CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE
Chapter 10: Navigating Love, Identity, and Change
The path to freedom is littered with shattered hearts. It’s necessary.
Norma had known for as long as she could remember. It wasn’t some revelation that struck her like a lightning bolt; it was a quiet, persistent knowledge that had always been there.
Assigned female at birth, but that was not her truth. She was a man, and she had always been a man.
In her heart, she knew herself as Norm, not Norma, as she had been christened and called for a quarter of a century.
Joe, her childhood friend turned husband, had always understood too.
They had grown up together, played sports, and gone to college side by side. They were best friends who had followed the expected life path and married each other. And for a while, they were happy. Even in those early days of their marriage, Norm could always be himself when he was with Joe.
Norm couldn’t escape the constant ache beneath his skin, though, inside his bones. It was the ache of living a life that didn’t align with his identity. He had to change. His body grew more and more discomfiting.
He explained to Joe then, “I’m not comfortable in this skin anymore.”
Joe was familiar with this. When his grandmother was dying, she used to peel off all her clothes and strip the bed of its linens. As a boy, he asked her why she did this. His Gran said as much as his wife was saying now.
In a way, he supposed the person of Norma was dying to him, just like his Gran.
He felt so helpless as he questioned his manhood, ideas about the lifelong commitment of marriage, and saving his soul as his partner began to compose a new body — a body like his.
They started counselling when Norm changed his pronouns and began his gender reassignment process.
Joe didn’t want to divorce Norm.
In those therapy sessions, he said, “I’m not gay. So, if we make this work, we’ll have to figure out how to meet our sexual needs. But you were and are my best friend and partner. I do not want to let you go, Norma — I mean, Norm.” He grimaced and squirmed in the squeaky leather seat, staring at the therapist, avoiding looking at his wife.
Norm was okay with that arrangement, content to have Joe by his side. In their relationship, he was comfortable.
Until that fateful week when Norm found himself in the hospital, a survivor of a domestic terrorist bombing that shook his world. The experience left him knowing what to do next — he had to be free.
He knew he had to have a difficult conversation with Joe when he returned home. Now, here they were.
They sat in the dimly lit living room, the air heavy with unspoken words. Norm took a deep breath and said, “Joe, I need to be honest with you. I’ve met someone else.”
Joe’s expression shifted from surprise to anger, his fists clenched involuntarily. He turned off the television, sat up and turned to Norma.
“What‽”
Norm could feel Joe’s fury and betrayal cogitated in his gaze. He swallowed hard, trying to find the right words.
“Joe, it’s not about you. It’s about me needing to find myself and be true to myself.”
His voice trembling with a mix of anger and hurt. “So, you’re just throwing us away for your own happiness?”
Norm nodded, his own eyes moist. “I know it’s not fair to you, Joe. But I can’t keep living a lie.”
Joe reached out and took Norm’s hand, his grip tightening. “Can’t we work through this? Can’t we fix what’s broken?”
He still saw her as Norma, even through the changes. His brain conspired with his heart against reality.
Norm looked into Joe’s eyes, seeing the love and desperation there. He hesitated momentarily and then spoke the word that held the key to his decision, “Freedom.”
Joe furrowed his brow in confusion. “Freedom? What the hell does that mean?”
Norm smiled through his tears. “It means being free to be myself, Joe. I’ve spent my whole life feeling like something was missing, trapped in a cage. I met my chance at freedom yesterday, Joe. I can only be whole when we part ways.”
Joe stared at Norm for a long moment, his hand still gripping Norm’s tightly.
Finally, he released Norm’s hand, his fingers releasing their grip as if letting go of something burdensome.
Once warm and filled with love, his voice now dripped with bitterness, hurt, and a reluctant acceptance. “Norm, you’ve made your choice,” he spat out, each word laced with resentment. “Just know that you’ve left me feeling cheated and broken.”
Tears welled up in Norm’s eyes as he leaned in to gently kiss Joe.
For the first time, Joe stepped away, refusing the intimate gesture, and quietly left their apartment.
The air outside slammed against him as he pushed through a foggy brain and stepped into his weathered car from his teen years.
With a hesitant twist of the key in the ignition, the engine coughed to life.
The tired old vehicle rumbled and sputtered, a testament to the years it had faithfully served.
The universe then dealt another gut punch as the ApplePlay delivered Coldplay's haunting “The Scientist” melody by spilling it around him and filling the car.
© Scarlet Ibis James, 2023: All Rights Reserved.
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or deceased, or events is coincidental. All characters and incidents in this narrative are products of the author’s imagination.
Thank you for reading 🌸 This is the last chapter in Part II.
