Don’t Stop Bragging
Successful People Celebrate Success
Stop telling people to stop bragging — The never-ending search for success and its greatest societal enemy, false humility
We talk a lot about success because everyone wants to be successful. As we all know, the majority of people never become their version of successful.
We could go into what success actually means since many feel passionate about the true meaning of success. That is a feat, however, that has already been taken on by many great writers.
So for the sake of brevity, I will let you draw your own conclusions as to the meaning of success, in confidence that you will understand my point, either way.
Despite all the talking and reading and writing, we do about success, it still evades most people.
We know this because of all the people who are still talking about it, reading about it and writing about it.
Are we awaiting the day when that ground-breaking writer or producer will come out with that magic piece of content we have all been waiting for? The one that will finally give us the secret ingredient to the success we have been missing?
Even worse, are we happy with the fact that few people ever find their version of success? Is that why we keep talking about how instead of why the how is impossible to most people?
Maybe some successful people and people who write and teach about success don’t want success to be attainable to more than a few people.
After all, if anyone could achieve success, no-one would need to read all the articles and take all the classes. Furthermore, successful people’s success would not look so shiny if it was not so rare.
I am not content with watching legions of people spend thousands of hours — and sometimes even dollars — on learning how to be successful, while never addressing the things about our society that render most people incapable of practising said principles.
Knowing how to be successful doesn’t help
We all know that no matter how much anyone knows about the art of being successful, no-one can attain it unless they are capable of applying the things they learn to their individual lives.
Our culture is built on domination and competition. There are many aspects of this domination culture that lead us to endless loops of chasing things that continue to evade us. You have seen it in many forms, I am sure.
Some people chase relationships. Some chase so-called success. Some chase control, validation, power or even drama.
We use our careers, our romances and every form of interaction with the world around us to chase all these things.
Many of the things we yearn for do come from our intrinsic human needs, although these needs are, many times, run rampant due to a lack of self-awareness, mindfulness or personal inquiry.
Regardless of whether we are in a state of unaware chasing, not knowing we are even chasing — or what, or in a very conscious state of receiving, we all want something. We are moving towards something or we wish we could.
And whether we are mindless or aware, there are loops in society that take us around in circles, only thinking we are moving towards success. Otherwise, why would so many people still fail in achieving it — despite all the golden wisdom available to us?
Let us look — for a moment — not at how to achieve success, but at one of the most devastating loops in our domination culture that make many people incapable of achieving it.
All coins have two sides
Everything is a paradox and everything has its own opposite. Many things could not even exist without their opposite — darkness and light, good and bad, etc.
All principles, values and ideals have two sides, like a coin. That is why we hear so many self-development voices talking about boring-sounding balance.
Maybe I am alone here, but when I was younger and people talked about balance as a solution to my problems, I remember only one thought.
‘BORING. Next…’
Of course, I was unaware of the power that balance had over my life.
I wanted to sort everything out as either good or bad and throw away the bad. Understanding, now, that life doesn’t work that way, I can see how boring life would be if it did.
Looking back at the past manifestation of me, it is clear that my disregard of balance is what kept me in those endless loops of unhappiness and futility — the ones where you keep chasing or seeking but never catch or find.
When we seek a solution to anything in life, we often go to one extreme and then the other, only to find that the solution was somewhere in the middle all along. When we find the solution, which is always about balance, we no longer leave one side of the coin unattended while focusing on its opposite extreme.
Sometimes experiencing one extreme, or both is necessary to find that place in the middle. The important thing is that we don’t stay on one extreme or the other, forgetting about the other side and its purpose.
We are full-spectrum human beings with many, many coins. Both sides of all those coins matters.
There is one thing above all else that has helped me conceptualize the value of some of the ugliest sides of our dearest human coins — that is conceding to my innermost self that two things can be completely contradictory in nature and both be true at the same time.
Two things can be completely juxtaposed and still both matter. Two things can appear to be arch enemies and still depend on each other for their own survival — even for their existence.
Most importantly, this is true in and of us. It’s all good and it’s all bad, all at once — everything in us and everything about us. The only problem is that too many of us have lost half of some of our coins because we are stuck in the extreme of the other side.
Imagine if you had a 25 cent piece from the US, made of silver. Somehow, you were able to cut it in half between heads and tales, right down the skinny middle.
First of all, that would be really hard. I mean, I have no idea how one would do that, maybe a special machine or something. It’s so thin it appears impossible.
If we tried to do it ourselves, we couldn’t. The head is so close to the tail and the silver is so strong. They are not made for us to separate them.
That is how our human coins are too — they are not made to be cut in half and the only easy way to do so is to cut it right down the middle of the circle, leaving neither side whole.
Now, even if we could easily take a quarter and slice it right down the middle, why on earth would we do that?
It’s no longer worth anything — we can no longer spend it. Unlike a dollar bill, we probably couldn’t even tape it together and spend it at the corner store.
That is how our human coins are too. When we chop them up, we can’t spend them in life. We try to use the chopped up pieces, but they don’t accept them at the shiny gate and only lead us to the endless loop of the chase.
