Accidental Notes: A Novel

Chapter 39

Strangers

Not sure what this story is? The synopsis is available here.

Catch up on chapter 38 here.

The remainder of my visit passes too fast. I spend my evening learning how to hang upside down from a tree branch, improvising with Grayson on his piano and with every kiss we share. We still haven’t made anything official, and he hasn’t pressured me to make a decision. I want to get caught up in the movement we’re in before we have to discover what this will look like long distance. And I’ve been absolutely swept away by our song.

Then it’s morning, and New Year’s Eve. Dad and I are in the driveway with my suitcase. We’ve hardly talked since he found the message I transcribed in my bullet journal. At least in the way he stopped trying to be there for me, he’s acknowledging that something changed between us.

Meghan pulls up alongside Dad’s truck and an unfamiliar car parks behind her. She and Liam and the stranger from the SUV all get out and stand in Grandma’s front yard. Dad throws my suitcase into the front seat of the truck without acknowledging them. I clutch the straps of my backpack.

“You sure you don’t want to drive?” Dad asks me.

“I think I’ve driven enough to last a lifetime.”

He studies me. Nods, like he knew what choice I would make. I know what choices he’ll make, too, because he stopped making real, actual choices before I was born. I turn away and kneel beside Liam instead. “I’m gonna miss playing songs with you, Liam,” I say.

Without warning, he throws his arms around me and squeezes the breath out of me. I squeeze back. “You’re not coming back?” he asks without pulling away. “I thought maybe you lived here now.”

One more big breath, one more hug. But before I can say anything, the stranger from the SUV answers the question for me. She’s driving a huge For Sale sign into the ground with a hammer.

“No one we know will live here anymore,” I tell Liam. “I need to get home to my mom.”

“I’m glad you have a mom,” he says. “For a little bit I was worried you didn’t.”

“I do. You don’t need to worry. Plus, you have a great one. Don’t forget it.”

Meghan comes over and scoops him up. I know she was listening. It’s part of why I said what I did. I’m going to miss her. “It was nice to see you again, Adaya. Don’t be a stranger.”

I hug her and nod, but her words are empty. I already am. I’ll keep being one. And that’s okay.

“Meghan? Do you have the key? We should get the house photographed while the light is good,” the stranger says.

As the two of them walk away, Liam running to catch up, Grayson comes up the driveway. “Sorry I’m late. We ready to go? How’s the pass?”

Dad answers him. “The roads are completely clear now. Reports say the snow is even melting in the forest. No delays, last time I checked, so we should be all right.”

I don’t know if Dad will be all right. I don’t think he’s been all right in a long time. But Grayson and me? We are all right. And we will be. We climb in to Dad’s truck together. I look out the back window for as long as I can see Grandma’s house. We round a corner and then I look ahead. West, toward home.

It doesn’t take much to convince Grayson to play his new composition for us. The whole time it plays, I hold Grayson’s hand too tight in mine.

“That’s a good song, Grayson,” Dad says. It sounds awkward, but I know he means the compliment. It’s clear, even in the backseat where I can’t see him, who he’s actually thinking of.

“It’s incredible. It was good on your piano, but finished? Wow.” My entire arm is goosebumps.

Grayson hands me his phone and I dig through his Spotify playlists until I find one we’ll both like. I consider commandeering Dad’s speakers for the whole ride, but I grab earbuds instead and hand one to Grayson. This music? This trip? It’s ours, and we don’t have to share.

Thankfully, Dad’s phone was right, and the trip from Bend to Portland is straightforward, with no delays. Soon we’re seeing signs for beaches, which reminds me of home. Home. We pull off the freeway and spiral up the parking garage. Dad hands me my suitcase, then walks behind Grayson and me as we cross the skybridge and enter the airport. I’m already thinking about the bookstore in the terminal. But I won’t get there until I pass through security, and I’m not doing that until I’ve gotten my goodbyes.

Since we didn’t trust the pass, I have more than three hours until my flight leaves. I triple-check that my ticket comes through on my phone and shows that I’m checked in. “Should we get something to eat?”

There aren’t many restaurants this side of security, but Dad leads us to Beaches, a sit-down place with a bar. We’re taken to a table near the back, looking out over the tarmac. The runway is lit in bright colors that smear through the rain, blurry spheres like Christmas decorations that haven’t been put away yet. Dad can’t seem to look away. I put my hand on his shoulder. “It’s not too late, you know.”

“For what?”

“To see the world. When was the last time you got on a plane for a vacation? Left Bend behind you?”

He takes a deep breath, then lets it all out way too fast. Then he turns for the bar. I watch as his drink comes, then watch as he downs it. I hope he waits a long time before driving Grayson home again.

There’s no point in sitting here hoping. I leave him alone and find Grayson instead. He wraps his arms around me while I stare. I lean back and into the scent of him, something I’ll have to find a way to remember now.

With Grayson, I feel not quite like a different person, but like a different part of myself. The way we relate to one another has always been intense, from those moments reviewing songs on the monkey bars in fourth grade. An intense focus, an intense friendship, and intense hurt when things go wrong. That didn’t change. From the moment we saw each other again, we wanted to make demands of each other it doesn’t make sense to keep.

Like this one, right now, standing at an airport in a city neither of us live in, impossible to let go even though we must. I turn around in his arms. I want to eliminate the space between us entirely, kiss him in a place so full of strangers with other things on their minds we might as well be alone.

I don’t, because Grayson West is pushing me away. “Are you okay?”

He shakes his head. It doesn’t seem to mean, “No,” but “Wrong question.” He pulls a wrinkled sheet of paper out of the front pocket of his hoodie and hands it to me as his cheeks turn bright red.

A note, I realize before I’ve even opened it. Grayson has written me a note.