Celebrating 10 Years Cancer Free

BREAST CANCER SURVIVAL

Faith comfort in scary times

This was right after getting my hair all chopped off. Photo owned by author.

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How will I be able to survive this God? I am so afraid and feel like life is suddenly slipping away from me. It is then that I hear your voice and feel your comfort.

YOU are here with me, and YOU will never leave my side. It comforts me to know I am not going through this alone.

I Looked Up! When I am afraid, I will put my trust and Faith in you. In God whose word I praise; In God, I have put my trust; I shall not fear. What can mere man do to me? [Psalm 56:3–4 AMP Bible]

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The Diagnosis Day

I receive the scariest news of my life. My biopsy is positive. I have breast cancer.

The doctor calls me as I am driving on the freeway. I must pull over to hear this news while cars whiz past my window. I write down what he says, but his words make no sense. I am horrified.

I have an appointment to see him right away for further explanations. I sit numb in my car on the side of the freeway as I try to absorb this news.

I am 53 years old, and now I’m going to die.

How can I die? I have three grown children and grandbabies. My son has Down syndrome and is living with his dad. They all need me.

Am I going to die? What am I supposed to do?

I am paralyzed in terror. I manage to pick up my cell and call my mom, who lives in another state. I also call my stepmom, who I am currently living with.

It’s all I know to do. I need both of my moms. Then I start my car and drive to the doctor’s office. I am a zombie as I sit in the waiting room, listening for my name to be called.

Suddenly, I look next to me, and there is my stepmother. She gives me a comforting look and hugs me. She whispers that she cannot let me go into the appointment alone. I am so grateful for her presence.

In the doctor’s office, we look at images from my mammogram. It just looks like gray and white squiggles. I don’t know what I’m looking at.

The doctor is pointing and explaining and saying words that I do not understand. I am writing them down, but it is barely registering.

Invasive. Ductal. In Situ. Centimeters. I am clueless.

Then he explains, “If you have to have cancer, this is the best kind to have.”

What? The best kind? How is that even a concept?

I had heard something similar when my son was born 25 years earlier. Then I was told,

“If he has to have a disability, Down syndrome is the best one.”

So, this sounded a bit familiar. I wrote about his birth in, “The Answered Prayer.”

Pondering on the Best Kind of Cancer

I drive home in a trance. I have to tell my daughters. They must hear it from me first.

I explained what my doctor told me, “If I have to have cancer, this is the best type of cancer to have.” I do not think that declaration eases their anxiety any more than it eases mine.

The following weeks are filled with numerous appointments to see various doctors.

Praise God that one of my first appointments is with the hospital breast cancer advocate. She is fantastic and is a breast cancer survivor herself.

She will take me through all of the steps of my treatment so I am not alone. Interacting with someone who has gone through this experience and is thriving comforts me.

I follow her advice. I ensure that someone always attends doctor appointments with me to take notes. My daughters plan to be there.

With each lab result that comes in, we learn more facts about this cancer that has invaded my body.

I am devastated to learn I have to wait eight weeks for my surgery. There will be no final answers until that day.

Did the cancer spread to my lymph nodes?
What type of treatment will I need?

Every day of those eight weeks is excruciating.

The oncologist believes I will need chemo. My reaction to that information is one I will regret.

I go straight to my hairdresser and ask him to cut off my long hair. I sob hysterically. If I am going to lose my hair due to chemo, I want it to be short.

My haircut looks horrible. I have too much hair to have it short. Ugh.

The very next day, I have my oncologist appointment. He explains that my new lab results indicate that chemo is not likely to be needed.

I am thrilled, obviously, but also humiliated that now my hair is gone for no reason.

Surgery Day

Surgery day arrived. We opted for a double mastectomy with reconstruction based on my history. My daughters were with me around the clock.

This was taken the day after my double mastectomy surgery as the nurse helped me practice walking. Photo owned by author.

I went into the Operating Room for a double mastectomy with reconstruction. Before surgery, I was warned that I would grieve the loss of my breasts, but I disagree.

I will forfeit a part of my body for life any day. However, I later realized I was wrong. I am grieving this loss.

Reconstruction would help, but it would not be the same as the real thing. However, I took comfort in knowing all the breast cancer is gone.

When I woke up after surgery, I learned that the cancer had not spread to the lymph nodes, and the grade and stage determined I did not need chemo.

I would have to take a daily hormone blocker medication instead.

Going Back to College as an Adult Student

While I was out on disability following surgery, I decided to finish my master’s degree online. I might as well make use of my recovery time off work.

I also realized college classes would give me something else to focus on other than cancer and reconstruction.

I would go on to have several other surgeries over the next year to fine-tune the reconstruction. During this time off, I would clear my teaching credentials through additional college classes.

This was the best investment I made.

Celebrating My Existence on Earth Ten Years Later

I praise God! I am coming up on my tenth cancer-free anniversary. Five Years is a big deal. TEN YEARS is an even bigger deal!

As I was writing this reflection, I relived the emotions I felt during this experience.

I will never be the same person as I was pre-cancer. There is no going back to a time before you heard that diagnosis.

The only thing I knew to do was to pray and hold on tight to my FAITH. I had to remind myself often that God has me.

After my double mastectomy, I knew each day following was a gift. I am living on God’s Grace, and I will never forget that my time here is in His hands.

I am grateful for the wonderful support during these challenging times. Faith and support saved my life.

Thank you for reading my story. I wish you and your loved ones a healthy and prosperous life.

Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

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