Chapter 9: The Attack of the Flying Monkeys

Gender enlightenment, mean monkeys, and cute puppies

It was another beautiful day in the Land of Id as we continued our journey. (You know I am setting you up again, right?)

The Path of Gender Enlightenment continued to run straight and true. I started my day on the green tea that Basil, or was it Bella, gave me, and I felt great. We all were in excellent moods. As we walked, rolling hills loomed and brilliant green grass undulated in a gentle breeze.

The attack was sudden.

Flying monkeys swooped down and threw pinecones at us then swooped away to start another attack. The pinecones weren’t deadly, but they did sting.

Andi was having a tough time pulling the pinecones out of her lengths of straw and started to look like a Christmas tree with a bra sticking out. She overdid the bra stuffing, but we refrained from mentioning it days earlier. It made her happy so who were we to judge?

Neverknow the crow flew about in the thick of it, attacking any flying monkey he could while he dodged and weaved around pinecones.

Judy had curled up into a defensive ball on the ground crying as the pinecones bounced off her fur. Harley rushed to her rescue and stood over her while he swung his axe in defense. The pinecones bounced harmlessly off his tin body, but every impact sounded like a large kettle drum.

Sam grabbed a bunch of pinecones on the ground and initiated his own attack on the flying monkeys and scored some significant hits for our side.

The Wicked Witch of Militantly Ignorant floated behind the attacking flying monkeys screeching,” That’s it. Hit every one of them. Drive them from our land. Keep them out of our bathrooms. Keep them from infecting our children with their disease. Push them back into the closet. They are an abomination and must be eliminated!!!”

She started to scream even more offensive things, which really got to me.

I pulled out the only weapon I had. Yep, my Smith & Wesson 44 Magnum, the most powerful bubble gun blower in the world. And I let loose with a massive flurry of bubbles.

Then something totally unpredictable happened.

Every time a bubble hit one of the flying monkeys, they softly fell to the ground and turned into cute little puppies. Soon we had a field of adorable puppies frolicking all over.

“Look what you did to my Flying Monkeys!” screamed the Wicked Witch. “You will pay for this!” She started diving right at me. I took aim and squeezed hard, meeting her attack with a steady stream of bubbles.

She was just about to strike me with her broom when a huge bubble popped on her nose.

It took her entirely by surprise. She shimmered and glowed. Her gown turned a light purple and her face softened into a warm smile. She looked around as if seeing for the first time. “Look at all of these cute puppies!”

She knelt in the grass and the puppies attacked by licking her face while she giggled and laughed.

We all looked at each other stunned and laughed with her.

Our greatest fears had melted away, and our greatest enemy was no longer. The Lizard of Id had told us bubbles would temporarily neutralize her evil powers, but we never expected all this.

We played with the puppies and rolled around on the grass, but soon started to worry. We didn’t know how long temporary meant.

We scooted some of the puppies back onto the field, and I shot some extra bubbles for them to play with. I aimed an additional dose at the Witch for good measure. She just giggled and laughed.

We decided to take advantage of the moment and get back on the Path. There seemed there was more for us to walk and we figured it was safer now to continue.

End of Chapter 9

Writer note: Now who doesn’t love a field full of puppies? It would have been useful to have had the bubble gun on January 6 in Washington. Congress would have been filled with puppies.

Emma Holiday

In case you missed the first four chapters, here they are:

Writers note: This series continues. It seems I bought more wine than I thought but I have to get more chocolates.

If you have read any of my writings on Medium you will have noticed a definite theme: the incredible pain of gender dysphoria and all the difficult aspects of just being transgender.

My writing has three specific goals:

1. Writing is my therapy. I have a very limited outlet for my thoughts so I write to find a way to process the most profound experience in my life. I need to understand and I need to accept myself to move forward.

2. Being transgender, for me, is a very lonely existence and if I can share some of the things that I feel and think as I go through the process of transitioning with others who are transgender and, in some way, lessen their pain and sense of loneliness, then all of this public exposure of my personal thoughts is not a waste.

3. I write to help cisgender people understand that all trans people want is to be simply understood, accepted and treated as a normal person. We are.

Thank you for reading my work.

Please also read: