Chapter 5: The Cowardly Lion of Fearful Rejection
Chapter 5 of a tale of Oz and gender enlightenment
In the morning we all awoke from a good night’s sleep. The sun was shining and we were ready to continue our journey on the Path of Gender Enlightenment. Even Neverknow seemed relatively chatty as he mumbled “Good morning” and took flight for something to eat other than apples for breakfast.
Harley got all oiled up, Andi filled out his/her bra even further and I shot some bubbles in the air to set the mood. Neverknow circled overhead cawing happily.
It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and we all chatted and walked with a sense of group contentment. Throughout the day, shooting what I realized was an endless stream of bubbles (obviously it was a magic gun), we strolled further along the Path.
Around lunchtime, at least by my reckoning since I was the only that ate (Neverknow wasn’t sharing any worms, thankfully), we came upon a structure by the side of the road. It was either a very large well or a very small castle. Echoing from inside we heard a frustrated angry growl followed by a crying wail.
Of course, we went to investigate.
I yelled, “Hello inside!” I was quickly answered with, “Oh thank goodness someone is here to rescue me!” The three of us looked at each other not sure what to do next. Fortunately, Neverknow circled the top of the structure and then landed on Andi’s head.
“It’s a lion sitting on the floor crying,” Neverknow announced.
“Is it ferocious?” I asked, having been to many normal zoos before but here, who knew?
“I’m not sure but it’s mane has lots of ribbons and bows tied in it.” said Neverknow. I wasn’t sure where to begin. It was a thick brick wall surrounding the lion with no way out. My bubble gun was kind of useless at this point. I released some bubbles anyway to try and cheer up the lion inside.
From behind me I heard Harley yell, “Stand back everyone, I got this!” In its hands was a large axe that I hadn’t noticed before. “Hey, lion inside! Stand back from the wall and I will knock some of it down to get you out.”
Harley broke through the wall pretty quickly. Sitting on the floor, surrounded by bricks and cement, sat the lion, still sniffling. “Thank you,” he blurted out.
I gave him a hand climbing over the rubble. He finally sat down on the grass as we sat in a semi-circle around him. A slight wind stirred and his mane filled with a rainbow color of the ribbons. His bow danced like a series of kites in flight. I noticed his claws were painted with ruby-red nail polish. They looked like he had on a pair of ruby red shoes.
“How did you ever get in there’, asked Andi. Neverknow had landed on his/her head to hear the answer as well.
“It’s all my fault,” sniffled the lion.
“What do you mean?” said Harley.
“I just never fit in anywhere and people were always making fun of me because I didn’t want to look like other male lions… I just liked to dress like my sisters…” The lion started to tear up again. “I started to build a wall to defend me against everyone. I was tired of being hurt. I was so busy building a wall to protect myself, I didn’t realize that by the time I got done, I was stuck inside. I forgot to build a way out. I wound up building a jail cell that kept me in.”
We all sat there stunned. It was hard to imagine being so afraid that you needed to wall yourself up to hide. All that because those around you won’t let you just be you and be happy.
I realized that it sounded a lot like me. I built thick walls of gender denial for years. These walls were just more physical.
Neverknow shook his head looking at the lion. “You know she has to come with us,” he declared.
The lion looked up for the first time and said, “He said “she”. Did he mean me?”
“Of course I did,” said Neverknow with authority. “And I said “she” because she is.”
Andi turned to the lion and asked, “What is your name?”
The lion thought for a moment and then said, “Judy, I always loved that name.”
“Then Judy it is,” stated Andi to everyone’s satisfaction. Judy was just beaming. Her smile was wonderful.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
I said, “We’re on the Path of Gender Enlightenment. We all are a little confused and need some answers.”
“Except me,” added Neverknow, “I am not confused at all! I’m a guy crow. I am just here to keep them from getting lost.” Then he flew away.
As everyone started back to the Path, Andi turned to Judy. “By the way, do you happen to know the words to I GO TO RIO?”
“No but isn’t that from the album BOY FROM OZ?”
“Different album, but I can tell you are going to fit right in with this group.”
I squeezed off a trail of bubbles in support.
Emma Holiday
In case you missed the first four chapters, here they are:
Writers note: This series continues. It seems I bought more wine than I thought but I have to get more chocolates.
If you have read any of my writings on Medium you will have noticed a definite theme: the incredible pain of gender dysphoria and all the difficult aspects of just being transgender.
My writing has three specific goals:
1. Writing is my therapy. I have a very limited outlet for my thoughts so I write to find a way to process the most profound experience in my life. I need to understand and I need to accept myself to move forward.
2. Being transgender, for me, is a very lonely existence and if I can share some of the things that I feel and think as I go through the process of transitioning with others who are transgender and, in some way, lessen their pain and sense of loneliness, then all of this public exposure of my personal thoughts is not a waste.
3. I write to help cisgender people understand that all trans people want is to be simply understood, accepted and treated as a normal person. We are.
Thank you for reading my work.
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