Cat Outs Mom to the Publishing World: “She Didn’t Write a Word!”

— Los Angeles, CA

The cat’s out of the bag in the latest scandal to rock the publishing world.

We met with Countess Tomasina S. MacLean of Sherman Oaks who claims her mom— romance author B.D.S. MacLean — published Tomasina’s manuscripts, and has passed them off as her own.

“Frankly, I should be rolling in gold-flecked cat nip by now,” Tomasina told us. “But that human who lives with me [yet never feeds me] has fooled the world — and she can bet on a special kind of revenge...”

We contacted B.D.S. MacLean to set the record straight, but she refuses to respond to our inquiries.

After informing the Countess of this, she yawned, licked her paws, and before turning her back on us said,

“Why’re you all surprised? Cat’s got her tongue, Peasants…”

Our staff decided to pivot and, instead, pick the mind of this literary feline.

So, we asked what inspired her to write “steamy” romance novels in the first place.

That’s when she morphed into the cat that swallowed the canary right before our eyes.

She slipped on her spectacles and tied an ascot around her collar— before paying careful attention to knock her mother’s antique tea cups off the dining-room table, one by one.

“I’ve lived close to nine lives,” the Countess said. “Two of them with Pierre in the outskirts of Paris… Another few with a Tabby named Mario in the alleyways of Venice — a hairless bloke who’d feed me mackerel and Chianti at the bow of a gondola night after night.

And from all those lives? Well…,” the Countess licked a paw. “They’ve revved my books with a purr like no other…”

When asked what she hopes to gain by letting the cat out of the bag, Countess Tomasina quoted Terry Pratchett (and took a few liberties of her own):

“In ancient times cats were worshipped as goddesses; we have not forgotten this.”

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