MENTAL HEALTH TIPS
Check Your Mental Health Now: End Extra Brain Noise to Breathe Easy Again
Three ideas that work for my daughter and will for you, too.
When the caller ID on my phone pops up with my daughter’s name, I brace myself for either hot or cold and even a full pendulum swing mid-stream. The seconds it takes me to answer are enough, these days, to handle her unpredictable nature.
On and on we go, round and round the mulberry bush.
Upon my answering, she blew like a pressure cooker whose lid was too tight.
“I can’t believe I’m in Facebook Jail! Stupid bitch reported me for my effin’ death threat. They should jail her, she’s the whore who cheated on her boyfriend. You know she is fighting to get her two kids back, right? Dumb ass, lost her kids because she is a two-bit druggie whore with a skanky face.”
She paused long enough to take a slow, deep drag from her cigarette which told me she would self-regulate her temper soon.
“Ugly as mud, dumb bitch. I wasn’t really gonna kill her. She should die, though, and Facebook jails me for calling her out? Really, what the f*ck?”
I listened to my daughter’s impassioned plea for justice and waited for it to wane. It never served anyone well to interrupt. Once her chaotic and charged energy level normalized, I eased into some dialogue.
We repeated many coping tools from her past. Her diagnoses of personality disorder, depression, anxiety, and spectrum disorder, competed with each other and clashed. We could fill many a binder with the valuable insights we have learned.
My daughter was not the only one to reap the benefits of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. As a mom of three kids, I question how I would have survived without understanding its purpose and employing the tactics.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a common type of talk therapy (psychotherapy). You work with a mental health counselor (psychotherapist or therapist) in a structured way, attending a limited number of sessions. CBT helps you become aware of inaccurate or negative thinking so you can view challenging situations more clearly and respond to them more effectively. ~ Mayo Clinic
Throughout decades of practice, calm became my middle name. Feeding my daughter the energy I wanted her to have, carried great importance in our interactions. I would don my cloak of curiosity, though I have none. I slowly opened the therapeutic door with, “Oh, do you know her?”
Each time we did this dance, her answer varied slightly but the meat of it was consistent.
No, but…
On and on we go, round and round the mulberry bush.
It’s an ongoing drill I know well. My life includes an understanding that we may rehearse, remind, and implement, known coping skills daily or weekly. And, that’s okay. It’s just a fact of life.
Her brain fills with the noise of others. She knows this but it’s challenging for her to remember when a trigger sets her off into a blind rage.
I remain at the ready upon her need. Regardless of the severity of the conflict, we eventually come back to square one.
Stay in Your Lane
Nobody’s business is yours. Stop and think about what that girl means to you and how anything she does affects your life. Oh, it and she doesn’t? Then stop wasting your energy in a direction that won’t help you in your life.
You have self-control. It’s up to you to use it. Stay in your lane.
Ignore the background noise; it’s not yours.
Social Media
Let’s talk about why you aren’t staying in your lane and how you can make it easier to focus. Minimize your social media usage. It’s okay to scroll when you’re bored. Stop commenting on everyone’s everything as if you are the Judge or jury. No one cares.
Ignore the background noise; it’s not yours.
Absolutely no one will change based on your input on social media. You are not the world’s foremost authority on their choices.
Compete with Yourself
You are uniquely you. Stop looking, comparing, and competing with what everyone else is doing. You only see what people decide to show you. What are the odds that you know everything about them?
Only draw inspiration from others to pick and choose how you may improve your life. Your life. Not theirs. You will never be them so stop wasting your energy on what they’re doing.
Ignore the background noise; it’s not yours.
The Kicker
None of these methods or coping skills are exclusive to those with mental illness.
They are, however, common threads to mental wellness.
My three children are adults. All of them get these reminder tidbits to help them through an emotional turmoil, big or small. I also remind myself when I feel the enticing pull of involvement where I don’t belong.
Not my circus, not my monkeys.
Ignore the background noise; it’s not yours.
None of us are immune to the benefits of talking ourselves back into wellness.
I am not a therapist, just a mom who listens, learns, and acts. Take the words from professionals regarding Cognitive Behavioral Therapy:
CBT can be a very helpful tool ― either alone or in combination with other therapies ― in treating mental health disorders, such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or an eating disorder. But not everyone who benefits from CBT has a mental health condition. CBT can be an effective tool to help anyone learn how to better manage stressful life situations. ~ Mayo Clinic (Text bolded by me for emphasis)
Do yourself a favor. Be kind to yourself. Take back the control of your own mental wellness. You can feel younger, lighter, and freer. The weight of everyone else’s world shouldn’t be on your back. Let it go.
Concentrate on being the best of who you are.
Let the fresh air fill your lungs again.
- Surround yourself with positive people.
- Tap into your inner child and what brings you happiness. Add those joys back into your life.
- Crowd out the negativities and turn away from the bad vibes that jockey for your attention.
- Talk a walk. Reconnect with the outdoors and marvel at nature.
- Keep your internal dialogue positive and uplifting.
Help yourself, right now, by staying in your lane and minimizing social media. Stop comparing yourself and don’t compete with others.
You can’t control the world but you can manage your reactions to it.
Wellness won’t be knocking on your front door to help. You have to walk outside and take the bull by the horns. I did it, I still live it, and I have released my burdens that were never mine anyway. It feels good.
I promise.
Lighten your emotional load and ignore the noise from others. Start with any of the three ideas and breathe easier. What do you have to lose?
You are not alone.
Ready to become a member and read endlessly?
Seek professional help if you believe that you or someone you know is in need.
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