Humor & Relationships

Casting Call for a Medium Boyfriend

Have you ever considered Medium to be a dating tool?

After enjoying Medium for over six months, I made the following conclusion: this platform has the most educated, hard-working, passionate, and kind individuals. And let’s not forget about the mutual goal of “making it” on the Internet in our writing careers.

Therefore, I’m launching an ultimate mission: finding love on Medium. Friendships would work as well! Please read the below before submitting your well-written, properly polished dating application.

Are you tired of the boring messages you get from people who clearly have no clue how to conduct a conversation? Are you exhausted from all the painful encounters trying to keep the exchange alive, yet the other party has no clue how to communicate? Welcome to the club!

Words shouldn’t be this difficult. While English may not be the easiest language out there, it’s certainly not the hardest one. I should know: it’s my third. But conducting a simple conversation should not appear a struggle for regular people. After all, we’re texting and messaging each other online, not even interacting in real life. The bar is quite low.

But who can communicate effectively, continue a discussion, express their opinions, share their views and turn any, even the simplest topic, into a marvelous and beautiful exchange between two people? That’s right — writers! And where can we find writers? On Medium. Bingo!

The Art of Conversation

Writers know how to express themselves. They won’t leave you hanging with a “lol” when you’re telling them something.

Exhibit A

When you tell them you write articles, and that’s something you have not shared before — they will ask you about it instead of stating the following.

Exhibit B

And writers most certainly will not respond with three words after you attempted to share something about your day and made an effort to talk with them.

Exhibit C

Writers are smart. They are educated. They’ve read more than four books in their lives, which means they know how dialogue should go. They won’t ignore your three attempts to carry on the conversation by asking questions, and they will not answer without asking you something back.

Exhibit D

Hurray to the writers! We come from the same cloth, which means talking in full sentences and being capable of conversing. My online dating research concluded that it’s a particularly unique skill to possess.

Boyfriend requirements

• Have at least 10,000 followers on Medium.
• Make a minimum of $3,000 per month from your writing.
• Share your knowledge without expecting anything back from me.

Oh! Sorry, I think I mixed up my applications — this one is for SugarWriter.com. Anyway, you get the gist, right? The bar is super low. The ability to write a complete sentence, replying with a curious question and simply being somewhat okay at communication is all I’m looking for.

Send your applications to [email protected]. I review them every Wednesday unless it’s a full moon or a writing sabbatical. Make sure to submit your best romance writing, fiction or non-fiction. Please, keep it PG13, as I have received a ton of d*ck pics in my online dating time, and I have no desire to expand my repertoire.

Thank you for considering me as your potential girlfriend!

With love, Joanna from Canada

You may think this is a joke, and maybe it is. Or perhaps it’s not. Either way, my goal is to share many embarrassing, horrible and humorous dating stories, such as this one, in my publication. Trust me, I have many dozens of them, and my friends have even more.

Relationships are hard. Dating is brutal. But if you consume your experiences with a little bit of humour, they become slightly more bearable.