love — but it takes a little bit of looking past our suffering.
1. Make an action plan before the go, go, go starts.
One of the great things about the holidays is that they come as no surprise. We literally know all year that this manic, chaotic time is coming our way, and that can give us some time to prepare emotionally and physically. If you have a chronic illness, it’s a smart move to make an action plan before the demands start; so that you can thrive and find your happiness during this go-go-go time.
Sit down and consider the full scope of your holiday plans, as well as who might require what. Separate the “should dos” from the “have to dos” and prioritize your commitments just like you prioritize the tasks you have to tackle in your normal day-to-day life. Just because its the holidays does not entitle anyone to bigger pieces of you. Do what you can and drop the rest. If you want to push yourself as a season gift — go ahead — but make sure you don’t push yourself beyond what your body can do.
Be honest with yourself and be loyal to your boundaries. Communicate your needs to others during this time and (if you’re comfortable with them) let them know that your holiday plans will be following your own timeline this year. Don’t be afraid to stick up for yourself and your body, and don’t be afraid to break your plans to take the time you need to rest, relax and recharge. The holidays are only as good as we make them. Make this the right holiday for you, not just the people around you who are living normal, healthy lives.
2. Don’t try to be Martha Stewart
It’s hard to go anywhere this time of year without being confronted with beautifully decorated trees and family-meal spreads that make those Norman Rockwell paintings look like a joke. There’s a lot of pressure to be the perfect host or hostess during the festive season, and there’s a lot of pressure to socialize and put on parties and put yourself and your home out there in a lot of extreme ways. This isn’t always the healthiest option, however, especially when we’re living with chronic illness; so it’s important to make sure we stick to what we’re really comfortable with.
Don’t try to be Martha Stewart this year and don’t try to over-extend yourself — whether that’s by hanging up Christmas lights with your bad back, or going all out to sling up that perfect holiday dinner. Accept that every bow and ribbon doesn’t have to in place. Fall in love with the un-garlanded mantel. Your health is more important that some aesthetic, and your family would prefer you to be happy rather than in pain.
When you feel your body coming to the edge, put down the wrapping paper and the scissors and walk away. Keep telling yourself that no beautiful house is worth your sanity or your wellbeing, and take some space to remind yourself of the true joy and value in this time of year. It’s not about whose got the best or the biggest. It’s about spending time with the people you care about while reflecting on the things behind and the things ahead.
3. Find the little joys
If you’re struggling with chronic pain or illness during the festive period, it can be hard to keep in touch with that automatic happiness we’re all supposed to feel. The pain and hardship of chronic illness is no easy pill to swallow — no matter what time of the year it is — but it’s especially hard during the holiday window when you’re emotional and reminded again and again of the limits your body has put up against you. By reconnecting with the little joys in life and in the season, we can find happiness again, but it takes a little creativity.
Take a few minutes for yourself each day and record 3–5 things that happened (or that are happening) that you can be grateful for. Stay away from superficial things like gifts and focus on experiences, people and pain-free days that allow to get a taste of what life might once have been like. Really focus on the positive feelings around the things that are going right, and feel them in your body.
Doing this every day, especially on the days when we really find ourselvees struggling, can help us to reconnect with the joy of the season, and the gratitude in our lives. No matter how we find ourselves, there’s a silver lining or benefit somewhere that can be gleamed when we get serious about seeing it. Focus and find what makes you happy to still be alive and breathing each day. You’ll often be surprised by just how much is going right in your life.
4. Stay mindful and compassionate
Gratitude doesn’t fix things over night, it’s a process that takes time and a little bit of focus. Instead of trying to find all our gratitude at once, it’s more important to interweave small, healthy practices into your life that allow you to build up gratitude gradually over time. Mindfulness practices are a great way to do this, and they’re a great way to get back in touch with who we are.
These practices can be as small as taking a few quiet, deep breaths each day or as big as training for a marathon. Learn how to recognize the difference in your physical body and the spirit that lives in it. The spirit is who you really are, the physical is simply who you appear to be. Listen to it, and listen when it directs you toward the things that make you happy or grateful just to be who you are right there in the moment.
Drink water, journal about the things that make you happy or sad or angry. Get to know who you are on the inside and the outside and you’ll wake up one day to realize you’ve been transforming all this time…you just didn’t realize it. Be compassionate and be kind to yourself. Extend the same understanding that you would extend to a friend and realize that it’s all a journey. Find a practice that works for you, and chip away at it a little bit every day.
5. ’Tis the season for acceptance
The hardest part of being chronically ill at holiday-time is oftetn the fact of accepting where you’re at, while refocusing your attention on the things that make you glad or heartfelt in this time. While we might often imagine how things might have been, it’s not healthy to dwell on what isn’t. The holidays are a time of rebirth, and we can use that energy to plan our own fresh start, but only when we shift our perspective and accept who we are and where we’re at.
Change and hardship is an unavoidable part of life, no matter who you are. Our jobs change. Our friends change. We all get sick, and we all die. Though you might be suffering now, you aren’t alone.Look around at all the things you have to be grateful for. Look at the people that you love. If we want to be happy, we have to accept our bodies and our health are as they are and move forward, doing what we can to secure the future we still want.
Losing our dreams to chronic illness causes major grief, but we have to start seeing it not as a permanent loss and instead as a simple misdirection. Give yourself a time limit to grieve, and then get on with your holiday season. If you want things to be better, find a way to fix them that fits within your means. Life is going to on no matter how you’re feeling. Embrace this never-ending game and zero-in on the people that are still making your heart sing in this joyous time.
Putting it all together…
When you live with chronic illness, it’s not always easy to keep going — especially during the holidays when there are so many more demands on your time and energy. Surviving this manically festive season requires being honest, being strong and sticking to what we know to be the limits of our physical and emotional ability. Don’t feel bad taking a step back or saying no this year when you need to. Chronic illness is a constant battle and there is only so much you have to give. You have a right and a responsibility to look out for yourself, no matter what time of year it is.
Spend some time coming up with a plan of action before the holiday seasons arrive. Be realistic about the time you have to spend, and the energy you have to give. Communicate your plan with those you trust and make sure they understand where you’re coming from and why. Don’t succumb to the pressure of the perfect holiday celebrations. Stay within your means, whether that comes to buying presents or cooking Christmas dinner. Don’t try to be Martha Stewart, and remember to leave yourself enough time to appreciate the little, authentic joys. Be mindful of your body and when it’s capable of pushing, and when it needs a break. No one can do it all, whether they’re chronically ill or not. Be kind to yourself and extend a little compassion to yourself this holiday season. Living with a chronic illness doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your time with friends and family. Get festive and get creative about creating the perfect year-ending season for you.