Before I go all Dr Seuss and lose you here with my self-satisfying tongue-tie poetry, I will move on.
When you look at the full spectrum of any human characteristic, there is always the other side of the coin —they are all good and bad at the same time. The solution is found in balance, for all gifts can be liabilities and all liabilities can be gifted.
The weaponization of humility
Growing up, most of us were told not to brag. Many of our parents would point out that one kind of person we all had around — the one who acts like they are God's Gift to Earth’ as my mom would always say.
This is the one who is always ‘bragging’ about how great they are at one thing or another — they are entitled and lack genuine humility.
Most don’t want to be a braggart or an overly self-absorbed person. It is perceived as extremely unattractive.
Because of the ugly side of the pride coin, we lose sight of the other side. Where one side holds selfishness, false pride and ego, the other holds confidence and worthwhile pride.
We can be confident and proud of what we give to the world without being braggadocious and we can accept appreciation and other things in exchange for the gifts we offer the world without being greedy or grandiose.
Through our collective efforts not to be grandiose, arrogant or greedy — the very principle of humility has been weaponized and turned against itself.
Accepting our gifts and the appreciation the world has to offer in exchange for them, whether that be expressed through compliments cash or other things, is a very humble act.
The idea that we must deny compliments and avoid talking about our achievements, in order to be humble, has caused us on many occasion to cut up our coins and oppress our own innate needs and gifts.
Weaponized humility is the number one cause for human failure.
Yeah, I know. That sounds like a super bold statement. I promise I am not being clicky and I will explain what I mean.
Maybe you can find a better cause for mass failure in the fabric of our society — if you do I would love to read your essay on the topic, watch your video or listen to your podcast.
I do not wish to be alone in my desire to go beneath the surface. I hope that more writers, thinkers, leaders and coaches will come up with more ideas to focus less on how to be successful and more on finding the solution to why most people can’t.
There is one thing though, for me, that haunts me every day. It is one of those things that makes you want to scream from the rooftops.
It makes you feel like you are watching people drive around in reverse, not knowing that there is a drive and it is much easier to get places when you drive forward.
To be forward, it is one of those times where you say to yourself,
“What the hell is going on here? Who even made this shit up and why are we all just going along with it? Is no-one else seeing this?”
You have felt that way before, I know you have.
In my deep and heartfelt desire to see other people succeed — no matter what that looks like for them — there is one thing that makes me want to pull my fellow human aside for a cup of coffee or tea on a daily. And not just here and there, all day every day.
I cannot have knee to knees with people all day or I won’t get anything else done. So here I am, on my rooftop, screaming for the world to hear.
When they told us that we shouldn’t talk about our achievements, that was really bad advice.
That little voice in our heads that tells us not to brag?
Yeah, that guy is not on our team and he is winning in his efforts to make the majority of us incapable of ‘success’.
Celebrities celebrate themselves
Simply look at the people who many of us see as the ‘most successful’ in the world — celebrities.
What is a celebrity other than someone who celebrates themselves and is celebrated by others? It’s literally in the name.
Does anyone get mad at Oprah for talking about her long list of Academy, Global and other awards?
Of course not.
Oprah is truly the perfect example of someone who made it through the shiny gates and did so — not only by celebrating others — but by simultaneously and humbly celebrating herself.
Not only did she make it through the gates, but she also holds an unlimited pass and has the unchallenged privilege of letting anyone else in she chooses.
No matter how you feel about Oprah, you cannot deny the power she has held and maintains in our world. She could take any writer, coach, speaker or influencer and make them a worldwide success, overnight, with only two fingers and her back turned — after spinning in circles ten times.
Many people would never see Oprah as selfish, greedy or grandiose — yet she holds the most power in the world, in some respects.
Did she avoid celebrating her achievements or using them to stand on? Did she deflect the compliments of the world? Did she sacrifice the enthusiasm and confidence in herself that makes her great in the name of false humility?
No. She didn’t step onto the stage at the Golden Globes and say,
“You know what world, this is really sweet but I really don’t deserve it.”
Hell no.
She accepted and celebrated every accomplishment and acknowledgment that she received and she allowed the world to celebrate her and her achievements with her.
She said, metaphorically,
“Yes! I did work really hard on this and it did turn out to be great. I appreciate you noticing, world. Thank you for the acknowledgment. Your celebration of my achievement is accepted and we can celebrate together.”
Collectively, we avoid self-celebration in the name of humility, while self-celebration and the acceptance of appreciation from the world remains a very humble act.
Celebrate success to be successful
Celebrate your own success, allow others to celebrate you and celebrate the success of others. Successful people share their achievements with the world and if they didn’t we wouldn’t see their success.
If we truly wish to find success and to help others do the same, we must focus less on how to be successful and more on what is holding people back from success — much of which are old and disproven belief systems that we collectively and often unknowingly support.
Many of the greats were never successful in their lifetime and their work was not acknowledged until they were long gone, largely because of beliefs we never let go of and work that was simply not celebrated.
So please, let us stop telling people to stop bragging and start telling people to start celebrating. If more of us celebrated success, success may not be limited to ‘celebrities’.
