Celebrating My One Year on Medium
Dearest reader,
It has been a year since I first joined Medium in October of 2019. Within this year, I got laid off, found a new job (which I love), moved to a better (though smaller) apartment, transitioned to working from home that same week due to the beginning of quarantine, and found a home here at Scribe for my writing.
In the midst of the pandemic and protests and fires and having Trump as president, I have surprisingly also greatly healed from my anxiety symptoms, which I talked about in my first story on Medium. My head feels lighter more often now, and I feel more like myself again.
I am learning to accept that as long as we’re alive, we will never be “fully” healed. We will never be entirely invulnerable to or exempt from suffering. Only the dead know eternal peace.
Because life is messy (as 2020 has definitely showed us).
“Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful, it’s ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing; hold on through the awful; and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living heartbreaking, soul healing, amazing, ordinary, awful life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful.”
— L.R. Knost
For me, healing happened in the moments where I was able to honor exactly where I was without punishing myself for it. To accept that maybe I wasn’t okay, and that was okay. It was those small, brief moments that allowed me to move forward with greater empathy, compassion, and strength.
Back when my headaches and prickles were much worse, meditative breathing (which was suggested everywhere) actually made me more anxious because it didn’t help. Then I felt even worse because I was worried I wasn’t doing it correctly. Then I worried that if I was doing it correctly and it still didn’t work, then it meant nothing I did could make things better.
Over time, I learned to breathe deeply when it felt right, and to just let my body breathe for me when it didn’t.
Writing on Medium and connecting with the writers and readers here has also been an immense factor in my healing (and my sanity as well during quarantine). Having a safe space to express my thoughts and feelings has been such a gift, and I have learned so much from reading the stories of others — finding many moments of enlightenment through them.
The writer lets loose the inner weavings of her mind, while the reader feels a deep understanding and a sense of not being so alone.
— CJC
I also got to read some of my poems and stories to the people I wrote them about. It was a beautiful opportunity to connect intimately with the people I love.
Thank you a thousand times over to anyone who has highlighted, clapped, or responded to my words. These encouragements may seem small, may have even been done in passing, but they mean the world to me.
As celebration of my first Medium birthday, I wanted to take the time to list out a few amazing writers who have inspired the continuation of my journey here (in no particular order) and kept me going when I felt like my words were worthless.
And a special thanks to Thomas Gaudex, the creator of Scribe. I am so grateful to have found Scribe and its welcoming community. The writing here feels honest without the need to impress — only express. It’s a breath of fresh air from the hustle of capitalism.
Lastly, I wish you and your family good health and happiness.
With love, Venessa
P.S. Publishing my writing has been something I’ve been very proud of, so I’d like to share two of my most clapped stories, which have had the honor of being published in Scribe:
