Chitwan National Park. Nepal. Travel.

Chitwan National Park

Four days of death defying bus journeys, walking safaris, bathing elephants, crocodile canoe rides, animal foetuses and Gangnam style!

Intro — Getting there

So, what’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done?

Erm…ride a bus in Nepal.

I honestly don’t know what the hell goes through Nepali bus drivers minds, but I think it’s something like this:

“So we’re on a thin, windy, rocky road barely wide enough to fit two vehicles, overlooking a steep drop of death. There has been quite a bit of traffic coming the other way, and now we’re coming to a completely blind corner. This looks like the PERFECT place to overtake the bus in front! Hell yeah!”

Might I point out, looking over those steep drops, we would see the carcasses of buses past that had gone over the edge. Notice that’s buses, plural.

At one point, the driver had to brake so hard that a little boy sat on the backbench of the bus was flung off his seat almost all the way to the driver! Slamming on his bottom on the floor, he laughed his head off and acted as if it was the best damn thing that had ever happened to him in his life.

After a full day of this, we stepped off the bus in the village of Tharu, glad to be alive.

That night, we saw the Tharu culture program, a little music and dance show of the local Tharu villagers. I thought it was just for tourists, but it was full of Nepalis, and it was a brilliant atmosphere.

So, after all the traditional dances, the audience is invited on stage to join in and guess what they played?…. Gangnam style! It was 2013. There was no escape from it.

Dancing to Gangnam Style at the Tharu culture programme

Day one

On the schools’ itinerary, yes, this was a school trip, was elephant bathing. (I was teaching English in Kathmandu). We were instructed, or should I say shoved onto the elephant’s naked back (maybe the most un-graceful thing I’ve ever done), and off we waddled. He plodded down into the river. His back and shoulders were wobbling up and down like a giant seesaw. I squealed, “I’m going to fall!”

His trunk gulped up some water, and before I could squeal again — Splat! He sprayed me right in the pie hole with 4 gallons of river water! Splash! Another 4. Splat! Well, you get the idea.

Then, I felt my sense of balance flounder thanks to old Mr elephant getting down on his knees and flopping over onto his side. “Well, I guess we’re going in then,” I thought as we tipped off his back into the river.

Us and the mahout gave the elephant the complete spa treatment. He loved it, and so did I. Or so I thought.

I must say that I travelled here relatively young and naïve. It was also part of our school’s itinerary for their annual trip. Since then, I’ve learned about elephants. The consensus is that if you can touch them, then they have been maltreated. As much as I enjoyed the experience at the time, if I could go back, I wouldn’t have participated, and I feel regret for it.

Day two

We went on a walking safari, and what did we see? Something nice and safe and pretty? Er no, we saw a whopping, wild rhino. I repeat, WILD RHINO!

Just staggering and incredible, it was so much bigger than any rhino I’ve seen in a zoo.

We were pretty close to it, crouching down in the bushes trying to keep quiet, and I was bloody terrified because they’re dangerous. They can charge at you at 40 kilometres an hour, according to the guide.

“If it charges, run that way and climb the nearest tree”

I was bricking it. So much so I didn’t even bother to take a photo. I was too busy plotting my escape and looking at the nearest trees. Could I climb that?

“He can’t see very well but has a wonderful sense of smell.” — our guide

At this sentence, the rhino started to sniff in our direction.

“OK, let’s go.” — our guide

Day three

We went on a beautiful canoe trip through the jungle. It tricked me into thinking this was lovely and peaceful until the boat wobbled, and what did I jerk over towards?

A bloody crocodile.

It was slinking through the water right in front of the boat. Every slight wobble rushed in the panic. “It is going to eat me!” childhood fear brought back to life, my friends. At least I had views like this to take my mind of being eaten!

Day four

We did a long ride to a gorgeous, mirror-like lake for our last day in Chitwan. As we rode through the bustling forest, we saw lots of deer, wild boars, and monkeys along the way.

I enjoyed it, but my bum cheeks not so much. A full day of riding over Chitwan’s “roads,” aka piles of rough stones, was enough for any bum cheek to hold a severe grudge against you.

What better way to reward yourself for a long bike ride than going to a nature exhibit, with lots of….almost full-grown animal foetuses in tanks of embalming fluid??? Seven-month rhino foetus, nine-month tiger foetus, six-month deer foetus, eight-month crocodile foetus, so sad and grotesque and fascinating, and many other adjectives. I couldn’t tear my eyes away, though, morbid fascination at its best.

So, Chitwan National Park, a jungle in the South of Nepal on the border of India. What a brilliant place. I’ve never enjoyed nearly dying every day quite so much!

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Georgina Nelson. Traveller. Writer. Photographer. Yoga teacher.

Sh*t Happens — because the things that go wrong make the funniest stories.