FESTIVE DRESS-UP

Christmas Morning Wardrobe Tips

Get ready to be your best you

“Christmas only means something if you’re wearing Vera Wang.” Coco Chanel — not really.

While scrolling Pexels and Unsplash I made a fortunate discovery. Just in time for Christmas morning. Phew.

I had typed in “Christmas + mom” in search of a photo to accompany an article I was working on about becoming my mother.

My important and earth-shattering revelation involves the reality that most moms’ holiday clothing preferences are, well, above and beyond mine.

I have been falling short.

Good thing this juicy tidbit ‘o’ truth hit me up BEFORE the big day. Because I have been donning hobo gear — when the societally acceptable festivity fashionista involves effort. And presentation.

Here are the rules that you, too, need to follow. So you can stop being a loser like I was.

1. Forget comfort

You can wear your drool-coated flannel any day. Jesus’ birthday is a special occasion. For His sake, pull out the Prada. Splash on some Dior. Bring out the bling. Schedule an up-do.

Sitting cross-legged near the fireplace? Helping your preschooler unwrap the latest iPhone? Squishing homemade icing onto homemade sugar cookies? Sure, you might get dirty. Or be uncomfortable.

You chose that the moment your egg said ‘how you doin’?’ to that wayward sperm.

Deal with it. It’s called motherhood. Step carefully in your Jimmy Choos. Try not to get cocoa dust on your Burberry.

But if you do, just recall that memories are more important than a dry cleaning bill!

2. . Go for sexy

It’s the morning after a mysterious fat man has dropped off overpriced and unnecessary gimme-gimmes.

No kid wants to see a bedraggled mom.

Last night you stuck your tongue down Sexy Saint Nick’s throat, after all. Your cheeks are still engorged and your skin has never looked sparklier.

Since it’s all about appearances, darling, put in a little more exertion than you did last night. Your Facebook photo collage will be worth it. Watch how many Soccer Daddies hit on you next season.

3. Get matching outfits

Every kid wanna be Twinsies with Mama. And as all moms of teens know — the pouffier the better.

Look great at all times — and make sure your child does, too.

Because nothing says, “I don’t deserve to be human” more than dissing societal norms. And societal norms poo-poo pjs and bedhead.

Takeaways

Look yummy this holiday season. Achieving glorious greatness involves three simple steps. Forget comfie, embrace sexy, and make your kid a carbon copy of perfection.

It’s more than worth it. Your kids will thank you for years to come.

©Jennifer J. McDougall 2022