We will close by paying tribute to a few of the un-successful greats
Many were not celebrated while they were alive, yet have changed our world, forever.
Vincent van Gogh is one of the most famous artists of all time and his influence on the history of Western art is beyond measure. During his lifetime he has deemed a failure and was shunned by society. It was not until after his alleged suicide that the world took notice of his world-changing work. He sold one painting in his entire life, yet the prices of those pieces he never sold are unrivaled today.
The original of his most iconic painting, ‘The Starry Night’ would go for 1 billion dollars, today — if it had a price. It doesn’t. It is the literal definition of priceless.
Edgar Allen Po is a literary genius who, although rejected by a variety of literary establishments during his life, was celebrated by those same establishments after his death. His piece ‘The Raven’ sold for 9 dollars in 1845 and is now one of the most widely recognized poems in the world. You may know it, but if not, you have at least heard parts of it at some point in your life.
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore — While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. “’Tis some visitor,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door — Only this and nothing more.”
He is known to have died, ‘drunk and penniless’ — yet he has since become the central figure of Romanticism and is accredited for the invention of multiple genres, including detective fiction and therefore the emergence of science fiction. He was said to have had a total of 7 people attend his funeral.
Galileo was a polymath who has been called the father of modern physics, modern science, observational astronomy and the scientific method. He was however found ‘vehemently suspect of heresy and was sentenced to house arrest where he spent the rest of his life and his texts were banned by the Catholic Church.
During his life, he invented many things including the refracting telescope, pendulum clock and the proportional compass. His astronomical findings were unbelievable.
He discovered Jupiter’s moons, the stars of the milky-way, craters and mountains on the moon, and the phases of Venus.
He also championed Heliocentrism — which is the astronomical model we all use today of the earth and the planets revolving around the sun. Because of opposition from the Catholic Church and other astronomers he was forced to recant his views as they were deemed foolish and heretical. The same views that are widely accepted today were the views that he spent his entire life being persecuted for.
We have missed co-creating with many great minds of our history because of belief systems we waited too long to let go of and acknowledgement that we never gave.
I think it’s high time we changed our ways.
Written by Holly Kellums
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Real life application — A practice in mindfulness
If you are like me and want a real life application of the principles you explore, I invite you to try something. Pay attention to the world around you and yourself.
Notice the overly-apologetic tone that we take. Notice how we sometimes feel embarrassed when we share our achievements — wondering if we appear arrogant or self-absorbed. Notice how we deflect compliments instead of receiving them. Notice how we turn down money for our energy and undercharge for our work. Notice how we avoid success by refusing to celebrate ourselves, in fear of being grandiose.
Notice how we doubt ourselves and, most importantly, notice how we nurture doubt in others by supporting old, outdated and disproven beliefs.
If you do take a look at these things and you noticed the same patterns I did, you can dive in a little deeper by practicing confidence and receivership and encouraging it in others.
When someone gives you a compliment, receive it.
This one is very tricky because we have been trained to say things like…
‘Oh, it was nothing’
‘I couldn’t have done it without this and that’
I don’t know if I/it was that good, but thank you anyway’
‘It wasn’t that great for this reason but thank you anyway’
‘Thank you, but I don’t know if I deserve that’
‘All the credit goes to this person or that person or God’
‘Oh, stop’
‘All I did was this or that, but thank you anyway’
If you practice responses that receive compliments instead of deflecting them, you will be amazed what you can come up with.
It could be as simple as…
Thank you for the compliment.
Or as detailed as..
Thank you, I have worked really hard to do xyz, and I appreciate that someone noticed the fruits of my efforts.
Simply practice saying something, anything, that receives the compliment instead of pushing it away.
Remind others that they deserve acknowledgment and don’t owe the world an apology.
This is especially true when you see them missing out on a chance to celebrate themselves or you see them doubting themselves.
If you paid attention and you noticed what I noticed, you will notice a lot of people around you deflecting compliments and over-apologizing. You can encourage others to celebrate themselves without telling people what to do.
When someone says, “Oh, it was nothing” or “Thank you, but I don’t know if I deserve that”, you can simply say why you think they deserve it, sincerely, of course. No-one likes to be patronized.
When someone over-apologizes to you, or apologizes unnecessarily, you can let them know they didn’t owe you an apology without discounting their feelings that brought the apology on.
For example…
Apologizer: I am sorry that I did not answer your message the moment I received it, but it took me so long for this or that reason — that is really none of your business — but I am telling you anyway as a part of my apology for taking so long.
Me: I appreciate the apology, but it is quite alright. People answer when they can or when they are in the right headspace. I respect that in others and I hope they do in me as well. I steer clear of my notifications when I am not engaged as I expect many others who wish for success do as well. If I answered every message right away, I would get nothing done!
This is just an example. All that matters is that you let people know they don’t owe you an apology without dismissing their need to say it. When we simply dismiss the unnecessary apologies of others by saying, “It’s okay” or “No problem”, we are acquiescing to the belief systems that make us feel we owe the world a constant apology, in the first place.
If you try these simple practices as you mingle with the world, you will be amazed at the responses you will receive from the world and the confidence it will build in you.
