Cheating Sucks. Here’s Why People Do It Anyway.
A study reveals the reasons why people cheat on their partners.
Cheating in a committed relationship is probably one of the biggest possible breaches of trust.
Fortunately, I never had to experience firsthand how it feels to be betrayed. But I can imagine that it must be terrible.
However, cheating happens relatively often. In this article, you will learn about the motives.
The Statistics Of Cheating
According to statistics, 13% of women and 20% of men report having cheated on their spouses.
What are the reasons for this? A study by Dylan Selterman, Justin Garcia, and Irene Tsapelas provides the answers.
The researchers surveyed 495 people who had admitted to cheating on their partners. In the process, they identified 8 main motives:
1. Anger
“ My primary partner had been unfaithful to me”
“ I argued with my primary before my affair”
Revenge and anger seem to be common reasons for cheating. Safe to say that this revenge will hurt the partner. Of course, this behavior is very immature and destroys the relationship.
2. Esteem
“ I wanted to feel better about myself ”
“ I wanted to assert my independence and autonomy ”
Maybe you feel better for a few minutes when you are desired by someone, but after cheating, you will feel much worse as soon as your remorse kicks in.
3. Lack Of Love
“ I was not sure if I really loved my primary partner”
“ I was not sure if my primary partner was the right person for me”
Uncertainty often leads to cheating. I just wonder if you feel more confident afterward?
4. Low Commitment
“ I was not very committed to my primary partner”
“ Even though we were seeing each other, we were not technically in a relationship publicly”
In such a situation it is of course a gray area. Is it cheating at all if you are not officially a couple?
5. Need For Variety
“ I wanted a greater variety of partners”
6. Neglect
“ I felt neglected by my primary partner”
“ My primary partner was emotionally distant”
Remember: Don’t neglect your partner. Otherwise, he might go somewhere else to get what he needs.
7. Sexual Desire
“ My primary partner had lost interest in sex”
“ My partner refused to perform certain acts during sex that I normally enjoy”
It seems like good sex is a fundamental prerequisite for a good and faithful relationship.
8. The Situation
“ I was drunk/ intoxicated and I was not thinking clearly”
“ I was overwhelmed at the time due to external stressors and was not thinking clearly”
Pretty shitty excuses in my opinion…
The Affair as an Exit Strategy
It turned out that those who cheated out of lack of love, to boost their self-esteem, or for variety were more likely to meet their affair in public.
For example, they went out to dinner or kissed in public. So they were not afraid of getting caught. One can assume that the affair is a kind of exit strategy to get out of the old relationship.
People who cheat for one of the other motives had less intention of ending their primary relationship or risking it.
Another interesting fact found in the study is that pretty much half of the cheaters admit their affair voluntarily, with women confessing more often than men.
We can say that cheating is a kind of exit strategy in many cases. In my opinion, this is a rather cowardly way to end the relationship, with which you only hurt your partner unnecessarily.
Final Thoughts
Cheating almost always arises from problems in the primary relationship. The following motives are the most common.
- Anger
- Self- Esteem
- Lack of love
- Low commitment
- Need for variety
- Neglect
- Sexual desire
- The situation
Thanks for reading!
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