Should You Fall Out When Your Friends Believe in Conspiracies?
Here’s how you can reconnect with friends who don’t share your worldview anymore.
It’s funny how you assume your friends share your worldview — until they don’t.
Going home to visit my Dutch relatives, I met up with old friends and, assuming we were all vaccinated, I went in for a hug when they stepped back; no jabs. Naively, I blamed it on logistics. ‘Perhaps the vaccination rate here is pretty low’ went through my mind. Or maybe they had put it off? But no and no, it turns out my friends believe the government’s covid measures are akin to Nazis demanding Jewish people wear a yellow star or medical apartheid if you will. Yeah, right.
My ears twitching, I couldn’t help but think, was it worth arguing and jeopardize precious time together (I hadn’t seen them since 2019), or should I diplomatically change the subject? After all, they had come over to celebrate my girls’ birthday.
How divided is the world?
I dare say I’m not the only one treading unchartered waters with friends. After 18 months stuck at home with only a canine companion and a social media feed drip dripping from an echo chamber, it’s not surprising some have lost the plot — a little.
A YouGov survey spanning 25 countries indicated at least 20% of respondents believed the view (at least somewhat) that “the truth about the harmful effects of vaccines is being deliberately hidden from the public.” This number is 26% in Sweden, but more significant in South Africa (57%), Germany (31%), and the US with 33%.
The study also found between 20% and 30% support the belief that manmade global heating was “a hoax invented to deceive.” With the numbers being nearly a year old, I hazard a guess they have climbed.
Why are the numbers so high?
A cognitive psychologist at the Bristol University and an expert on misinformation, Stephan Lewandowsky tells the Guardian,
‘Any scary event — a pandemic, a mass shooting — that denies people a sense of control will lead to a proliferation of conspiracy theories.’
He explains:
“They give people a sense of psychological comfort: the feeling that they are not at the mercy of randomness. They’re dangerous at any time, but more so in a pandemic if they lead people to ignore official advice, or commit acts of vandalism or violence.”
Of course, had Covid-19 happened, say twenty years ago, would conspiracy theories about the virus have spread as quickly and so convincingly? I’d hazard a guess and say no.
Is Social Media a superspreader of conspiracy theories?
Yep, it certainly seems that way. A peer-reviewed study into the spread of Covid -19 conspiracy theories on social media confirms most stories reinforcing them are usually started by social media posts.
Research director at the Harvard Kennedy School’s Shorenstein Center on Media, Politics and Public Policy, Joan Donovan, says:
“Social media tends to drive the fringe to the mainstream,”
In fact, this study shows that people who don’t follow the news because they assume they will find out about the critical stuff in time are among the most likely people to think conspiratorially.
And celebrities like Woody Harrelson and boxer Amir Khan fan the flames by peddling dangerous 5G conspiracy theories. With their extensive reach, they may have convinced initial non-believers.
Is it possible to connect when we’re worlds apart?
So when so many people, including our friends, have different beliefs, is there a way to still connect with them?
In a world where divisions seem larger and where we view and twitter our beliefs as essential as the air we breathe, this ad, shot in 2017, before the pandemic, but after Brexit and Trump taking office, might show us a way forward.
It allows us to see how we act differently before we realize people’s belief systems are opposed to ours. We like them when we get to know people for who they are, rather than what they believe. And maybe, once we do, we can sit down, share and discuss, like civilized human beings.
How to reconnect with friends who don’t share your worldview
As far back as 1721, Jonathan Swift said it best:
“You cannot reason someone out of something he or she was not reasoned into”
But, if you must try these. The best ways to deal with your friends who have opposite views to you, according to psychologists:
- Keep calm, and don’t let a heated discussion spoil a special day — like my daughter’s.
- As in the ad, listen with empathy and don’t dismiss their opinions.
- Encourage critical thinking by stimulating them to question why people peddle these views.
- Don’t fact-check, but ask open-ended questions.
- Know when to give up, don’t keep going until you have converted your friend. These things take time.
If this seems tricky, you could do worse than heed ancient Irish advice:
‘never talk religion or politics.’
Take it from someone who has been here a long time. There is a reason why people get on so well in Irish pubs.
Final Thoughts
We live in an ever divided world where culture wars rage and lockdowns have reduced conversations with friends to shared news snippets on social media.
The last eighteen months have been challenging. With an extended time spent on social media, some people may have lost the ability to think critically. In fact, an international study shows at least 20% of respondents believed the view (at least somewhat) that “the truth about the harmful effects of vaccines is being deliberately hidden from the public.”
So when you find yourself in a place where your friends have suddenly adopted a different worldview from yours, is it possible to still stay friends? I’d say, yes, you can, and there are two ways to go about it. You can either pretend you’re in an Irish pub and avoid talking about politics and conspiracies or if you must go there, use the five tips psychologists outlined. As for my friend? I found ignoring the elephant in the room worked best. Besides, if she wants to visit us, and she does, she will have to revisit her vaccine stance.
More by the same author:
Further reading:https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/oct/26/survey-uncovers-widespread-belief-dangerous-covid-conspiracy-theorieshttps://misinforeview.hks.harvard.edu/article/the-spread-of-covid-19-conspiracy-theories-on-social-media-and-the-effect-of-content-moderation/https://www.brookings.edu/techstream/how-media-consumption-patterns-fuel-conspiratorial-thinking/