Celebrating the Memories of a Father

On transforming a relationship after death

Today marks 10 years since I had to say goodbye to my father. The number 22 became really special to me.

After 10 years, the loss is still present in me. How can I live on without a loved one, who is the root of my own body and life?

It has been very challenging. The contact with him is forever broken, but also a part of myself is lost. My father is the one who made it possible for me to exist. That’s why I felt disconnected from a part of myself. He defined a part of who I am.

However, over the years, I can still feel his presence with me. When I visited India after him being gone, I felt my father really close. We were never together in this country, but maybe it’s because of other things. Especially the bonfires spread everywhere over town, the dense nature and the Indian culture might be the reasons that I felt him so close. India, nature, and the healing power of fire are also close to my heart.

The grief is still there. I’m still sad for him not being around anymore.

But the grief changed.

Grief changed into gratitude, for the person he was to me as being my father. What he meant to me during life. How he stepped up for me, negotiated for me, and showed me how to cope with difficult situations.

Making life funny. Taking showers in the rain instead of complaining that the weather was bad. Dancing to the Top 100 on Sunday morning

I loved his way of being.

Cherishing the memories we made together, helps me through the more difficult moments of not being together anymore. I learned that time helps not to forget my father, but to value all memories I still have of him.

Sometimes I feel him so close that I want to pick up the phone to call him. And then I hit the wall, realizing that’s not a possibility anymore.

Learning how to live without a once-loved one is hard, but it doesn’t stop the relationship you have with him or her. It just turns the old relationship into a new one. All the moments merge and transform into a new relationship, with memories being the building blocks.

That’s also the reason why I think we should prioritize the time we have with our loved ones. Now is the time of making memories and thanking the other one for being there with you, walking a part of the path together to accomplish the goals that matter to you.

Take time, remember, and be grateful for all the loving memories you have with your loved ones. And perhaps, one day, we will see each other again.

This article has been boosted, read more in A Boosted Tale: Celebrating Memories and Milestones on Medium.

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Marieke is an experienced professional with a diverse background in education, management, communication, and nonprofit organizations.

Skilled in developing and coordinating impactful social projects, and providing financial management. Passionate about fostering growth, building connections, and making a difference in the world.